Hospitaiforbrokensouls-blog - Dying

Depression does not always mean

Beautiful girls with visible scars on their wrists. Depression does not always mean having a bad day at work.

Sometimes depression means not getting out of bed for three days in a row because your feet refuse to believe that they will not shatter upon impact on the floor.

Sometimes depression means that summoning the willpower to do the laundry and change your bed sheets is the most impressive thing you’ve accomplished all week.

Sometimes depression means lying there for hours, because you cannot convince your body that it is capable of movement.

Sometimes depression means not being able to write for days, weeks even because the only words you have to offer the world are;

“I’m trapped”

“I’m drowning”

“I swear to god I’m trying”

Sometimes depression means that every single bone in your body aches but you have to keep going through the motions because you cannot call into work with the excuse of depression.

Sometimes depression means ignoring every text and phone call for an entire month because yes, they have the right number but you are not the person they are looking for, not anymore.

“And when my mother asks me what’s wrong I just say I’m tired because I don’t have the heart to tell the woman who gave me life that I don’t want it anymore.”

— (via wstdxo)

To my friends with depression

Depression is hard. It fucking sucks. I know that not everyone understands, which makes it suck even more. You yourself might not fully understand, and that’s okay. You aren’t alone. I know a lot of people don’t want to take meds because they “don’t want to be a zombie”. I know it’s scary, and it might take a few tries before it helps, but you owe it to yourself to fight this. I know not everyone listens but you owe it to yourself to find someone who will. No, meds won’t fix everything but they will help, make things bearable again. Do this for yourself, don’t give up. I believe in you, and you’re not alone.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* reblog or like if you ever felt like this*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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I think i might be borderline. Im so sensitive but sometimes i feel so cold. I feel like i know what i want and deserve but then i feel like i dont deserve it and im such a horrible being. Sometimes its like nothing is never enough and i domt understand why. I feel empathetic but then i feel narcissistic, then i feel like i can percieve very well but then i am being one sided without even realizing. I make things bigger when they shouldn’t because im so insecure and stupid. I self loathe to the core no matter how many people boost me up and even if i try i then revert to not deserving and feeling bad and becominh self destructive and impulsive, indecisive i dont understand. I just want to be perfect for people and im so different around certain friends or people that if i were in a room with everyone of them who all dont know eachother i would freak out and feel like i don’t know who i am. I struggle hard with my identity. I feel like i know who i am but then im scared to be me, i am afraid of change but then sometimes i do and dont notice or get stuck or steal from others little habits like they are a part of me and feel lost when they are gone or i just can never let go. Im selfish yet considerate, it makes no sense, i am distraught. Dont know if i am diagnosed properly. Dont even know my ownself sometimes.

When you don’t want to do something, like you don’t want to go out or don’t want to research colleges or apply for another job, people tend to think you’re just lazy. They just don’t realize that it’s your anxiety speaking and that it’s driving you crazy.

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