He’s Learned Well.

Queer crime is the best crime ✨ you all loved the last Nimona piece so much I decided to expand on it and include all our fav queer criminals.

New print I designed for this week’s conventions! All the prints are 11x17, signed, and on a museum quality paper because I don’t believe in that cheap shit.

You can get it this weekend at Flame Con (if you’re around) or on sale this week here at the shop link:

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Headcanon that the batfam has a Samsung smart refrigerator or whatever it's called, and it is used entirely for doing work while in the kitchen. There has been justice league meetings held on that motherfucker and nuclear threats disengaged.

I will accept this as canon. He was just born that way.

I like Mikey's face

The truth is a horrifying thing… Fred, how could you…

this is the best possible version of fred

sure dude

If Hades raised Nico and Bianca Part 30 (feat Apollo)

Bianca: Where are we going?

Persephone: We're gonna go see Uncle Apollo

Nico: The sun god?! :D

Persephone: Yeah.

Bianca: Wont that hurt Papa?

Hades: No, angioletta, the sun doesn't hurt me. I'm not a vampire.

Arrival:

Apollo: Oh, hey, guys. Didn't expect you for another hour.

Hades: We decided to be early.

Apollo: Okay, well, uh, c'mon in.

Entering:

Nico: *realizing he's in a doctor's office*

Apollo: Okay, who's first? *holds up a vaccine*

Nico: *GAAASSSP* NOOOO! *tries to get away*

Hades: *picks him up off the ground easily*

Apollo:

Persephone: ...uhm, Bianca, sweetheart, why don't you go first?

Bianca: *hiding behind Persephone* Will it hurt?

Apollo: Only a little bit.

Hades, holding a squirmy Nico: Niccoló, you need- to get- vaccinated!

Nico: NO! I DON'T NEED! AAARHSOVJSMZOF

Persephone: Bianca, you also need to get vaccinated. Go sit on that chair next to Apollo

Bianca: *hesitantly goes over*

Apollo: Don't worry, kiddo. This'll be quick *gives her the shot* See? That wasn't so bad!

Bianca:

Bianca: *cries loudly then runs over to Persephone*

Nico: *starts to cry because Bianca is crying*

Hades: Give it now. Give it now while he's still!

Apollo: *gives Nico the shot* Okay...they should be good.

Persephone: Thanks, Apollo. Sorry about this

Apollo: Eh, normal reaction. Now, you said you wanted to vaccinate three of your kids?

Hades:

Persephone:

---

Zagreus: NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

Hades: Zagreus, you're siblings went through with it, so will you

Zagreus: They're half human! They have to get shots! I don't! I am immune to all! I am no weakling!!!

Persephone: ZAGREUS, YOU COME OVER HERE RIGHT NOW AND GET VACCINATED OR NO RUNS FOR THE NEXT CENTURY!

The first rule of driving the Batmobile is to have fun and be yourself

my little cousin confidently declared that mother nature had a counterpart named daddy electric and i feel like this concept needs to be explored

To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.

Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.

Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.

Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.

The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.

The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.