We Failed

I have the head canon that Kim Dokja starts to avoid reflective surfaces at all times, but especially after he first sees his attributes window.

Like, at first it isn’t obvious, he just doesn’t really like when his phone is turned off and he can see the reflection, but then it gets worse, he glances at a mirror after washing his hands and quickly averts his eyes, because when he looks, is that really him? This strange man in the mirror with eyes that seem like bottomless pits into unknown galaxies?

Then the attribute window happens, and there is a hole in his face, not just a bit blurry but smudged, completely indistinguishable, with a complete non-existence where his eyes should be. Gone are the galaxies, nothing but an abyss, unending and still growing.

When he arrives at 1863, after everything has calmed down and he has gathered his bearings, he stumbles across a full body mirror while in his demon king form (just roll with it) and realises that he can see nothing of himself but the horns and wings, and his own clothes, but none of those are really his though, just byproducts of the scenarios. Nothing left of him is really there anymore.

He full out refuses to look in mirrors from then until Kaizenix, with the thought that this is a stranger’s body, surely it’ll be fine if he sneaks a peak? But it isn’t a stranger’s body he sees then. It’s that blurry, white coat wearing man that simply cannot be him.

He looks at his arm, clothed in a fine poet’s blouse with golden thread lining it, blond hair falling over his eyes, and the mirror looks at its coat, with its hair being an ebony.

In Journey to the West, it is at its worst. His skin moves, with new slit shaped scars that have no source appearing after leaving N’gai. These open, and he sees those same piercing galaxy-like eyes running all over his skin. The worst part is that they work. Two eyes became thirty, thirty became more than a hundred when it happened all over his limbs. He hasn’t ever felt this disoriented, even when he was burnt alive and had to experience the first use of Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint stage 3.

A sweeping look not look, nothing is just a look anymore to appraise how he will get to the scriptures is interrupted by his eyes falling on the lake, and that figure in a now dirty white coat looks back at him. All he does is look. All that is beneath the coat is a mess of eyes.

After the final scenario, he looks at the oldest dream. If he lets his vision blur he sees that mass of eyes underneath the boy’s skin, watching, looking, reading.

On the train, surrounded by companions, his cheek has blood on it in the reflection. He wipes it off. There is no mass of eyes, and it is once again his face. No galaxies, no abyss.

51% of him sees himself in his phone. There is no longer a reflection.

Did the second chapter… quite a bit shorter but now from Kim Dokja’s pov on the train

Past/future swap with KDJ but instead of his middle school self, he swaps with 51% and 51% has to deal with /gasp/ EMOTIONS

I've been thinking about 15 year old kim dokja and I can picture so clearly the kind of quintessential chunni he was

classmates making snarky little comments over his head like "oooh watch out for kim dokja, don't bother him too much, he'll go crazy like his mother and kill you" "that wimp could not fucking touch me haha" "if you sit next to him you'll catch his crazy" stupid kid shit and he stays silent and doesn't raise his head, doesn't give them the satisfaction of a reaction but under the surface he is boiling, he's clenching his fists and bitting his lip, trembling with helpless anger at the wicked unfairness of it all.

when no one is looking, he stared through his bangs at the back of song minwoo's head, thinking "what if I did? what if I stabbed you right now? that would show you" spiteful dark revenge fantasies every sad kid who hates school has, an emotional attempt at self-comfort that doesn't really mean anything

but they're right about him, aren't they. kim dokja DOES have it in him to snap and kill if pushed too far but he has repressed that instinct so deep he doesn't even let himself remember it. so instead he sighs and shakes his head cause it's useless to think about that stuff, just ignore it, don't let him get to you, kim dokja

does kdj even know that him having bare minimum contact with whichever timeline yjh is enough to make the man obssessed

when I read this part of ch 371 this was exactly how I pictured it in my mind

thinking again about kim dokja's face censor and how its such a good mechanic. foreshadows the most ancient dream reveal. shows how his desperate wish to be a normal child effects him still to this day. functions as an extension of his reader-self-insert status. and most excellently shows exactly how much his disassociation and distancing from everyone and everything in his life affects him, to the point where his loved ones can't even recognize his face. that when they think of him it is with his back turned and expression obscured because they never knew anything else. no one can recall his features, be reminded of them when they look at his mother or see his familiar facial expressions in his kids. he's perpetually a blank slate, someone neither we nor his loved ones can see anything distinctive in because thats the point of his character and i so deeply adore it. someone needs to get sing shong out of the kitchen because they cannot keep cooking like this

han sooyoong 1863rd round

kim dokja and his shaggy hair he doesnt want to bother spending money to cut it. kim dokja and his egg-on-rice dinner fives days in a row because he doesnt know any other recipes. kim dokja and his cheap ikea* bookshelf that only have his uni textbooks in them and nothing else. kim dokja and the christmas ornament he stole from the store one day just because the anime figurine guy looked like yjh even though he doesnt have anywhere to put it.

Whumpril 2025 approaches!

Rules:

Anyone can participate.

Any media form is allowed (art, fic, gifs, music, whatever).

AI-generated content is NOT permitted.

You can participate however much or as little as you want, no pressure to complete every single day.

You can post your work anywhere on the internet, Tumblr, Ao3, etc.

Tag potential triggers and NSFW accordingly.

If you want to be counted as an official participant and have the chance to be featured on the blog, post your content during the month of April. You can still use the prompt list after April ends.

I can’t guarantee that every single work will be featured but I’ll try to reblog as many as I can.

To increase your chances of being featured here, tag your post with the event name and the prompt of the day that you used (For example: #whumpril2025, #whumprilday1, #hug) 

You can also @ the blog, @whumpril.

Full write-up of the prompts can be found under the cut!

Whumpril 2025 Prompts:

Hug

Lies

Sore

Threat

Neglect

Distrust

Restless

Burnout

Stranded

Bandages

Grounding

Dislocation

Head Injury

Lost/Found

Belittlement

Waterlogged

Interrogation

Mood Swings

Fetal Position

“You’re next.”

Stage(s) of Grief

Dehumanization

“Don’t you dare.”

Sensory Overload

Too Weak to Stand

The Kind One Snaps

Tossing and Turning

Inexperienced Caretaker

“Get your hands off them!”

“You’re/I’m not going anywhere.”

Alternative Prompts:

If there’s a prompt above you don’t feel inspired or comfortable doing, you can switch it out with one of these alternatives!

X-Rays

Hazing

Clammy

Trampled

Cowardice

Unsanitary

Congestion

Silent Tears

Falsely Accused

Slammed into Wall

Missed Medication

Heimlich Maneuver

 “Why won’t you believe me?”