Honestly Same, The Most Unhinged Stuff I’ve Seen Has Been On Other People’s Dashes Or Reposts On

I no longer wish to produce milk

I am the supporting side character of the anime protagonist, but I also secretly wrote and rehearsed the friendship speech and the only reason I keep cheering so loud is so that the protagonist will say the damn lines that I rehearsed with them 17 times yesterday. 

What was I on

the the crushing weight of our own looming mortality is what both drives us to live and makes us want to give up and natural selection means that people with genetic illness shouldn’t have children and if the government did fake the moon landing then what was the point of the space race other then to gain meaning in this meaningless life that we can only attain through cheating and not gaining anything at all and yet the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell but we’ve never needed that information and it’s been burned into out heads over and over for years so Michel Obama is rumored to be a man meaning that society’s faith in the one true god, shaggy, is no longer strong enough to hold the fabric of this reality together thus we collide with others and that’s why the Mandela Effect is putting chemicals in the water to turn the freaking frogs gay but a study showed that wasn’t true but the study was made by the people turning the frogs gay so it didn’t count… In conclusion: black beans are full of protein so they’re good to eat during an existential crisis

I had a stroke reading this and probably while writing it as well.

is this how to tumblure?

Throw back to when I went to christian school for kindergarten and 4th grade and had my fist experiences with why I don’t like the majority of Christians.

Kindergarten: Kindergarten boy breaks into the bathroom with a locked door (don’t know how the fuck he got in but kids are midget Satans so I call dark magic) and proceeds to peep, then I was forced to accept his apology for peeping and he was never punished because his parents were rich and after a week transferred him. They forced kids to accept apologies for a lot of things, which isn’t really how that works, but that was the worst I can remember.

4th Grade: First day of school, at a new school, which wasn’t new for me but that’s not what’s important right now. What is important is that I’m type one diabetic and decided to sit on the closest table to the nurse’s office door because it was empty, rusty, and close for if I had to go back inside. So I come outside for lunch and am just opening my little box of food from my bag when some 6th grade girls come to tower over me and ask if I wished to join then in sustenance. I was actually quite happy sitting by the door just vibing. They say nothing and leave. The next day I’m in the principal’s office for the first time in my life. “What for,” you ask? Bullying. Who? The girls two years older then me. How? Not wanting to sit with kids I don’t know and don’t like when they asked me to.

Fucking christian schools…

I Wish I could be a ghost

Like, not to be scary or to haunt people, but to just hide peoples keys and move a couch across a room. I just want to fuck with people in a way that I’m currently unable to do at this moment.

[footage of the inside of an ordinary Eastern-European home, taken with a handheld phone camera, the man filming is walking from the living room to the back door of the house]

man, narrating in russian: Every fucking year, this time of the year, the pond at my backyard gets infested. What do ponds get infested with? Frogs? Poisonous weeds? Geese? No. Not my pond.

[The man opens the back door, stepping out into a garden. Three or four nude, human-like figures dash from the borders of a pond back into the water.]

man: Rusalki! I don't know where they come from or how they get here, and I can't afford to hire an exterminator every year. I can't let my cat outside anymore. Last year a rusalka managed to drown a whole deer in my pond, the stench was unbearable.

[He walks as he speaks, approaching the pond. There are several eerily beautiful female beings peering at him from under the surface, their long hair floating in the murky water. Their eyes are gleaming in an unhuman way. The man holding the camera stops to film them.]

man, calm and deadpan: What the fuck are all of you staring at. Get jobs or something.

[One of the rusalki, smaller than the others and clearly not a fully matured adult, slowly reaches out of the water with her white, thin hand, grasping his ankle. He appears unconcerned.]

man: You can't drown me, you little idiot. You're too small. Shoo!

[A loud thud startles the rusalki, making them scatter. A second thud makes it clear these are the approaching footsteps of something massive. The man turns around and points the camera at what appears to be a house, walking past above the treeline with chicken-like legs]

man, now yelling: IF YOUR HOUSE SHITS ON MY YARD AGAIN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-

screenshot to see ur nickname!

Oh to be a lonely village girl stolen away by a cruel pirate captain but she spares your life and you end up joining her crew and slowly earning her trust over the years and eventually becoming her first mate and lover

This took WAY too long for how it turned out... But I’m proud of it nonetheless

Karlach ⚔️❤️‍🔥🔥