Once Upon A TIME,

a bunch of scientists realized that the current time system, of 60 seconds to 60 minutes to 24 hours, was a little ridiculous, and decided that like many other measurements, it needed to be given a metric system equivalent.

Unfortunately for them, they decided to keep all the same names for things, and people decided it was too confusing and the whole thing never took off.

Then a while back, I took that information, mixed it with my minecraft hyperfixation, and came up with a new time system. Hear me out, because I think that despite (or maybe due to?) its origin, it's actually a pretty solid system.

So, let's start big and work down, since that's simplest for this.

One day-night cycle. First of all, who decided a day-night cycle would be called a day? That entirely dismisses the other half of the cycle! So, the cycle will now be known as a Clock. This is not an issue, because unlike the old system, which used analog clocks which only showed numbers for half the cycle and had to go around twice per cycle (why???), the new system uses clocks which go around once per cycle (as it should be). Secondly, it's ridiculous to start the Clock in the middle of the night, so 0:00 will be at dawn.

Now, instead of 24 hours in a day, we will have 10 units to a Clock, because the point is the metric system. These units will be called Clicks (and now you're seeing where the minecraft hyperfixation affected things. Suck it up, the names are the best part honestly, wait for the ending). At ten units to what was previously 24, that means each Click is the same length of time as 2.4 hours, or 2 hours and 24 minutes.

That's a long unit, so we need to divide it further. These will be our minute equivalents for the system. These units will be called Tocks, and there will be 100 of them in each Click. This equates 100 Tocks to 144 minutes, or 1 Tock to 1.44 minutes (or 1 minute and 26.4 seconds, for those of you counting).

Clearly, we still need one more small unit for small amounts of counting - equivalent to seconds. Once again since this is metric based, there will be 100 units per Tock. These smallest units are Ticks. A Tick is worth .864 of a second - nearly the same when you're counting in your head, given that the speed at which a person pronounces "One Mississippi" already varies a person's personal perception of a second's length. I recognize that officially, seconds are based on the length of time it takes some certain type of isotope to go through a decay cycle, but let's be honest, that was just a way to standardize something completely arbitrary. They can pick a different isotope for a Tick.

So, the new system is as follows:

100 Ticks -> 1 Tock, 100 Tocks -> 1 Click, 10 Clicks -> 1 Clock

Ticks, Tocks, Clicks, Clocks.

LET'S GO.

Oath of the Courier

A paladin subclass for 5e

A slightly vibrating gif of the Peregrine Mendicant/Parcel Mistress from Homestuck (a white chesswoman wearing grey rags) wearing a blue postal worker's hat, holding up a partially-singed envelope. A single tear rolls down her cheek as she holds the envelop aloft, filled with determination to deliver it. The background is a collage of other pieces of mail.

Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.

MAIL.

Tenets of the Courier

The Tenets of the Courier embody a paladin's commitment to delivering the mail with utmost integrity and professionalism.

Handle with Care: Treat anything entrusted to you as preciously as you would your own possessions.

Discrete Delivery: When others confide in you, do not betray their trust. Let none but the intended recipient pry upon what you carry.

Swift Postage: Do your best to fulfill your promises as promptly as possible. Punctuality is a virtue.

To the Letter: Strive to fulfill your oaths exactly as you pledged them. Your word is your promise.

Oath Spells

You gain oath spells at the paladin levels listed.

3rd Level: Expeditious Retreat, Illusory Script 5th Level: Animal Messenger, Arcane Lock 9th Level: Sending, Tongues 13th Level: Legally Distinct Secret Chest, Freedom of Movement 17th Level: Dream, Teleportation Circle

Channel Divinity

When you choose this Oath at 3rd-level, you gain the following two Channel Divinity options:

Postage Stamp: As an action, you mark an object with a magical postage stamp. When creating this stamp, you choose a creature you or an adjacent ally are familiar with to be the object's recipient. This stamp persists for a number of hours equal to twice your paladin level, until the stamped object is delivered to its chosen recipient, or it is dismissed as a bonus action. While holding the stamped object, you can spend an action to magically detect what direction its recipient is in, and approximately how far away they are from you. If the recipient does not want to be located by you, it can make a Wisdom Saving Throw to elude this detection. If you are relying on an ally's familiarity, they get Advantage on this save. If they succeed, they are immune to this effect for 24 hours. You may only have one magical stamp at a time. If you place another, the previous one is immediately dismissed.

This Side Up: As an action, you can use your Channel Divinity to ward a creature or object against toppling. One creature or object within 10 feet becomes immune to the Prone condition. If the target is an object, it must be light enough for you to carry. If the target is an object, it gains Resistance to bludgeoning, force, and thunder damage. If the warded creature or object falls, it may ignore the first 10' of the fall when determining fall damage. These effects last for a number of minutes equal to your Charisma score, minimum 3.

Aura of Determination

Neither rain nor sleet nor hail will stop your delivery of the mail. Starting at 7th level, you emit an Aura of Determination. You and allies within 10' cannot have their speed reduced to less than their base speed when walking, crawling, jumping, or flying. This includes anything that would halve movement, such as Difficult Terrain or Exhaustion; or impose any other fraction-based penalty to speed. You cannot grant any of these effects while you are unconscious.

At 18th level, the range of this aura increases to 30 feet.

Return to Sender

Starting at 15th level, if you are targeted by a spell that targets only you, you may use your Reaction to instead have the spell target its caster. Use the original caster's Spell Save DC, Spell Attack Bonus, and Spellcasting Ability where applicable. If the spell required a Spell Attack Roll, re-roll the attack versus the caster. Once you use this ability, you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again.

Pen Pal

At 20th level, you can assume the form of a celestial courier. Using your action, you undergo a transformation that grants you the following benefits for 1 hour:

Wings sprout from your back and grant you a flying speed of 60 feet.

Allies who begin their turn within 30' of you gain a 10' bonus to their speed that turn.

Add your Charisma bonus to your Initiative Rolls.

Once you use this feature, you can't use it again until you finish a long rest.