-Illustratum Paradoxon

The anxiety attack after you set a boundary is crazy. My hands are shaky. Palms are sweaty. I’m freaking livid! I just don’t understand it?! I’m cursed I swear. My grandmother would yell at me CONSTANTLY “Your mouth is gonna get you in trouble” little did she know how powerful such words were. People love me cuz I’m real and hate me cuz I’m too blunt! Or because I’m too moody or too “to myself” um why is it so wrong to keep to yourself? Why is it wrong to like to keep your circle small? Maybe it’s a coping mechanism to protect what’s mine or maybe it’s the only way I know how to protect my energy. Whatever it is. I DESPISE when people try to impose on me. Don’t push me to be social please. Don’t come over uninvited. These are triggers. I’m so sorry. I don’t like uncertainty or surprises unfortunately. I’ve been disappointed too many times. I have opened that door too many times. So now I leave it shut and protect me and my own. Ok so the boundary is set. Why am I freaking out? It’s the response! It’s me obsessing over if that person will talk to me again because I set a boundary! It’s me being mad I had to set one in the first place. But then again, High expectations are future disappointments. I’m tired of people having adult tantrums when another adult is clear on their wants/unwants. How dare you be mad at me for knowing what I want!?

-Illustratum Paradoxon

More Posts from Illustratum-paradoxon and Others

4 years ago

Thank 👏🏼 you !

Illustratum Paradoxon

Don’t 👏 call 👏 people 👏 with 👏 mental 👏 illness 👏 crazy 👏


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4 years ago

👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

𝙽̷̧̣̣̇̄̆ͪ͜𝙾̷ 0N

𝙽̷̧̣̣̇̄̆ͪ͜𝙾̷ 0N

“Responsibility is not blame. Responsibility doesn’t mean that you did something “wrong”. It doesn’t mean that you caused something. It means that you can respond *in the present moment* to whatever is happening. It’s response-ability. It’s the ability to respond in the present moment. To say that we are wounded is one thing. To say that we are inevitably stuck that way because of what happened to us a long time ago is to abdicate responsibility, because it means “I’m simply a victim, and I can’t respond in any creative, powerful fashion, to what happened to me.”” -Gabor Maté

"If terrible things have happened to you, you are to have grown wiser. If the worst possible events have befallen you, you should be the wisest of the lot, but instead of going wise, most people become wounded. In a state of conscious response, it is possible to use any life situation, however ugly, as an opportunity for growth. But if you habitually think, I am the way I am because of someone else, you're using life situations merely as an opportunity for self-destruction or stagnation. The most horrific things in life, can be a source of nourishment if you accept, I am responsible for the way I am now. It is possible to transform the greatest adversity into a stepping stone for personal growth. If you take 100% responsibility for the way you are now, a brighter tomorrow is possible. But if you take no responsibility for the present, if you blame your parents, your friend, your husband, your girlfriend, your colleagues for the way you are, you have forsaken your future even before it comes." - Sadhguru


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4 years ago
Via: @alexisrakun

Via: @alexisrakun

#shadowwork #empath #empaths #empathessentials #empathsofinstagram #empathlife #empathproblems #empathsbelike #empathprotection #empathempowerment #soultribe #glowup #levelup #divinefeminine #divinemasculine #lightworkers #spiritualhealing #spiritualawakening #GOODVIBES https://www.instagram.com/p/CG8gn0lHxBV/?igshid=pn1gnt2m8rxy

4 years ago

The devil is persistent

But my God is consistent

If it wasn’t for my God

I‘d fall far from existence

Spiritual revolution

Is happening inside of me

Spiritual revolution

Something Only God

And I can see

Written 7•15•20

-Illustratum Paradoxon

*The revolution is still happening.

The war for my soul is not over.

Clinging on to God

And anything of light. 💡

Pushing religion and bs agendas away

I just want YWHW*


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4 years ago

#BLM

“The Night Is Beautiful, So The Faces Of My People. The Stars Are Beautiful, So The Eyes Of My People.

“The night is beautiful, so the faces of my people. The stars are beautiful, so the eyes of my people. Beautiful, also, is the sun. Beautiful, also, are the souls of my people.”

4 years ago

the scariest thing of having your brain blocking out bits of traumatic memories is that you’re always afraid people won’t believe you because you don’t remember enough

4 years ago

LMFAOOO why am I like this? 

Meirl

Meirl

4 years ago

Stoned thoughts| Part I

as you reflect on life: “The devil is a liar...Liar Liar pants on fire...omg! Now I understand the reference. It wasn’t just because it rhymed, but literally! The devil= Liar his pants are DEFINITELY on fire”

👿

👖

🔥

Ok I’m done. 😂


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4 years ago

I was just thinking about how people have a hard time believing this stuff. Especially believers. If you believe that Jesus did amazing miracles and died on the cross and then ROSE from the dead. (All super natural things.) How is it hard for them to believe the capabilities of the enemy and the supernatural world in that aspect? They don’t want to accept that there is evil? Are they THAT blind? Also Christianity is always being attacked. Jesus is always being ridiculed. That makes it even MORE real to me. That all the focus is on breaking down the Christian belief and TRYING to take what Jesus did for us to be in vain. We have to understand that the Bible is LITERALLY the living word of God! Like my friend and I were saying today, you can be book smart but still a sheep. Being book smart has NOTHING to do with being spiritually awake. Some people just can’t see past the wool. It’s so sad. Some of our very own loved ones. 😔

-Illustratum Paradoxon


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illustratum paradoxon

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