" If Bernard Ever Wants To Hear MY Theory, My Address Is These Legs Are Open Avenue "

I wonder how many wives joined Bingges harem because they were secretly lesbians and living in a mansion filled with beautiful women is literally heaven.

Our husband is out fucking some other wife? Dw girl I'll go get the strap.

Listen I've always said that pidw must have had several threesome scenes to appeal to gooners, and of course Shang Qinghua went "dudes love girl on girl action, I'll write these women making out for fanservice before they have sex with Binghe"

But then Bingmei ends up being gay and monogamous and suddenly there are all these women single who have an instinctive desire to kiss and fuck each other and no husband to act as their comp het middle man

Shen Yuan: how are the Palace Mistress and Sha Hualing dating!?

Shang Qinghua: I mean they did straight up have sex in pidw

Shen Yuan: yeah, for Binghe's attention! It was straight sex with another woman!

Shang Qinghua: I think I'm starting to understand how your mind works

Captain Marvel is an odd guy, not rude or mean or off putting in any way he's just, odd

He's almost always hunched over, rarely starts a conversation usually speaks when spoken to, prefers to stand on the side, a huge people pleaser, as if he's afraid to say no to anyone

Dinah has seen this many times before

Trying to appear smaller, not speaking much, standing on the sidelines, always trying to make himself useful

There is no doubt

Captain Marvel was abused as a child

Dinah talked to the Justice League about this and their hearts broke

How could anyone hurt someone so kind and happy like Marvel, especially as a small defendless child

Billy is unaware how his unaccustomedness to his size as Marvel and akwardness affects the Justice League, he's just happy to be included in their group

Wednesday: Enid, when I die, you have to die too.

Wednesday: None of this “she would want you to move on and be happy”.

Wednesday: No, I wouldn’t. Get in the casket.

Enid:

Most of the other women in fiction when the love interest is a bad man: its okay, i can fix him. Ill change him <3

Inej Ghafa: no one can change this mf. If he loves me, he'll change himself

I'm literally so obsessed with the fact that Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu married the most extreme versions of each other

like, I'm pretty sure that people have already brought this up, but Shang Qinghua and Luo Binghe have the same, "I'm just a little guy, you wouldn't hurt a little guy, would you?" pathetic, pitiful, crybaby aura (even though Binghe is a lot more selective with it lol)

and Shen Qingqiu and Mobei-Jun are icy beauty, rich, dense, spoiled brats that both go insane over (1) pitiful hamster man (for different reasons, but still)

I feel like if they didn't fucking die and get transmigrated, they could've had a cute assholes to assholes but lovers arc :<

it's so beautiful finding out that the ballad of the witches' road began between agatha and nicholas and their bond, and earlier on we find out that lorna wu created her version in order to protect alice I AM ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED.

will was so lucky elizabeth went to shipwreck cove in awe tbh you know damn well that compass would never point at literally anything else when he's holding it

The JL fight a magic user who casts a spell on everyone where their biggest weakness will be displayed above their heads. If Batman takes notes later, then that’s not on him.

There’s the predictable ones like Hal where it says ‘Yellow’, Clark says ‘Kryptonite’, and Martian Manhunter ‘Fire’.

But then there’s the one where you need to interpret like Flash halving ‘Bound’, the Hawks having ‘Clipped’ which pertains to their wings or even the ‘Pride’ on Doctor Fate.

What’s weird is that Batman and Captain Marvel of all people have the same word:

‘Adoption’

Little does everyone know that it’s for two entirely different reasons. Batman can’t help but adopt. Batson doesn’t want to be adopted.

No one knows Captain Marvel is secretly a kid, so everyone thinks he’s like Batman, but just doesn’t adopt (or thinks Freddy & Mary or the Vasquez kids are actually his if they are in AU). But for the sake of comedy, let’s not have them.

Batman thinks there is some kind of kinship, and asks how he battles the urge to adopt? Captain Marvel is trying really hard to not run away (he doesn’t want to get adopted, especially not by Batman, the puns enough are going to be atrocious).

It would look something like this:

Bruce: and that’s how I got all my kids. Or at least most of them. I’m not sure if technically family friends count, but they still got their parents, you know?

Billy, does not in fact know: yeah… darn those parents ammi right

Ollie, wondering if they should put Cap in the JL parent group: oh, do you have any kids?

Billy: oh no, I can’t (Cue misunderstandings)

Bruce: I understand the urge to adopt is real, good on you for not giving in. We live a dangerous life style

Billy: We’ll we can’t help the fae brain

Bruce: the what?

Billy, he just heard the term before and thought it was the common word: you know, when you just want to keep and raise a kid for yourself

Bruce, thinking of the numerous tales of witches and fae using first born children as payment only to realise it’s their way of adoption: … huh

Billy, just wants to escape and hug his tiger: oh it’s really fine. Anyways I need to bounce, but we’ll see each other on Mondays meeting

Proceeds to ruffle everyone’s hair (he can’t help it, he’s taller than anyone and enjoys the feeling of ruffling hair instead of having his hair ruffled)

Batman: oh OH

Cue most misunderstanding where they think Marvel mentally adopted them. They all have daddy issues anyways, so it really shouldn’t be a surprise when they try to be the fae brain favourite.

HAHA YOU THOUGHT YOU WERENT GETTING DAD MARVEL, BUT JUMPED ON THAT BANDWAGON THE SECOND IT CAME OUT

you wouldnt think it when meeting him for the first time but the lord of an ding is quite the smoker