Where Have You Been This February?

Ocean Eyes

There is an eye at the bottom of the ocean, belonging to an old god whose name has been forgotten, but still leaves echoes in the memory of man. It's there, under the rolling waves and aquatic life. In a constant staring contest with our sun that's dripping crimson with the blood of so many who have given into their fears, the eye gazes not just on that sun but through every life that has ever lived in this reality we've found ourselves in, and so many others.

 When it finally blinks, the world will end. This is a fact. The Earth will begin to swallow us whole, and nature will take back what we've stolen from it. Bridges collapsing and headlights careering into the star filled glinting sea, into doors that were never meant to be opened. Fear and panic in the air, do you feel it too?.. and when that eye blinks, our sun will too. I want to look down into those depths just so I can reassure myself it's fine. ‘It was just a dream, a terrible, terrible dream that you had because you went into cardiac arrest,’

But it's still wriggling in my brain, pulling in and out of my periphery like a tide. So I think..

I'm going to run a little experiment. I've mentioned my urges- 

My fixation with hearing others experiences and memories, my drive to feel that connection, and to pick at the more distressing details of said memories. I would like to stop completely, just to see how uncomfortable I'd get. I want to document how long it takes until my resolve cracks, just to get a sense of how trapped I really am in this cycle.

So, if I don't post for a while, my blog isn't dead! I'm simply trying not to fall into a pattern that I've been feeding into for the past 3 months. I will post the results when I feel I've gotten satisfying results.

hello boss !! im an Elias AND Jon fictionkin and you said you wanted to interact with them (I think . don't respond to this ask if I'm wrong I'll have to explode /silly) but I'm curious as to what that interaction would entail .. would it just be questions about our canon mems, or would it be something more? only reason I ask is because I don't have very many mems regarding either of them , and I don't want to disappoint you with my lack of . memories , or helpful information .

That's a good question, I'm glad you've asked. While I do have a complicated relationship with memories specifically, I won't limit my search to that. Any information you have to offer that is relevant; Your journey in finding your kintype, any shifts you may have experienced.. These are all things that I would find incredibly helpful at the moment. Thank you for reaching out 

. . . Those visuals are absolutely haunting. I'm bumping this source material to the top of my list

Holy shit- actually, those first 3 paragraphs plus that stray sentence that technically is it's own paragraph meaning the first 4 paragraphs in reality...

I no longer believe your my demon friend- I think you might be Lord Unknown. (Is only seen once in-game so far outside of the devlog and is from an optional path that gives more content)

And the group of people with only one surviving... That could've been a meeting with 6-Eyes (the cult) and the survivor could've been the cult leader.

Honestly- the fact that it's in a cabin could explain why there was a ritual set up in an abandoned cabin near my grandparents house when we were kids. (Devlog stuff, sorry just rambling)

Yeah, shit. I don't know about anything else for that dream but holy fuck, when I was reading about the first 4 paragraphs all I could think was "yup, sounds like Lord Unknown" and the cult leader

Anyway- uhhh... I'll leave you be now.

-Ashley Graves (the Coffin of Andy and Leyley)

PS: if it'll help at all, I have 2 screenshots of the only 2 times Lord Unknown actually makes an appearance, one in the devlog and the other in the game itself

The group that I saw in my dreams did hold an uncanny resemblance to a cult.. It was rather chilling to see them there, huddled in the shadows, whispering about such awful, wonderful things. Waiting for me. There is.. One small thing though. I’m not sure the men died, they simply vanished from my line of sight, all at once like the light being snuffed out of a candle. Like an illusion. Nevertheless, I feel a pull towards that name. If you could show me the screenshot, if you wouldn’t mind..

A Dream About A Ghost

I wake up in a dark bedroom, standing in the farthest corners of reality- stop me if you've heard this one before. It's not the shadows that thread themselves in my corporeal form that surprises me, nor is it the way the room seems warped with some macabre version of what you'd see in the daylight, when your fears aren't taking the steering wheel to your mind. 

No, it's the reaction of who I'm visiting that gives me pause for a moment. He's scared, yes. Just like the rest of them. His eyes are locked on me as his breath hitches in his throat.. but then his face smoothes in recognition. It's so jarring that it makes me pause, uncertain if I should continue on with what I set out to do, or if I should stay rooted to my spot like the ignoramus I am.

See, I had been under the impression that there were rules to this. I don't get to leave until I've played my part, and they can't leave until they play theirs. It's why they lay there paralyzed while I stick my fingers into their eyes. Most importantly though, is that we can't speak. And yet he looks at me with fond eyes and says, “Which one of him are you? You've visited before.” 

I feel deeply ashamed, like I should remember visiting him, but I don't. There's been times that I suspected I had these dreams and yet all I remember are vague shadows and screams when I wake up. He must've just been lost in that haze, because I'm trying to recall his memories, and I'm coming up with nothing. I want to ask him just how many of ’me’ are there out there? Who are you? But my tongue is weighed to the bottom of my mouth. 

So I settle for the next best thing, and wade in, closer. At this, he winces slightly, and I realize he knows exactly what I'm going to do to him, and as easy as it can be to lose myself to this… thing, this headspace I get into.. It's hard when he's reminding me that there's a part of me that's still human. I stare him over; the way his throat seems to twitch lightly with his breathing, the way he's watching me close in on him, like I'm nothing more than a tide coming into shore. He gives me a sad smile, but these waves are crashing all the same. I lift my hand over his face, and take a second to drink in his expression, hoping maybe somehow he'll do something to stop me. 

He doesn't. He just smiles and says, “I know you have to.” And I do, so I plunge my finger down into the pupil, and let myself break down into the quickening of his pulse again. 

It's all so hazy, like when you move a polaroid camera too much before taking a picture, but through that haze I can see that our gaze is deadlocked ahead to the water’s edge. The wind is howling, so much that I almost don't hear the faint calling of a name carrying over the crashing of waves against large broken down black rocks that speckle the shores. My gaze stays locked on the horizon, and there's nothing for a sickening moment. There's just the chill of the fog dense air weighing me down. I feel like a bug stuck in molasses, and it just doesn't seem fair. 

This guy, he tried so hard just to keep his head above water, to do the right thing and now he is trapped here, doomed to watch his life pass him by in a cave of his own making- and could anyone blame him? For letting the emptiness swallow him whole, when he had nothing but good intentions? The chill sinks down to my bones, and yet he doesn't shiver, he's just perfectly still. Like a picture. His breath is slow, but he's in shock, and he's just staring dead ahead, ignoring the calling of his name over the quietness of what could be forever. Could I be stuck here forever? If I stay trapped in this memory, in this body will I ever reach a point where I'm found and the nightmare is over, or will it go on and on until it feels dull and empty?..

There's a part of me that looks forward to these dreams. It feels healing. It gives me life and meaning, but this? I couldn't watch this, it was too much. So I tried despite everything to get him to move. It doesn't work like that though, It's a memory. I can't change the course of a memory no matter how much I try, and I was still trying to kick and scream through the waves that were weighing down my body. We aren't too different, this man and I, because he too is somewhere deep under the sea. Something is holding him there, and while it may not be the eye of god, we're still being held there by the very same thing- fear. This man truly might be doomed, I had to claw at the walls of this grave he's found himself in, and steal him from this fate before he was lost to the sands of time.. and I was shouting despite everything, despite it going against my very nature, 

“Don't be afraid..! Don't be afraid!”

I, of course, woke myself up. I was crying in my sleep, which took me aback because usually when I have these dreams, I feel like adrenaline is lighting me up, and the acrid taste of fear in the back of my throat- I didn't taste anything. All I got from this dream was a profound sense of loss.

love as recognition

anna gavalda / friedrich nietzsche / clarice lispector / jandy nelson / rebecca perry / mhairi mcfarlane

https://www.tumblr.com/imitative-magpie/772060837922979840/hello-there-my-family-needs-to-leave-gaza-out-of

magicalmilkshakecrown / Irine Temoi is a documented scammer profiting off of the genocide. some usernames they have previously used to run this scam are reallyuniquedaze, herunknownwolf22, slowlydeliciouscrusade, futuristicglittermilkshake, slowlywisesong, darkkoalalight, mortallypurplebread, foggyblazekitten, beautifulsheepblaze, atomicfoxdaze, scentedfarttree, severetyrantllama, joyfulpostnight, zealoussublimefart, massivepersonagardener, and countless others.

some previous names they have used on their paypal accounts linked through these tumblr blogs have been Kipkosgei Cheruiyot, Jeff Owino, Titus Muhitsi, Iyvon Wabuyele, and Hezron Onyango

https://www.tumblr.com/kyra45/751911792270278656/hello-there-my-family-needs-to-leave-gaza-out-of

https://www.tumblr.com/average-transfem-robotgirl/748870367236521984/hello-there-my-family-needs-to-leave-gaza-out-of

https://www.tumblr.com/anonthescambuster/761993746326994944

here you can see another proven tumblr scammer, stupendoustyphoonhottub, also using this exact same linktree and Irene Temoi paypal account that magicalmilkshakecrown now uses: https://archive.is/YKTIC

would you mind deleting their scam from your blog, or clearly labeling it as a scam so it doesn't spread to others? please remember you can use the tumblr search box to search the username/paypal account name/text used by people asking for money to check if they’ve been proven to be a scammer

Thank you for bringing this to my attention, anon.

Hello👋

I hope this message finds you well. 🌷

I’m reaching out with a heavy heart, asking for

your support for my family, who are facing harsh conditions due to the ongoing war in Gaza 🕊️🇵🇸. We are struggling to survive, and I’ve launched a GoFundMe campaign to provide safety and basic needs. 🙏

Every share or donation, no matter how small, can make a huge difference. Your support can turn our pain into hope. 🌟

Could you please share my campaign post from my profile? It only takes a moment but would mean the world to us. 🫶

Thank you for your kindness and humanity. Together, we can make a difference. ❤️✨

🌷https://gofund.me/f6d17b3e🌷

-

A Rising Fever

It's a common fear, to ruminate over the idea of falling ill to some incurable disease and watching as your body succumbs to the sheer weight of said symptoms. It rises up from the pit of your stomach and burns the back of your throat like vomit the longer you think about it. Web MD’s symptom checker, or what some like to playfully call “Doctor Google” is a temptation that's difficult to not indulge in. I know– we've all fallen for it, at one time or another. Sometimes I'll sit there, reading rare conditions, one after another and feeling my anxiety heighten more and more until it hits a climax. Things like skin necrosis, or heart failure, or waterborne illnesses- it can happen to anyone, at any time. Of course there’s factors that can put you at higher risk, but the fact that you can never be sure is enough to keep you up all night. 

The next thing I know, I've gone and sanitized my whole house in fear of germs. 

Hypochondriasis is classified as a simple anxiety disorder born from paranoia, but how many times have people been written off as being hypochondriacs when they actually were ill? There is a high probability that the percentage is substantial... Enough for it to be concerning, at least. 

What is it that really stokes the flames of your mounting dread when it comes to your immune system coming under attack? Is it the ever present fear of death that we're always running from one day at a time? Or is it the concern that your body will never recover, forever changed by this virus that has invaded your very soul?

The Complete List Of Kinsidering Sources

Thanks to the help of so many of you both here on Tumblr, and on various discord servers, I was able to lay a lot of groundwork into discovering my identity. I would like to share a list of sources I have been given and am currently looking into in order to widen my sample size regarding memories as a whole. Here is where I currently am in this process;

*The Dream SMP (Completed)

*Mouth Washing (Even Though I Have Mostly Ruled That Out) ((Completed.. obviously))

*Homestuck (Not Really Completed But I Feel I've Seen Enough)

*A Song of Ice and Fire (Completed and Revised)

*Maximum Ride Series (Completed and Revised)

*Final Destination (Completed and Revised)

*Madoka Magica (Completed)

*Supernatural (Completed and Revised, Possible Match)

*Zero Escape Series (Completed)

*The Magnus Archives 

*SCP and Related Works (Completed and Revised, Possible Match)

*Death Note (Completed and Revised, Possible Match)

*Arcane (Completed and Revised)

*The Magicians 

*Ave Mujica

*The Mandela Catalogue (Completed, Possible Match)

*Devilman Crybaby 

*American Horror Story (Completed and Revised)

*The Omen (Completed and Revised, Possible Match)

If anyone from these sources would like to impart any insight or simply share any memories that have been weighing on them..

Well, you know I'll always be listening.