I Want To Run Away And Bury Myself In A Bog.

my cat has Stars in his eyes and love in his heart

ive been needing to say more words lately.

ive told my dear all the ones I needed to.

so now i shall say them here.

coalescence

heathen

fortuitous

darling

charismatically

prestidigitation

opal

conartist

preordained

okay. good enough for now. I’ll be back with some sunlight next time.

i am miserable.

it is a “cry in the shower” kind of day.

A “fill your ears with water and hug your knees close” kind of day.

And i am a miserable creature who had to sit down in the shower today.

This is the kind of day that eats up every ounce of energy you have. It leaves you breathless while you lie on your side, mixing the salt on your face with the salt in the sea.

It is not a nice ocean that greets me this morning.

He tells me there is an end to it somewhere.

All I see is more waves.

I am holding cold water to my chest. Hearing rain pound against my eardrums. Feeling more water batter my already bruised skin.

And I am so tired.

when does this all end.?

i am

so

tired.

sometimes you just come across a storyteller who knows how to pull heartstrings like a harpist. I keep those close to my chest.

i reached out to someone and it didnt go well. Except in reality it really could’ve gone well. I didnt really give myself the space to be rejected- so now here i am back on my own.

It’s like i whispered to someone in a windy tunnel and hoped they heard me.

a carnivorous giraffe whose jaws can unhinge like a python’s

Every gift i’ve given was left to wilt. My love, my time, my trust. I wish the flowers I put in your hair didn’t fall out so easily. You don’t believe I love you, but it was all I was made for.

ive ascended to the third reality. this is good news

my head hurts

i hav no motivation

all i wanna do is eat and play minecraft

i just miss him honestly

sweet summer and bitter longing.

i miss him.

A promise and a hope.

I won’t miss him for long.

He’s so lovely.