If You Haven’t, I Hope You Fall In Love With Life Again. I Hope You Wake Up With A Happy Sigh, Hope

mmm a little grey is all

any use i had for my sanity is gone now.

Time to get funky.

I come back here when things are hard. So in spite of previous posts, please believe me when i say,

things have been better.

I’ve always said things do get better. And I’ve always been right about that. You know, he’s repeated those words to me. That brought a smile to my face. And I am still right.

I’m thinking of the nights when I used to break apart in my bed. A pain in my heart so palpable it scarred my skin. And then days passed. Years even. And the wounds healed and the days were bright and I found happiness again.

I haven’t felt pain like that again. And I don’t think I ever could. I know too deeply that I am beautiful and loved, for that ache to return.

It does get better.

Always.

~

However, I still get tired. And frightened. And sad. Right now I feel that.

The world feels like it crumbles beneath my fingertips. I believe in love. In safety. And my assurances fall away like dry sand. Every day scrapes by like a wounded soldier, dragging himself home.

I apologize for being so dramatic, to you the empty void. I’ve been missing love for so long.

And It’s always felt too good for me.

You know, in church we used to sing hymns? Horrible things. Monotone and droning. And there they’d weave their messages for me. A wretch they sang, working my mouth with needle and string. Sewing words in hungry earth, that blossomed into an endless fear.

A wretch. That I was not good enough for any type of love, except for love from a being you can not see, can not hear, and can not touch.

And my fear grows. Am I loved?

Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? AmIlovedamilovedamilovedamiloved oh please god let me be loved.

emotions are so constant

i dont mind em but i would like to just take a break from feeling so much sometime

maybe lie down on a beach somewhere, listen to a guitar, and rest on someone’s chest for a while

i feel

the stars are

singed

with the ash of burnt words

the night sky is

scorched

with longing for another

my bed is

burning

with the emptiness of being

without you.

my lover,

come home.

  When you’re going to kill a god, let someone else do your dirty work. 

my head hurts

i hav no motivation

all i wanna do is eat and play minecraft

god things have been so hard recently

i wish people would stop staring at me.

just because i dont have skin doesn’t mean i don’t have feelings