Any Use I Had For My Sanity Is Gone Now.

I have officially been waiting here for 635 days.

i am one lucky son of a bitch

if you see this give me attention

i need it

i keep talking and then feeling like i should shut up but it’s too hateful to believe so i talk more until I feel again like i should shut up.

this isn’t angst.

i want to talk in a way that feels harmless

this is a question

thank you and i love you for being safe.

has anyone spotted my lost rampant cryptid? He’s freakishly tall, has an unflinchingly beautiful gaze, and sometimes whispers memes to the wind.

I lost him somewhere by the sea and I’m pretty sure it claimed him. Which is OK (we’ve all been there), as long he comes back soon.

If he hasn’t been engulfed in the safe embrace of the ocean- well then THATS when I begin to worry. He is incredibly resilient while most people’s car alarms and windows are NOT.

If you have strange items that look like they could go into a magpie’s hoard DO NOT LOOK AWAY from them.

He will take them

He likes… treasures :3

I just hope he comes back soon. I miss his chaos.

i just think about him so much

hey sweet pea, can we have a complication of poems/excerpts that make you fall in love with love and all mushy and gooey inside?

casey reiland my boss informs me that moose are dying \\ james baldwin if beale street could talk (via @morepeachyogurt) \\ virginia woolf the years (via @weltenwellen) \\ keaton st. james rural boys watch the apocalypse \\ sayaka saeki bloom into you \\ james baldwin giovanni's room \\ peter gizzi lines depicting simple happiness (via @typewriter-worries) \\ @typewriter-worries \\ lizzie cernik how we met: 'it's like waking up to sunlight every day. i yearned for a soulmate - and i've found her' (via @havingrevelations) \\ jules ryan gravecleaner: "bloodwater" (via @springmyth) \\ @nobaracore \\ ladan lakshiri what does love mean? see how 4-8 year-old kids describe love \\ svetlana alexeivich voices from chernobyl (tr. keith gessen) [lyudmila ignatenko speaking about her husband, deceased firefighter vasily ignatenko] (via @papenathys) \\ aimee nezhukumatathil lucky fish: "baked goods" \\ thomas campbell \\ @soracities \\ vladimir nabokov in a letter to his wife véra, jul 8 1926 (via @saintesorciere) \\ anne carson recreation \\ victoria hannan kokomo \\ victoria hannan kokomo

kofi

i want to run away and bury myself in a bog.

Just inhale peat moss.

Let watercress grow from my ribs.

no more society.

no more squabbles.

only frogs and phosphine.

:,)

200 days ago i told myself i needed to start healing. I even wrote it down.

And then i did.

It was hard.

And it hurt.

In August of 2021 I felt happy for the first time.

It’s now January and guess what? Things aren’t perfect or even that great.

And I. Am. Still. Happy.

Yes there are bad things. [I miss my partner who FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE REASON has chosen to be born british. And i am not. Thankfully. But it does mean he is far away. Not cool. >:\ ]

BUT IN SPITE OF THAT

I am still happy.

i am loved

i am love.

i like this.

And I love this

And i love me.

And I love my people who love me and helped support me while I healed.

And so, I am happy.