200 Days Ago I Told Myself I Needed To Start Healing. I Even Wrote It Down.

i feel tonight as a being wrapped in old memories.

They are cloying and drip with slick and cold silver strings. A web of fear to enclose my little heart.

In this darkening void, i knew where the edge was. I still willingly walked out onto thin air.

I could understand that I, myself, am a being of lack and disgust

I know what makes a void like me too heavy for any surface to support

Yet how stupid am I to be surprised when i fell.

I have been caught in such a web again,

my fingers sliding off it’s wet surface,

deeper and deeper i slip away from the surface.

I can do nothing but grasp at empty air.

I wonder when the dark will claim me again.

corona is spreading like butter on warm toast. stay inside. dont spread butter

snow in the garden

one day you’ll find me

strumming my guitar by the sound of the ocean,

warmth of family and friends around me

who knows

if you see this give me attention

i need it

if you’re at a point right now where you don’t see any hope in the future, remember that the future will always seem overwhelming when you’re thinking about it all at once. you only have to live through one moment at a time. focus on now and focus on getting through this, because you will.

thank you and i love you for being safe.

i want to run away and bury myself in a bog.

Just inhale peat moss.

Let watercress grow from my ribs.

no more society.

no more squabbles.

only frogs and phosphine.

:,)

happiness kind of feels like an effervescent state of being that is endlessly removed from me

i still have hope though I suppose