Invisiblynumb

I wanted to be loved, but not like this.

Not like a lighthouse watching ships, that never dock.💔

I tear my heart open , I sew myself shut.

My weakness is.. that I care to much!

"You can tell me everything, i'll be here for you"

No you won’t.

You’ll use it against me later.. 🖕🏻

If only you know how my hands would shake when no one was looking. How’d I’d stay up late staring at the ceiling going over everything in my head asking myself if I made the right choices. If only you knew about the voice in my head that kept saying I wasn’t good enough that I wasn’t as strong as I tried to seem. I kept smiling , kept my voice steady because that’s what you needed me to see. But when I was alone behind closed doors . I broke down. The tears I held back all day would come pouring out and I’d finally let myself feel all the things I’d been pushing away. If only you knew how hard it was to keep going, to keep pretending everything was fine when all I really wanted was to disappear for a while. You saw me calm, put together, smiling like nothing was wrong. But you didn’t see the cracks the moment I doubted myself. The times I wondered how much longer I could hold it together. I made it look easy bc I thought that’s what I had to do. But inside I was fighting battles no one else could see. And every day felt like a new fight. If only you knew ….

Loving me is like watering a dead flower…