Mutuals I Am Hugging All Of You

Story idea!

A book/movie with an extremely sarcastic, loser character who is just absolutely cursed, like the very definition of a jinx, for absolutely no reason, like they're a good person, they do good things just for the sake of doing good things, yet for some reason, they are just absolutely cursed with the worst luck in everything, and it's a romantic comedy between them and the most sunshine, perfect, happy-go-lucky character ever, who has the most amazing luck and is just the exact opposite if the MC in every way, shape and form, with a kiss in a rainstorm at the end (bonus points if they both rub off on eachother throughout the movie)

DEI does not mean lower standards.

You are thinking of white privilege.

headphones at full volume aren't enough i need mitski to stab me

A romantic comedy between a mob boss and a cop, where the two are married and constantly have to make it seem like they just barely failed to get the other, one day the cop accidentally actually hits the mob boss, they mutter a quick "Oh god, I'll never hear the end of this." The whole squad around them congratulates them for finally hitting them, as to them it's a small step towards catching them, but the MC is simply filled with dread for when they get home, once they finally get back they ask(trying to lighten the mood but failing miserably) their parter(the mob boss) how their day was, only to get a very angry voice yelling from their shared bedroom: "How was my day!? You f***king shot me! That's how my f***king day was!" The whole rest of the movie is just more stupid antics and cute domestic scenes between the two before ending with a scene in the future with their child visiting they're graves, cleaning them and replacing the flowers, the tombstones of the two graves(which are right next to each other) having both they're names and some sort of sarcastic and or joking statement, plus they're final words(obviously) before rolling credits with the song "Da ya think I'm sexy" by Rob Stewart.

A movie that starts out as one of those cheesy, badly written hallmark movie, like the exact usual type of movie, down to every detail, even the trailers are the exact same as the usual hallmark ones, but, for some reason, the movie is rated R and is edited in a strange way, until eventually(close to the end, specifically after the typical "city girl" main character has broken it off with her lawyer boyfriend/fiance that they always have for some reason, making it too late for her to escape) it's revealed(only revealed to the watcher, MC remains unaware) that the whole small, cozy, typical hallmark town is actually a extremely murderous and dangerous cult, and the movie ends with the usual engagement scene that most hallmark movies end, except a split second before the end credits, there's a scene of the main guy/love interest biting into an already dead MC before the words "a happy end" pop up on screen written in blood and then the credits roll with the typical hallmark music before slowly distorting and then just cutting to blood-curdiling screams of the MC.

Some guy:"your bra strap is on show"

yeah, and? your trousers are sagging as if they may as well not be there. why the fuck would you want people to see everything? we don't want everything to be on display. why are you a man wearing your trousers halfway down your legs with other guys with you? whore.

you don't "hate kids," you hate being forced into a caretaking role.

you don't "hate kids," you hate censorship passed off as family values.

you don't "hate kids," you hate the constrictiveness of the nuclear family.

you don't "hate kids," you're just not used to occupying fully age diverse spaces so you're not used to the noise or the many different kinds of needs.

you don't "hate kids," most public spaces just aren't built for kids, and so the few kids you see are always uncomfortable and distressed.

you don't "hate kids," you hate the intense social rules assigned to kids and anyone who interacts with kids.

You don't "hate kids," you hate how society reproduces its most restrictive elements and how kids are powerless to resist it.