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loki: thor u absolute ho

A concept: Asgardian men do not show skin (A slightly cracktastic take, mostly from the POV of Loki)

A concept: Asgardian men do not show skin (A slightly cracktastic take, mostly from the POV of Loki)

A concept: Asgardian men do not show skin (A slightly cracktastic take, mostly from the POV of Loki)

A concept: Asgardian men do not show skin (A slightly cracktastic take, mostly from the POV of Loki)

Asgardian men wear full body armour, and will not be seen without a full body armour or a fully covering clothing set when they’re in public or receiving guests at home.

With the manner in which Asgardian men insist on covering their bodies (except maybe arms), one could say that Asgardian men never show their ankles as well. Like Victorian era ladies. It’s scandalous for an honourable Asgardian man to be seen in public in less than 4 layers of clothing, or with his legs or feet showing. Arm exposure is kind of allowed but frowned upon. It’s wholly not allowed in times of official ceremonies or celebrations.

They may only show their hands. So that any interested party may asses how capable they are before approaching them.

Well-groomed hands = good boi.

Asgardian women, on the other hand, can expose skin, no issue.

But men? *LE GASP*

Notice how Thor usually covers his arms when in Asgard. But on Midgard he exposes them fully. Like a ho.

Loki always covers up, like a man of high breeding. He even wears gloves sometimes.

On Midgard (say post Avengers AU? I like everyone alive tyvm), Loki is horrified to see that men expose their bodies so much. He almost goes into shock.

Thor takes him out to shop, as he’s now touted as the expert in all things Midgardian. Loki criticises all these shops Thor frequents for the scraps that he calls clothes. No wonder he looks like homeless man in his Midgardian garb.

SUCH TRAVESTY!

Loki asks them (shops) about bespoke tailoring and they refuse. THEY REFUSE? HOW DARE!

Loki is not happy. He curses these shops and their ancestors to Helheim and comes home without a single item bought. They had things in his size, but not in his taste. An enormous mistake.

All through the way back home Thor can be heard uttering long-suffering sighs, as if he’s holier than Loki.

No, Thor is one of those utterly shameless people who love to show off their bodies. He kept the tendency to show off at bare minimum in Asgard, owing to the social norms, but on Midgard, he has completely lost himself to this blatant mockery of their culture. What a ho ho ho.

Loki never forgets to slut shame Thor when he so unashamedly exposes his feet in the Avengers tower or when he’s receiving guests, wearing that godforsaken footwear called flip-flops!

BY THE NORNS!

Thor tries to defend himself. Tries…

Thor: I’m on Midgard! I can wear what I want! Show more skin, be more comfortable, sweet Valhalla!

Loki: You no good hussy! I’m telling mother!

Thor: I’m not even showing my whole feet!

Loki: No one will agree to court you in Asgard! They’d have to get you a bride from Muspelheim maybe.

Thor: As if you received any visitations from anyone! Your dance card was nearly empty last time we had a celebration!

Loki: It was out of choice! I was spying on a group of diplomats!

Thor: How come I didn’t know?

Loki: Because you’re not good at subterfuge, you oaf!

Thor: You’re just covering up for bad performance at receiving courtship!

Loki: Even if I am, you’re still a hussy! Showing off your feet and arms as if it’s not a bother to other.

Thor: It is NOT!

Loki: My eyes burn from the sight of your ungainly limbs! What is next? Uncovering your chest? Thighs? The whole sickening body of yours!

Thor: Meanwhile you keep sweating under all that armour or ten layers of leather.

Loki: I DON’T SWEAT!

[AN INTENSE SCUFFLE HAPPENS, WHERE NEARLY ALL THE FURNITURE OF THE COMMON ROOM IS DESTROYED, WHILE THE OTHER AVENGERS JUST WATCH, DUMBFOUNDED]

[NOT TONY STARK, THOUGH, HE’S SITTING IN A CORNER, NURSING A DRINK AND CURSING HIMSELF FOR ALLOWING THESE WEIRDOS IN THE TOWER]

(This is what comes out of my brain when I have to work on academic papers and can’t work on my fanfictions. Hence, I’m going to make everyone suffer with me by posting this nonsense. Some of you have already seen a rough version of this. Poor Souls.)

Tagging everyone and their mom:

@izhunny @magellan-88 @starscreamloki @lokiloveforever @lokilover9 @sigridlaufeyson @burningarbiterheart @the-lokis-queen @mastreworld @lisams20 @stars8melanin @iamhisgloriouspurpose @lasimo74allmyworld @vesperazylra @juliabohemian @foundlingmother @nuggsmum @devikafernando @welle-nijordottir @starrynight35 @tinaferraldo @helenaisabel @angryowlet @securitybreach @lokihiddleston @lokiperfection @sserpente @lokimymuse @loki-god-of-menace @shine-of-asgard @writernotwaiting @finney13gifs @wolfpawn @wolfsmom1 @thidom1231 @artemisnightingale216 @tremendouslydecadentfire @fadingcoast @archy3001 @lokislonelylady @sweetsigyn @rachel-angelina 

How to keep friends from forcing you into a relationship

I may not have updated last week, which is a little shocker. Assessment time is hard and mean, that's all I'm willing to say on it. So I've got this and I'll have something else out later this week as well.

Marinette here 2 3 4 5 6 7

Damian 1/2 3/4 5/6 7

Enjoy!

@vixen-uchiha @caffeinetheory @maybemanymuffins @kokoa-vb @yamadochie @captainmac6 @theatreandcomicfreak @sonif50 @emjrabbitwolf @damianette-is-life

"What could you possibly mean by 'not having a crush on Adrien anymore'?" Alya cried out to Marinette loudly.

"Easy, I don't have a crush on him anymore. I don't like him like that anymore. I find the idea of dating him to be something I don't want anymore." Marinette replied, leaving out all her sass for the idea of Alya would know this and see it with her two eyes if they actually had a conversation beyond Lila is nice and if Marinette was free to help Alya look after the twins.

If the girl with ombre hair had been paying attention, she would have seen that the two were no longer besties, let alone that Marinette no longer liked Adrien.

The bestie spot had been claimed by a friend from her childhood she got back in contact with by complete chance. Literally. A couple of months back she had been walking Fang as a favour for Jagged when he was stuck in an interview and the crocodile had gotten bored and wreaked havoc. Her old friend had practically appeared out of nowhere and petted the reptile, not even talking to her beyond asking if he could. He had checked over the whole crocodile as if ensuring Fang was well looked after before the two recognised each other from their time together for a summer in their childhoods. They had met in the summer when he was 12 and she was 10 when she spent it in America under her grandmother's care, with her grandmother's friends the Kent's, and tagging along everywhere with Jon. Marinette and Jon often spent summer holidays together, alternating location yearly in their childhood. Damian had been a strange addition to her summer that year.

They were not close friends though, he had not reached out after that summer, and Marinette did not either. The only reason they did hang out was because of Jon. But by the end of summer, Marinette would say they could tolerate each other.

But now, now their friendship was better. While he was visiting for a couple of weeks, they spent time together. She had his phone number now so he couldn't ignore her again. That did not seem to be happening as even with his return home they often called and messaged each other.

"Come on! I have the perfect set up and you and Adrien will be together!" Alya pleaded, bringing Marinette out of her musings back to her present problem.

"I don't want to do it besides," Marinette thought desperately. What could get Alya off her back, to stop this nightmare? Marinette considered one idea and then it fell out her mouth before she could stop it.

"I already have a boyfriend." Marinette watched as Alya froze while Marinette processed what just came out of her mouth.

Disaster. Why would she say such a thing? Oh, she was still going to be pulled on that date with Adrien, deal with his dreamy eyed staring at her as he excitedly planned their evening after dinner, because she will want to spend more time with her, and this was not going to end well.

"You can't be serious!" Alya finally exclaimed. Marinette barely considered before plunging in further.

In for a penny, in for a pound as the saying goes. And Marinette was already in for the penny.

"Definitely. Started dating about a month or so ago, flirting was exchanged, he bought me chocolates, I agreed to a date, we decided we like each other enough to continue contact and flirting with a second date planned up." Dammit, why was her dream to be a fashion designer, she could be a story writer with how quick she comes up with storylines. Alya continued to look flabagasted. As if Marinette dating anyone but Adrien was impossible.

"But I have everything planned out! You and Adrien have a reservation for tomorrow night for a romantic Italian dinner! He agreed! You can't just go and ruin all my hard work like this!" Alya glared accusingly at the designer. Marinette shrugged.

"Maybe if you talked to me a few months back I would have told you I was over Adrien, and a month ago liked someone new," Marinette was not apologising, she was stating fact, "if that was all, pass on my regards to Adrien, but no thanks, I need to get a move on, goodbye."

"Who is it?" Alya grabbed Marinette's wrist to stop her from walking away, determination in her face.

"What?" Marinette glared in return.

"Who are you dating that makes you unavailable to date Adrien?" Alya spat out.

"You don't know them. Not surprising. When did you and I last hang out?" Alya only tightened her grip.

"Who is it?" Came the damand again. Marinette's brain rushed again. She needed a guy Alya didn't know, and someone she could convince to go on a date or two because Alya wasn't going to give up on this unless Marinette was completely and utterly unable to get around it. The girl was super head strong. But she did not have many options. She couldn't pull a random name out of a hat she needed someone who she knew and her brain provided a name while Alya was still waiting that Marinette tried to say it without seeming like she had just choosen one at random.

"His name is Damian." Marinette outwardly held Alya's look, refusing to give anymore, internally panicking. Why, out of every guy, did she pick Damian? Even Jon would take less to convince and pull off the natural "we are dating" air while Damian was an ice Prince with the matching emotions! Cold, aloof, and freezing. Marinette finally wrentched herself out of Alya's grip. "Got to go. Bye." Marinette dashed away, hopefully she would be able to buy herself some time and maybe could convince her old friend to fulfill this favour for a month or two to convince the other girls she truly was over Adrien before school was finished for the year and she would be going to Metropolis University to study fashion.

God, did she hope this would work.

-----

Damian raised an eyebrow.

"You seriously did that?" He asked. Marinette nodded. "No." He stated.

Marinette held back the whine. She had to convince him.

"Please? Alya will not accept an answer otherwise! And she'll make me go on a date with Adrien if I don't show up with a boyfriend."

"I don't see why you can not just grab another guy and have him go by the name Damian for a couple of months." Damian argued back.

"Because the risk is still there, that she finds out the truth. Going with a guy I know and already has the name Damian is going to be easier." Marinette protested.

"You can not be serious. No, I will not be part of this charade,"

"Someone said charade?" Another familiar face appeared on the camera, "hey Marinette! What's got this guy pouting?"

"Hey Dick," Marinette cheerfully greeted, "I have a friend trying to persuade me to go on a date with a guy that she believes I'm still interested in."

"And you aren't anymore." Dick filled in, glancing at Damian. Marinette nodded before continuing,

"I was pretty desperate to get her to accept this. She wasn't taking no for an answer. So I said I had a boyfriend. She demanded a name. And the first one to pop to mind, that wasn't dating someone else and Alya didn't know was Damian. So I said Damian."

"That makes sense," Dick glanced to his little brother again, "and Damian is refusing to go along with it because?"

"None of your business Grayson!" Damian snapped, "It's childish and if she can not be honest with her friend that's not my issue." Marinette rolled her eyes. Dick gave a grin of clenched teeth.

"Hey Marinette? Give us a minute, Damian will call you right back." Before Marinette could confirm, Dick ended the call. Marinette groaned and wondered if she should just ask Jon to stand in for Damian. It would be so much easier...

But Jon was bad at lying, Marinette groaned into her hands and continued to think. Maybe she should start making lists of guys she knew and then list pros and cons for each guy. It would be easier than this. Her phone rang again, Damian's name lighting up on her phone. She picked it up and saw the face of her friend with a scowl aimed off camera.

"Hey." She smiled. He glanced to her and the scowl lightened.

"I'll do it. But we need to have a list of rules and expectations." Marinette light up.

"Thank you! Oh my god thank you."

"Yes, I know." He rolled his eyes. Marinette beamed at him.

"Really Damian, thank you." He blinked and cleared his throat at the following silence.

"So rules and expectations?"

"Right. Alya, and I guess a part of the class, are going to want to meet you, to ensure you are a real person and that I'm not lying."

"Even though you are," he interrupted, "but I think something can be arranged. I surprise you at school at some point and say I am there with father on business, so figured I would come and spend time with you, and reveal my existence when you weren't expecting it." Damian shrugged.

Marinette frowned, "I am not so sure that is required, surely a video chat would be enough,"

"But with the different timezones it may be hard to do so. Particularly with when you finish school I would still be in class." Damian countered, "besides it wouldn't be a complete lie, father has something to investigate in the European branch of the family business, I'll just tag along and bump up the date we actually go to see it by a few weeks." Marinette bit her bottom lip but nodded, "what would also be likely to happen upon first meeting me?" Damian asked, moving pointedly along.

"Well, Alya would interrogate you. Ask you questions about when we met, when you asked me out, what you like about me, when we started dating, that sort of thing," Marinette frowned in thought, "she may try to add pressure to get us to kiss or something to really prove it, but"

"She would want the whole lovey Dovey stuff that is romantic as if it is from a movie," Damian nodded, "as well as checking both stories match up. I suggest we keep the story mostly to the truth, you struggle with lying as it is, when did you tell her we started dating?"

"A month or so?" Marinette worried her bottom lip as he snorted.

"We'll make it a month and 4 days today. Then I'll just keep track of the dates and whenever I show up it will be fine." Damian decided. Marinette nodded and noted it in her calendar.

"What else did you mention to Alya?"

"You got me chocolates and we've been on a date with another planned?" Marinette ducked down at his glare, "and I officially was over Adrien a few months ago."

"...right, we'll say that we had an impromptu date when I first asked you when I was in Paris. You at the time didn't realise, thinking it was two friends hanging out, even if it was a little fancy for your taste. We enjoyed it and you wished for a proper date with how well we were getting along. We have an online one, as I can not meet you face to face, where you ask if I would be willing to enter a long distance relationship. I agree. I got you chocolates for the first date that you thought was strange but insisted on sharing right there with me." Damian set out the storyline for their start to dating. Marinette nodded.

"That works out well. There then wouldn't need to be much remembering."

"We'll keep most of it to actual events we have, phone calls to each other, and details we both know, stories from that summer as kids to reconnect to one another, romantic embellishments thrown in." Damian shrugged. "Are we missing much else for a background check?" Marinette thought and shook her head, "Okay, then onto rules. How do you feel about physical affection?"

Marinette blinked. Damian waited. He was a very non touching person, unless he trusted and felt close to the other person. And he knew that would be required with dating someone.

At least Marinette was a friend. And not a stranger. But knowing what Alya was expecting...

"Kiss cheek greetings, hugs and hand holding, I'm comfortable with," Marinette started. Damian nodded, "Alya will probably demand a proper kiss but, if you rather not we probably can get her to back off."

"We'll go with a kiss cheek greeting and hope that starves her off, we will work it out if it does not. I think that would be enough to start for now, I'll think about stuff we have forgotten, stick to our cover for the relationship, if you need to give more details, keep me informed. You should be going to bed now." Marinette glanced at the clock to see it was late.

"Yeah. Thanks again Damian. Good night!"

"Good night." Marinette hung up and breathed a sigh of relief. Damian was going to help her. She wouldn't be forced to go on a date with a guy she did not like.

She now could only hope that this all paid off.

Marinette sat at the back of the classroom. Her classmates having heard the tale from Alya were all curious. Adrien even more so to wonder what guy she was with to turn down a date with him when Alya and the other girls had talked about the obvious jealous issue she had with Lila over him. They all clamored for details on this Damian. Marinette refused to say his last name stating that it wouldn't mean anything important to them, and talked about how he was an annoyance as kids and how he put on airs but had really mellowed out since then.

Rose asked about meeting him.

"You can't. He is in America." Marinette stated.

"Oh, pull the other one Marinette, you are dating a boy from America? Get real and stop this lie on dating someone when you aren't." Alya stood with an eyeroll.

"I'm not lying Alya." Marinette protested, "Damian is from America but we knew each other when we were younger. And he is my boyfriend."

"Oh Marinette you're so brave to enter a long distance relationship. Heaven knows they don't last. My one didn't even make it a month!" Lila exclaimed.

Marinette barely held back her own retorts.

"You were in a long distant relationship Lila?"

"How cool!"

"What was it like?"

Marinette couldn't help her jaw drop. She couldn't be in such a relationship, but Lila could and it would be accepted at a drop of a hat? Unfair.

"To begin with it was amazing, and it became harder as I loved him more yet the distance kept us apart. Then I found him cheating on me! What I find strange is that his name was Damian, and he lived in America too... Do you think it's a coincidence?" Lila gasp, covering her mouth,

"It could be! Marinette you're better off cutting your loses before you end up duped and just go out with someone else." Mylene anxiously stared at her friend, the others nodding.

"I highly doubt it's the same Damian. Besides, my Damian wouldn't go as low as to cheat on someone. We know each other, he wouldn't do that." Marinette crossed her arms, and moved to ignore the class as Lila picked up a new cry of just wanting to look out for the girl. Marinette rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone, mentally calculating the likelihood Damian was awake. Deciding he probably wasn't, she shoved her phone in her pocket and waited to see what else was in store for her day.

Next

oh yeah, with the new size limit for .gifs this thing can finally be posted

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🎀Last updated: August 23, 2024🎀

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@lavender-moony, @noah-uhhh-what, @nebuluma, @otakusef, @hana-no-seiiki, @iamapotatoe, @delias-stuff, @anuttellaa, @3mi1ygr332, @ilyyuuji, @h0rr0r-10ver-69 , @starlaisopaque , @ferakillia , @sleepyghoster , @quirkylaugher, @imaginarydreams , @iinhalemayonnaise , @nckcn, @eggonog , @gaychaosgremlin , @cryingpinktears ,

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More will be coming! [Hopefully]

yall look at this shit ad*be is tryna pull now on ppl who have outdated software:

(note for context: i’m all for piracy, but in this case my copy of CS6 was downloaded years ago when they were giving it away to students. i got it totally legally.)

my first popular post

I keep remembering how L was supposed to be an unattractive character but here we are. that raccoon has acquired so many people who are horny for for him.

Batman: Why did you bash the Joker with a pipe?

Reader, got isekaid to dc: excuse the fuck out of me

Batman: ...

Reader, hasn't have a wink of sleep and is starving(joker becoming an outlet of frustration, exhasution and hunger: That hideous shit has a gun pointed at me! Whatddya expect me to do?! Let him shoot me?! This is why sometimes I wanna hit you too

Batman: ...

Jason: yeah that is my buddy now

Isekai Reader/you: look bru- Batman I respect your no kill rule, but that shit don’t apply to me. That clown mother fucker was looking at me funny and besides his ass looked like it could use a good, firm beating.

Batman: you could’ve killed him!

Isekai! Reader/ you: good! That fucker shouldn’t be allowed to live in the first place! Who knows how many people died due to other people’s hesitance to put a bullet between his fucking eyes!

Jason: exactly! Exactly! See they get me, they understand!

Batman: he’s got broken ribs, broken kneecaps, broken ankles, fractured skull, some severe brain damage and a punctured lung!

Isekai! Reader/you: damn…

Batman: do you see now-

Isekai! Reader/you: I should’ve hit him harder

Batman: …

Isekai! Reader/you; and with something more damaging too then a pipe…I’ll try again next time.

Jason: *twinkles in his eyes* they’re perfect.

Batman: Jason no-

it's me, icpo. i'm L, speaking to you inside your brain-

I want doot doot

ha?

every single person who reblogs this

every

single

person

will get “doot doot” in their ask box

But seriously 5 minute crafts be like,"oh you got a stapler in your ear? Try adding a little sprite in it."

i’m .........