Jalakanyaka - Seine

Gregorio Fernández - Cristo yacente (1636).

being a thalassophile with thalassophia is horrifying. God set me up for failure

Salomé 1919 by Max Oppenheimer

to love like a dog

ada limón, roadside attractions with the dogs of america // emily wilson, the odyssey // u.k // andrew kane, how to be a dog // mitski, i’m your man // u.k // u.k

me after screaming at everyone i know and isolating myself from my family and locking myself in my room because i think no one likes me or cares about me and the voice in my head said so and it practically runs my self esteem

forget about touching grass, i need to touch THE SEA I NEED TO GO INTO THE WATER I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think about my best friend from middle school and how i still follow him on social media and watch him do photography of cats and concerts and how i wish i could tell him i miss him and love him and how he was my first everything and i can't thank him enough for being everything to me. i think about how bitter i feel when i see him with other people but now miles separate us and i wonder if he feels the same about me i wonder if he misses me. i still carry the pink rock he gave me years ago. i call it my lucky rock and it goes with me everywhere i go

this cruel envy fills me whenever i see that others are doing worse than me. i think it's a superiority complex or a messed up inferiority complex but there's this voice inside me that parrots "you must always be doing worse than them." everything feels like a competition for the worse because those who feel bad also get attention and i want that attention. i want people to care about me, i want to be sick so people can acknowledge that i'm sick and think about and talk about me like conversation topics so i feel special to them, no matter how terrible it is. i know it would be impossible to achieve this through good things like awards or competitions, so i'll get the attention in the one way i can: by suffering and making everyone aware of it. i'm not good enough that people will care so i'll be sick enough so they'll be forced to care

no one cares but my make up is

pressed powder

mascara

blush

highlighter

lip tint / lipstick / lip gloss

i like playing dumb about not knowing things so someone who cares about me will gently explain it to me and i will feel loved once in a while

i also enjoy peoples faces lighting up when they get to explain something to me