Personally I Like To Take A Character And Combine 19th Century And Modern Day Advice.

hey my first book, scars & souvenirs, is on sale for 99¢ (usd) until the 21st

https://books.finleykjames.com/scars

Aziraphale would rather learn ten different languages than learn math.

stop making aziraphale a good student in your human aus just because he loves books like NO! aziraphale cheated on his ONLY assignment (in which the assigner was literal heaven) by making it a group project with a demon, because he wanted to spend more time doing things he enjoyed!

teachers would HATE him because he'd be reading his own book under the desk instead of paying attention in class, his report cards were full of "aziraphale is smart but needs to apply himself more", he'd fail all his exams because he wanted to read jane austen's entire collection the night before instead of studying

tetanus fact: it's an old wives' tale that tetanus is caused by rusty metal. it's actually caused by puncture wounds substantially deeper than they are wide, which introduce ubiquitous anaerobic spores (i.e. the "seeds" of single-celled organisms which cannot grow if exposed to oxygen) into a warm, poorly-oxygenated space in the body. so receiving shallow cuts from a rusty knife is not likely to give you tetanus but puncture wounds from clean but non-sterile objects can. this is great news if you like receiving superficial wounds from rusty knives and blades and swords all over your dumbass body

Aroaces need this

Reblog if you believe Tumblr should add the aroace colors to the aroace hastag. Make this a trend to get their attention

this actually

Me: So yeah, casual english has completely changed since then. Nowadays instead of 'There was a crying baby on the bus today' you would say 'Me when I'm in a being loud and annoying competition and my opponent is crying baby on bus.' And then you'd post this picture of Squidward. Oh, uh, Squidward is a guy from a cartoon-"

Reanimated Corpse of John Wilkes Booth: *Has been staring angrily at a penny for the last 15 minutes and not listened to a word I've said*

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

There's over 9 million users on Tumblr now. Reblog if you're one of the few who's never EVER left anon hate in somebody's ask box.

I feel a bit disassociated from most Tumblr discourse regarding the Israel-Palestine conflict because it mostly just feels rooted in absolute hatred of 'the other' - whether it be Israelis, Palestinians, Jewish people, Muslims, and/or anything else in between, and it's one big game of the oppression olympics, and that's game with absolutely no winners. It's just another race to the bottom, and too many folks seem to be willingly partaking in this...it's not gonna end well for anybody.