Please I Cannot Take This 🥺

(i hate this, but i didn't had time to write another one. sorry for every mistake you could find in it but english is not my first language and I don't write very often in english)

elippo week day 1 - roommates "too kind"

you are too kind, and you know that. you care about everyone, even if you don't really know them, and there's another proof of that.

It was around 3 A.M., You were bingewatching sense8 sitting on your couch, when you decided to take a little break. you taked your phone and viewed the notificiation. you opened the chat with marti, he forwarded a looong audio message. you sighed, pressing play.

you still remeber the sentation in your stomach, while you were listening to that audio.

you didn't expected that.

you didn't recognized the boy who was talking, probably you didn't even know him, but fuck, fuck it was heartbreaking. he was crying and sobbing so hard he couldn't talk, he was sluttering nosense things for a lot of seconds, and you were just breathless.

he started talking properly, saying "marti, marti i'm so sorry, i-i know it's late, but i-i don't know what to do. my dad, my dad, he-" and he started crying and sobbing again "i just want to get away of this house marti, i'm so scared, i can't breath."

you remember you had to stop the audio for a second, tears started to fall down on your cheeks without control. you were crying and sobbing just like that boy was doing, and you still ask yourself why you were crying like that for a person you didn't even know. maybe it was because it reminded you about your panic attaks, or maybe it was just his broken voice, and his sobs, and his crying...you calmed down a bit, letting the audio play again.

"Marti, please, i beg you, let me stay at yours for some days, please, the time to let him calm down, please" the audio ended. his disperation in his voice breaked your heartyou wiped his tears, answering to Martino with "holy shit darling, who's that?!?"

he answered you immediatly.

from marti: fuck...

from marti: shit filo sorry, i wanted to send it to luchino not to you, i'm sorry, just forget that

to marti: no Marti, i can't just forget what i've just listened.

to marti: that was aweful

to marti: who was that guy?

from marti: i can't tell you

to marti: marti fuck please, if you don't i will send it to Sil and she will recognize the voice for sure

from marti: fuck, okay

from marti: it was Elia

Elia, really? Elia, the fucking hot, shallow, rude and with a really good ass? you didn't expected that. you visualized him like the usual straight white boy that have everything from his life, without problems and that doesn't give a fuck about everything, and at that moment you was ashamed of yourself for having thought all those things...and for what then? for a coat? for tan skin? for love of soccer? for obsession with fifa? or maybe it was the earring made, of course, on the left ear. Maybe it was his way of doing things, his beauty that left you speechless and made you think only that, with that face, with that body, what could go wrong for you? fuck, you felt so guilty. you were the first who hated prejudice, and yet you couldn't help but having prejudice on everyone.

from marti: don't tell anyone

to marti: what happened with his father?

from marti: filo, i've said too much, please

to marti: it's okay

you taked a breath. you couldn't really believe you were doing that. you waited a little bit before sending the message, just to think if you really wanted it, and yes, you fucking wanted it, that was the right thing to do.

to marti: but tell elia that i'm searching a roommate

from marti: but you're not searching a roommate

to marti: well now i am

from marti: what about ele?

to marti: she is with prince charming in new york, she wont care

from marti: okay

from marti: why are you doing this?

yeah Filo, why the fuck are you doing this? you're not even going to have something in change from him unsless money (if he haved it, if not you were obviously going to give him the room anyway)

to marti: 'cause that audio was the worst thing i ever listened to, so if he needs help i want to do all i can

from marti: thank you so much Filo

from marti: I appriciate that, and he will too

from marti: you're too kind for this world, really

to marti: i know

fuck, you knew.

You didn't even know this fucking Elia, what if he was the world's worst roommate? if it was impossible to live with him? God, he was coming, and you were already starting to regret making that decision.

you had spoken to him twice, in chat, and beyond various agreements on payment and various thanks from Elia, it's not that you spoke so much. He probably didn't even know that you knew, but that you knew what? that he have daddy issues? that he had a panic attack? you didn't even know what you knew, or at least in that moment you didn't know, then you got a bump of awareness as soon as someone rang the bell, and opening you seen Elia, smiling, with a box in his hand, and a bruise upon his eye. slowly swallowing, letting him in. his father had done that giant thing on his face? As soon as Elia put the box on the table, he came to hug you suddenly.

"Thank you, Fili, you don't know what it means to me, really," he whispered in your ear as you strenged him in your arms. How much you wished you didn't knew, to think that he had that bruise in a meaningless and meaningful fight, that meant as much to him because he had finally become independent, how much you wished.

"don't worry" you said by giving him a kiss on the cheek, which you did with anyone, but not with strangers like Elia, and yet you felt that you had to do it. You stroked his back, then you loosened the hug.

"How did you do it?" you asked him, pointing to the bruise on his face.

For Christ's sake, don't you know the saying, "Chi si fa i cazzi suoi campa cent'anni"? (OKAY LISTEN I'M SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TRANSLATE IT, and in italian it sounds a lot better, but it basically means "who minds his own business lives one hundred years).

"uhm, nothing...some guys were beating a boy, I defended him and they punched me, nothing really important" he slightly looked down, uttering those words, but with a little reassuring smile. reassuring? fuck, you trembled at the thought of that boy being beaten, moreover by his father.

"hm, understood. it hurts?" you asked him, because, again, were you too kind and precious to the fucking world, and you were so fucking worried about him.

"not much".

"All right, come on, let's go, I'll show you around and help you move your things to Ele's room" You smiled at him, put one hand on his shoulder, then carried him around the house, showing him first the living room, then the kitchen, the bathroom, your room and then his room, Ele's room, you know, that room. You came back alone, took the box from the table, and you couldn't help but look inside.

Again, Fili, chi si fa i cazzi suoi campa cent'anni, when you want to understand it? Inside, there were clothes, T-shirts mostly, Cds, photos and a thing that you couldn't identify well, you thought it was something to make music, you didn't know how to use it or its name, and you didn't even care. you took the Cds in your hands, one was Fine Line by Harry Styles (is elia really straight?), one Evergreen by Calcutta, and another was Uomo! by Mondo Marcio

You putted them back inside the box, taking some photos. one was with a girl, who must have been about your age, while all the others were with his friends, most with Contrabbandieri and nicco all together, and some were where he was alone with martino, or only with Luca. You putted them back in the box, noticing another photo that you had missed. a picture with Sana.

excuse me? ok back, what you had just seen? Elia. with Sana. Elia who took a photo with Sana. Elia who took a photo with sana and also printed it.

you put the photo back in, on your way back to Elia.

Filippo, you're the nicest person in the world, okay, but you need to mind your own fucking business.

you were too kind, so kind that you sacrificed your time and your cock to help your very good looking roommate understand his sexuality better, without even earning anything in return. a real angel.

too bad that you felt you were attaching too much to that boy, and now when you're fucking you no longer closed your eyes, concentrating on the pleasure you were feeling, but you kept them open, observing elia's body, the bruises on his body ( that elia kept telling you that he made them falling from his skate, but by now you had understood that it was his father who made them, when elia on Sunday came home to have lunch with him), kissing them, while you concentrated on giving him pleasure. that thing wasn't right.

you had decided to remain fuck-friends even when elia understood, already after the first blowjob, that he was bisexual, and now you were regretting it, because besides that there was nothing, out of bed you acted like normal friends, and that thing made you feel like shit.

you hated yourself because you kept telling yourself that love was not your thing and that you would never fall in love, and instead you always ended up falling in love, and always with the wrong guys. you felt like an imbecile, a fucking imbecile. you felt like an imbecile when elia suddenly sat on your legs and started kissing you and you didn't even have the strength to let him get off and say no, tell him what you started to feel, get away before the situation became unmanageable. perhaps it already was. you felt like an imbecile because you didn't even understand what you felt.

you entered the house after being a week in america with Eleonora, finding Elia lying on the sofa, sleeping, as you had predicted from the fact that he hadn't answered your many calls; he seemed very tired. you sat next to him for a second, stroking his hair and face. suddenly he woke up, slowly opening first one eye and then the other.

"Good morning" you smiled at him, and he immediately sprang up sitting.

"fucking fuck, I forgot you would come back today, fuck I'm sorry, really"

"don't worry eli, really. How are you?"

"I'm... well, how did it go with ele?" he seemed a little doubtful, but you decided not to tell him anything. you had noticed the pale face and the big dark circles under his eyes, but you were looking for the best time to talk to him about it.

"very well, even if I missed you a little bit" you risked , you know it well, but the smile that immediately formed on elia's face made you pass all the anxiety.

"say that you were actually missing my ass because you can't stay a week without fucking" chuckled elia, pushing you slightly.

"sgam... in fact I was wondering if you wanted to make up for the lost days" you smiled, approaching him to kiss him, but he put a hand on your chest.

"I don't... not now, I still have to cook and-"

"Let's order a pizza" you approached again, placing a hand behind his neck, but he put pressure on your chest, moving, with a sorry and anxious look at the same time.

"Filo really, not now"

"yes, of course, sorry, sorry if I insisted" you looked down, you felt incredibly guilty.

"it's nothing..."

"I really order pizza though, and in the meantime you can rest a little longer, yeah? you need it" he gave you a small smile, murmuring an okay, getting up and putting himself on his bed, falling asleep in a short time .

unfortunately for elia he managed to sleep for half an hour, before your pizzas, a margherita for you and a diavola for him, arrived, and you had to wake him up. the truth was that elia didn't want to eat, and he didn't even have the strength to. he was hungry, but at the same time the mere idea of ​​eating made him feel bad, and he just wanted to stay in bed all day, everyday.

he stayed more than 5 minutes staring at his pizza, and you started to worry.

"oi... don't wanna eat? don't you like it?"

"yes, I like it..." and yet he still didn't eat, staring at his empty glass of water, which in 5 minutes had already filled up twice.

"Then what's wrong? Are you still tired?"

"I'm not hungry, fili" his voice was getting smaller and smaller with each answer, his gaze lower and lower.

"did you had breakfast?"

"no.."

"eli ... did you ate while I wasn't there?" your heart started beating fast. you couldn't let it happen to him too, after you saw Eleonora abandoning herself, not eating for days, and after you saw Silvia doing the same thing, you couldn't.

"of course I ate Filo..." you didn't believe him, but from experience you already knew that insisting on that thing would only make him angry and he wouldn't get anything.

"eli, what's wrong with you? you can tell me about everything, you know"

"I know..."

"How about if you eat a little bit and then we rest for a while on your bed? mh? you are pale darling, if you think I'll let you go without even taking a bite you are wrong" you put your hand towards his, stroking it slightly

"filo..."

"yes?" he detached his hand from yours, moving away a bit and slowly raising his shirt, leaving his chest uncovered, with three large purple spots.

"Christ, how did you do it?" you knew it, and even if I hadn't known this time you wouldn't have drunk the excuse of skateboarding, a fall doesn't leave you those marks.

"I came out to my dad" he said, lowering his gaze once more, along with the shirt.

"Lia..." you didn't know what to say to him. your parents had reacted decently to your coming out, and anything you came to say to comfort him seemed stupid and useless.

"I was stupid, it's my fault, I knew he would have this reaction"

"Elia, what the fuck are you saying? it's not your fault ok? it's not normal to do something like that, you're his son!"

"It's my fault because I shouldn't have told him Filo! He's been beating me for any bullshit for years, it's years that I know what he thinks of people like us, and I even thought he could react decently!" elia held back her tears as hard as she could, and you could see it from her broken voice and bright eyes. you hugged him, strong but so as not to hurt him.

"eli ... I'm so sorry, I swear to you, he doesn't deserve a son like you, and you don't deserve a father like that, and... I know you will be angry, but I knew it... I knew about your father... I'm sorry eli, I should've done something, I know, but I didn't know what to do, and you kept lying to me and..." you felt like shit, you knew everything and you hadn't done anything to avoid it. you weren't made for people, and elia deserved a better person than you.

"Filo doesn't matter, I don't know how you knew it but it doesn't matter, you couldn't have done anything... at least now he doesn't want to see me anymore, it hurts, but now it's over... now I can be me, and even if-if I will remember all this forever, now I can live without being afraid of him anymore... and Fili... even if I haven't told you about this, it doesn't mean that I don't care about you, that you are only my roommate or my friend with benefits, it only means that I didn't want you to worry about me, or that you found out that I'm a mess, I was afraid of ruining everything, because I'm happy with you, you make me feel good... I stopped thinking about..suicide, since I lived here, if you hadn't taken me as a roommate, I... Christ, you saved me Filo" he began to cry, and together with him you burst. you took his hand, squeezing it tightly. all his words began to spin in your head like a vortex; I care about you, I'm a mess, you make me feel good, suicide, you saved me.

"elia..." you took a deep breath, you had to do it.

"you don't have to say something-"

"I love you elia" you closed your eyes to not see his reaction. you ruined everything, but you needed to tell him how you felt.

"what?"

"I'm sorry ... really, I'm sorry, it shouldn't have happened, but I love you, and I really don't care if you don't love me, but I want to stay with you eli, I want to be your friend, and make you feel good, and prepare you fucking pancakes at 3 in the morning when you're in chemical hunger, and I want to hug you when you're sick, I want to be there for you, even if I love you and you don't love me, because you're one of the few people I've ever really cared about. "it was now impossible to stop your tears dripping down your cheeks.

elia seemed speechless, and you just wanted to sink into the void.

"I love you too" you heard him murmur, and you immediately looked up at him.

"really?" you kept crying, but this time there was a big smile on your face, which immediately formed also on elia's, who nodded.

you approached him quickly, kissing him. it wasn't your first kiss, but it was like it was.

at that moment everything was gone, the bruises, the pain, everything, it was just the two of you.

you had a lot to talk about, but at that moment you had something else to think about.

for once, your being kind and nosy had served you something.

OK Mr. Tomlinson I see you 👀

Lucy Gray should be proud to know she haunted that evil man every damn day of his fucking miserable life

April Diaries Pt.4: Xdinary Heroes

i’m speechless 😶

Midnight Rain

𝐽𝑎𝑐𝑎𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑠 𝑉𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑦𝑜𝑛 𝑥 𝑓𝑒𝑚!𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: female reader/description, canon divergent, brief mentions of smut, abandonment (committed by reader), angst, use of Y/n

𝑆𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑝𝑠𝑖𝑠: Despite the love she harboured, she wanted more beyond that of a princess' court life, with a need for a pain that called louder than the lulls of simple comfort.

𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝐶𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 4003

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Disclaimer: I know there is another author who has a oneshot of the same title and pairing, but this was not deliberately taken from her! I was just listening to the song and got some inspiration.

A/N: live laugh love, angst <3 there will be a pt 2! I'm so sorry for not posting, apparently holidays make it harder to write

TO SAY THE PRINCE OF DRAGONSTONE CARED FOR HIS LADY WAS MORE THAN AN UNDERSTATEMENT. Lady Y/n mattered to him more than his station, his future crown, Seven Hells, perhaps the realm. They were not officially betrothed, not yet at least, but it was clear to anyone that they were more than friends. One could even call them lovers, but it is the weight of the name and the youth of their souls that they could not properly bear the title, not to its truth. Nevertheless, the two were an inseparable pair, who longed for sweet kisses and the thrill of young love. Many could claim it was fleeting, that it would pass, and in some circumstances, they had a right to those words. But no one could deny the way the prince looked at her. He lit up like that for no one else, he would show no such ardour to another.

The Lady Y/n was born to a House of a minor lord. When her father visited the Red Keep, she’d followed him dutifully. She didn’t know what was to become of her then. While her father talked to King Viserys over the matters of his affairs, the little girl was approached by a young Jacaerys. He offered to play with her, to which she gladly accepted. Before him, she’d been sitting outside the council room with nothing to do but awkwardly reciprocate the waves directed to her from passer-by. The prince was delighted to discover the lady’s true nature, a bright girl with large aspirations and big dreams, contrary to the coldness from beforr. He would listen intently while she spoke, a habit that remained even as they grew older.

“I’m going to be king one day,” Jacaerys declared proudly. “I will rule over everyone in Westeros.”

At that, Y/n had gaped. “Even me?”

Jacaerys wrinkled his nose in thought, tilting his head sideways. Then, he lit up. “Since I’ll be the ruler, I can make any rules I want and everyone has to listen. You can do whatever you want when I am to be crowned. Promise.”

“Wow!” Y/n exclaimed in awe. “I want to be a warrior. Like Queen Visenya. I shall slay all my foes on the battlefield!”

“Then I shall send you my armies!” Jacaerys suggested excitedly.

From that moment onward, the two had decided to be great friends. Of course she and her father had to return home, but after relentless begging from both parties, she was sent back to the capital for a visit. Jacaerys had never been happier upon the return of his new friend, and Princess Rhaenyra noticed it. She proposed an idea to Y/n's father; let her become a ward under the Targaryens. It was a great honour, no doubt, and to receive the invitation directly from the Iron Throne's heir, there was no way he could refuse. Besides, there was an obvious hint of betrothal, and to be connected to the family that ruled all over the Seven Kingdoms? He might as well been blessed by the gods.

At this news, the children were overjoyed. They couldn't believe it. At first, many nobles chided the princess and the lord for making a foolish decision. The two were barely strangers, only meeting for bare days. Surely they would grow bored, as children do. But the arrangement only solidified the fast-growing bond between them. Proximity was a gift, and so were Y/n's goals. Aforementioned, she wished only to be a powerful warrior of her own right, and without any obstacles, she could get there. She was fierce, determined, even as a girl of youth. But that was what she was. A girl.

Luckily for her, her caretaker happened to be in a similar situation. Rhaenyra had been faced with much slander and restriction, due to her role being the future ruler, but as a woman. She decided Y/n would have what she desired, without any objection. From then on, she provided Y/n with whatever she needed, training lessons, in swordsmanship, hand-to-hand combat. The young lady has never been happier. Her old home was all tradition, sit still, look pretty, do not speak unless spoken to. Her only friends were empty-headed people, ones she couldn’t talk to, much less play a decent game with. Here, she was free, a bird with lavish wings, able to soar as fast and high as she wished. And she could do it alongside Jacaerys.

Much to the court’s surprise, Y/n was proficient. With a blade she was as swift as the wind, graceful as trickling water. She could easily attack and disarm. Additionally, she exceeded with a bow and riding horses. It was in unbefitting of a girl her position, they would say, but she ignored it all. They were almost as persistent as she. “She is such a lovely girl, any man would steal a chance of wedding her. Shame she is so unruly.” Many words like that had come at the expense of her training, but she easily ignored them. Similar to her, Lady Baela, who enjoyed the same things and endured the same remarks. Aside from her first friend, Y/n had begun to seek comfort from her too. She would settle in comfortably.

Over the passing moons, Y/n grew, as a child does. Her face has lost remnants of past infancy, and parts of her figure had filled out pleasantly. But she still retained the same glint in her eye. She had Jacaerys tripping over his feet.

He’d always liked her, as friends do. Her face was pleasant, he liked her. Platonic. Unfortunately, no one can push away feelings, nor can they reactions of the human body. After their years together and her stupidly pretty face, he was completely smitten. She always had a sneaking suspicion, and he made it clearer when his confidence grew. Of course she felt the same way, only she was better at hiding it. Jace was all mooney eyes and wide smiles. Y/n was stolen glances and hidden grins.

And perhaps an example of her admiration was the day those two younglings finally admitted the affection they held for one another. It was hot, the weather humid and balmy. Y/n had decided to skip training that day, and instead take up her time reading in Jacaerys' room. He was bent over his desk, poring over his endless studies to better himself as a candidate for the throne. She was seated on his bed, her eyes straying away from the pages of her novel. She couldn’t help but notice. Delicate pearls of sweat collected on his forehead, the glorious shape of his nose, the way his brow furrowed when he didn’t understand something. Gods damn her, she loved to see his hands work, the protruding veins and the flex of his fingers. She watched silently. He was beautiful.

Jacaerys thought it was too good to be true, yet he felt like something was staring at him and he let himself imagine. For a few moments he didn't look back, until his mind itched him to do so. He glanced to his left from the corner of his eye. His teeth pressed into his bottom lip to prevent the emerging smile. She was looking.

"Y/n," he suddenly said, sounding nonchalant as he flipped through another scroll. "Are you... staring at me?"

She froze, immediately turning away and lying back down as if she did nothing. "I was not."

Jace chuckled. He rose and pushed his chair into the desk and made his way to sit at her feet. "You were."

"I was not."

"You were."

Y/n shut her book completed and set it aside on the table next to his bed. She crossed her legs. "I would never."

"And yet you did," he flashed her a smile that she needed to slap off simply because it was so infuriatingly enticing. He crawled closer, and her eyes narrowed. "You were looking for a very long time, I'd wager."

"I didn't!" she insisted. She was not usually like this, and she wouldn't ever be caught again.

He caught her chin with his forefingers, a sudden surge of confidence washing over him. He made her look straight into him, forcing her to stare deep into his sweet brown irises. "Now you are."

Y/n was glaring profusely, but Jace ignored it and kept on smiling. She was about to open her mouth in protest. Whatever words she planned to say were cut off by the swift movement of his lips on hers. It was chaste, and invoked a flurry of... whatever the tingly feeling was in her stomach. He pulled away, looking terribly pleased with himself.

"So?" he grinned deeper. "Up to your liking? Or-

She had pulled him in by his collar and kissed him again. It was faster, more aggressive. He had nipped at her lip, making him able to slip his tongue into her mouth. He groaned, squeezing her waist tightly. This went on for awhile, until they expectedly had to part. She refused to look him in the eye, but he merely laughed, moving beside her. Jace wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the side of her head. She didn't reply, but settled in his arms contentedly and picked up her book again.

From that moment onward was a change to their dynamic. Well, the basis of it was the same as it always had been. But there was change in the kisses they shared, the way he touched her, how he gazed upon her like she was the Maiden come upon earth. Though in the end, they were alway going to be Jace and Y/n. She would talk, he would listen. He constantly spoiled her with gifts, while she enjoyed gifting him with her time. He would embrace her, and she would accept.

Jacaerys made her feel like none other, like she could be safe and secure. But her traitorous heart loved rush and thrill. That's why she found so much pleasure when he would pull her into a dark hallway, trying to stay quiet as he lifted her skirts above her knee, the risk of it all. She had not forgotten her childhood wish, to be like Queen Visenya Targaryen. She wanted to go out into far lands, to feel the sting of swords and the bite of spears. Y/n had spent so much time pent up in the old walls of her childhood home, bound in the chains of expectations, her spirit could not be satisfied with the life he offered her. Inevitably, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. She knew it would be anytime soon, and she would have to choose between her dreams, or her beloved.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

CURLS OF STEAM WAFTED OFF THE TOP OF Y/N'S BATH. Her day was long and strenuous. Criston Cole had been bitter the last time she beat him, and put in twice the amount of effort in their spar today. Men and their egos, she sighed as she dropped off her clothes and lowered herself into the tub. The hot water seeped on top of her battered skin.

"Anything else you require, my lady?" asked the maid that stood dutifully at the side of the tub. She had a towel hung over her arm.

"No need," Y/n responded. "Leave the towel by the basin. You need not stay."

"Very well, my lady," the maid replied. She neatly folded the towel and placed it as Y/n instructed. Before she left, she curtsied politely to her mistress.

The scented oils were relaxing. She dipped her hair back into the water and shut her eyes. And that was how she remained for the next moments, completely in her peace. Until the footsteps.

She recognised them. An attempt at silence, but still steady and noticeable.

"Jace," she murmured, sitting up.

She heard his laughter. "How do you always guess?"

"Because I know you," she replied. She was greeted with his handsome face beaming down at her.

"Smart girl," he remarked. He dragged a small stool over behind the tub, sitting on it and leaning forward. "Did you fare well today?'

"T'was wel-" she paused when he left small kisses on her shoulders, leading up to her neck. She could feel his smirk against her skin. "T'was well enough."

“Good,” he kissed her cheek. “I shall not bother you any longer. I have work to do as well.”

“Stay awhile,” she requested. “Just a minute.” It was not the norm for her to ask such a thing, though to Jacaerys it was a welcome surprise.

“Very well, my sweet,” he kissed her head.

Oh how she despised herself. The feeling when she was with him was so comfortable. Too comfortable. It was sleeping in a soft, plush bed, until you sank into the mattress and became smothered by the sheets. Jace would never do that to her, he understood how she went about things and what she didn’t want. But she knew the more she restrained herself, the more it would feel that way.

“Y/n I must go now, I’m afraid,” he brought up after the minute flew by. “Mother expects me to bring her these scrolls at the end of the night.”

“Go,” she urged.

“Shall I see you after supper?”

“Yes.”

After supper was their time of indulgence. He had ignored honour, for the first time in his life, and taken her maidenhead in one heated night, where both could no longer push away the desire and heat that gnawed at their guts. Jacaerys had become good at it, knowing exactly how to please her. During those times a she would let go of everything, think no thoughts, succumb herself to him.

Not tonight. Even when his head was buried deep between her legs, her mind was still on her endless debacle. She wanted to be with him terribly, but there was so much more she yearned for.

Jacaerys sensed the difference in her behaviour, she was not reacting like she would. He held her thigh in his grip, lifting it onto his shoulder as he managed to find a deeper angle. Nothing. He frowned and pulled away, gently laying her leg down.

“Why’d you stop?” She asked, as if she hadn’t been listless the entire time.

Jace's handsome features were concerned as he went to kneel beside her. But his lips glistened so enticingly she leaned forward to kiss him, though he managed to escape it. “Do not try and escape this, Y/n. Something plagues your mind.”

“Nothing plagues me,” she denied. “I am content. Do it again.”

“I shall not,” he was stubborn as she was, and sometimes she hated it. “You are clearly having a debacle over something in that pretty head of yours. I intend to know what it is. You never let me help you, my sweet,” he slid onto the bed, kissing her head. “Allow me now.”

“It is mere fatigue,” she answered.

“Fatigue?” He didn’t quite believe her.

“I overworked myself today,” Y/n lied. “I extend my apologies. You were… doing well.”

“Well,” he repeated.

Y/n turned around. “You excelled. Is that what you’d like to hear from me?”

“Very much so,” he chuckled and kissed her head again. “Perhaps I shall give you a prospect to think about? A good one, do not worry. I should hope you will like it.”

“Mm… what?”

Jace's head drooped down to the level of her ear. "Marry me."

Oh.

Oh poor, unknowing, innocent Jace. He had unintentionally made things worse now. Dread settled into her stomach. It felt harder to breathe.

“I…”

“I do not expect you to answer me now,” he quickly interjected. “I know marriage is the last thing you have on your mind. And even if it is only a betrothal, I understand it is a hard choice for you to make. Though, I would love nothing more than for you to be my queen, my wife."

Y/n had to fight back the stinging tears. The choice was impossible to her. Marrying him was betraying her dreams, but going out and listening to her head would betray Jacaerys. She felt his lips press to her temple, and how he rubbed her arm to calm her down.

“I need time,” she answered, trying to keep her voice under control from breaking.

“Of course,” Jacaerys replied. His eyelids fluttered. “It appears I am fatigued too. Will you mind if I retire in your chambers tonight?"

“Not at all,” she smiled weakly. He liked to spend time and sleep in her bed sometimes. Not a lot of people were pleased about it, but there was not much that they could do.

He kissed her goodnight, removed his shirt and slipped under the covers, miraculously falling into a deep sleep instantaneously. She watched the rise and fall of his chest, the prominence of dark lashes against his skin. And the dam burst.

Y/n had never felt so helpless. She clamped a hand over her mouth as she sobbed heedlessly. Her breaths were shaky, her fingers trembled. She was being dramatic, wasn’t she? Any lady with a brain would immediately choose a prince. Why couldn’t she? She should. He was right there, and he was utterly devoted to her. The thought of it plunged her into a deeper abyss.

It wasn't as if she had an opportunity to go out anyway. But marrying Jace meant tethering herself there forever. And even if she were allowed to venture out, she would always have to return. She would never be truly free with that.

It took several moments to recollect herself. Y/n wanted to cry more, but that wouldn’t solve anything. Perhaps in the morning, after a night’s rest, she could consider things.

Night’s rests were overrated.

By morn, she’d felt more awful than ever. How could she do this to her Jace? They loved each other so deeply, no doubt, but she still would question accepting his proposal. She wanted that warrior's life for so long, even thinking about settling, having to be trapped within stone walls til she died squeezing out a babe, she would shudder.

When she awoke he had already left. Jacaerys used to be notorious for sleeping in, but ever since he started taking his responsibilities seriously, he rose just as the sun did. Y/n was glad he did. Seeing his face would wrench her heart.

Soon, her two maids walked in to help her ready herself. They drew her a bath, picked out her dress and her jewellery. Y/n normally insisted upon doing things herself, but she allowed them to do it all. Their expressions were telling too, even the servants of the household knew that the lady wasn't behaving as she typically did.

"Thank you," she spoke to them after they were finished. She stared at herself in the mirror. A lady. A lady who belonged in the confines of court.

Her room walls were closing in.

Y/n pushed her doors open and stomped out into the halls. The King's Landing air was balmy and thick. She walked and walked, ignoring anyone passing her. Her dress seemed to constrict her stomach, her throat tight. She couldn’t be here anymore. Not for duty, not even for Jace.

She walked and walked. Until she stopped. Voices. Y/n had not realised she'd found herself at the doors to the council room.

“… resurfacing in the Stepstones.” That was Daemon.

Her curiosity was magnetic. She tiptoed closer, peeking through the crack and bringing her ear closer to listen.

"The Triarchy?" Jace. "I thought you extinguished them years ago. It was to my information that grandsire Corlys secured the area for us not two years past?"

"The Triarchy are cowards," Daemon snarked. "They fear us, they would never make another attempt on their own, but they have made an alliance. A new group. The scouts I sent out report back emerging ships. We shall uncover their identity soon enough."

"What do you suggest?" came Rhaenyra's voice.

"Send out men," Daemon replied. "A few hundred or so to battle off the newcomers. If the situations grows dire, we send in more. It could lead to another war... but securing the Stepstones are important. However we should send them as soon as we can, on the morrow, I'd venture. Prepare them tonight."

This was her chance. She could get out and fight. Any rational thinking was gone. She couldn't be here forever, she couldn't live the life of a princess and be made to serve men or constantly birth babes. She listened more. Daemon would send out men, and they would board the royal fleet at the harbour by dawn.

And Y/n would be going with them.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

NOBODY SAW HER OVER THE COURSE OF THE DAY. Y/n had skipped all her meals. She was packing, taking with her what she would need. She planned her escape, when to leave, how she would disguise herself. By the time she was ready to leave, the moon glowed and the stars winked at her on the pitch blank expanse of the sky. Despite the slight shake of her hands, she couldn't help but feel liberated. She was chasing her childhood idea, the one dream she would desperately cling to each night.

She would sneak aboard the royal fleet before the rest of the men came, and hide for most of the journey. Just a few more things into her satchel, clothes, a dagger, a waterskin. She also owned a beautiful carved sword, a present from Jacaerys. Jacaerys.

"Y/n?"

Oh no. This couldn't be happening, he wasn't meant to be sleeping. It was like she summoned him herself. She was certain he had gone to bed.

"What are you doing?" He sounded so accusatory she could feel the guilt resurfacing.

Now was not the time for regret. It had to be done.

“I’m leaving, Jace," she finally said.

“Leaving where?”

“The Stepstones.”

He frowned. “How did you know-

“It doesn’t matter,” she interrupted. “I want this. I need this. This life it- it does not suffice, not to me. I cannot continue like this. I can’t- I can’t be your wife, Jacaerys.”

Any light from his sweet brown eyes died. She spied his fists curling. “W-Why not?” His voice cracked. Y/n had never seen him so upset before, not since the death of Ser Harwin. “I would let you go and fight, Y/n. I could- I could make you happy.”

“I would always have to come back here,” she tried to keep her volume down. “I would always have a duty. I do not want that duty. I cannot go off on my adventures, always knowing I must return and fulfil what makes me unhappy. I must take the path I want.”

“Let me go with you, then,” he pleaded, stepping forward as tears sprung from his eyes.

“You cannot do that!” she exclaimed. “Your destiny was always meant to rule the Seven Kingdoms. You must stay and be Prince of Dragonstone. For you, that is where duty comes first.”

“Duty has never came first with you.”

She looked away. “Don’t.”

He took his steps toward her, cupping her cheeks in his warm hands. “I cannot understand this at all, Y/n. I know you want to be a warrior, to fight for honour and glory, and I would never forsake that from you. But you are giving up on what we have built upon all these years. I do not want to lose you.”

Now the tears fell. His thumb stroked them away, but he was equally as saddened.

“This is best for me,” she whispered, pulling away.

“Y/n, I beg of you-

“I’m sorry, Jacaerys.”

She hurriedly took her things and began to leave. He was left standing there, watching. Y/n looked back. “I’m sorry.”

Tags: @jacespookiebear @januarybella @kimm4710

Published: Wednesday 12th July 2023

That thing about fertility

A great many people who are befriended/follow Uhtred say Sihtric is favoured by Freya and Freyr

This stems from one Yule time in Cookham, when Sihtric was allowed to sacrifice the boar

It was his very first time

He got more blood on himself than on the sacrificial grounds

That brought around the joke that from now on Freya will favour him

He will have many children it is said

And nothing has ever been more true

His libido is off this world!

He can go for it anytime, anywhere

He is not quitting until you are with child

And even when you are, he will only leave off when you tell him

He is 100% horny!

And a himbo

You are most certainly with child 80% of the time

So many babies!

And Sihtric loves all of them

He is such a proud and loving father, holy fek!

He definitely does his best to be involved as he can be

Considering Uhtred still likes him by his side in battle

He also all but insists on being with you during your labour

Uhtred usually allows that

And how elated he is when he gets to hold another newborn babe in his arms

And he finds you so pretty when you are with child

He will not waste a single moment to make you feel confident

Be it with a baby bump, just post partum or with a baby on your boob

Sihtric will always tell you how amazing he thinks you are

And often also how much you turn him on

Because fuck you do!

Especially in your second trimester

There is barely any leaving your bed

Because holy shit you drive Sihtric wild every hour of the day

It's become a bit of a running gag for Uhtred to ask you if you are pregnant every time he sees you

Be it with a bundle of joy new in your arms or with a belly full to bursting

And you always answer 'Knowing my husband, I might be'

Though Sihtric will absolutely give you time to recover as much as you need after birth or when one baby is particularily difficult

And then there is the adopted kids

First it is just Cynlaef

But Aethelstan seems to yearn for a true family as well

So you say he can go ahead and call you Mother and Sihtric Father, if he wants

The young royal bastard had already been living under your roof since Uhtred had taken him in on Edward's request

You and Sihtric simply have the most stable family/homelife

Sihtric and you are absolutely loving parents to your boys

They are both raised, like the children of your blood, with the old gods

Though Finan and Osferth make sure Aethelstan gets a christian education as well

Cynlaef and Aethelstan are both very good big brothers

They are very helpful with the younger children

Especially Aethelstan is soooo good with the young ones

Oh the happiness

BIG FAMILY, HAPPY FAMILY

MasterList of Fic Tags

Below, you will find links to all my tags for fics. 

Warning: some fics may contain 18+ content. Read at your own risk.

SkamIT fic | Nicotino | Elippo

SkamFR fic | Elu

Skam NL fic | Dutch!Even (nlAU) | LuKes

Druck fic

WTFock fic | Sobbe

Van der stoffels

My Fic

~Some are reposted on my AO3 too.

IF YOU ARE ON MOBILE, simply click on the tags on this post (below).

If you ever catch me randomly laughing at nothing, it's because I remembered that comic panel where Tim is like "my girlfriend is pregnant" and Dick just falls off the fucking roof.