Literally Me In Life

linkedin is full of people i wish i could kill myself in front of

navi

pt 1

"okay, okay, that's enough!"

you hissed in pain as roxto dabbed the paste of herbs on the red gash across your arm.

"i'm hardly even halfway, (name)." he deadpanned, pulling your arm closer to his body to resume his work. the medicine stung with every press, almost making you regret chasing after such a big fish past the reef.

"maybe if you had waited for aonung to catch up to you, you wouldn't be sitting here and whining like a baby."

"and let it get away? no thanks! you should thank me for the great feast we're going to have!" you gleamed, muttering a silent prayer to eywa as thanks for what she has provided.

"still, it was dangerous, you should've waited for the others." roxto emphasized, wrapping the fabric covering over your wound. you were competitive, you'd rather take the glory all for yourself than for aonung to have his name all over the achievement as the chief's son.

"but thank you," he added as he tapped your arm to signal he was finished. you smiled, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.

"thank you, too, roxto."

the journey back to your marui was met with many greetings from the metkayina, many of them congratulating you on your big feat and asking if your arm was okay. you had almost reached there when tsireya stopped you, lo'ak trailing behind her.

"(name)!" she held your hands in hers, squealing in excitement.

"i heard what you did, that's so cool!" she gushed, your cheeks flushing at her compliment. more flooded out of her mouth before she quickly left in excitement to prepare for the night, leaving lo'ak with you.

"hey," he greeted, his arms slinking around your waist to pull you close. you nodded in response. your hands were on his chest, feeling his heartbeat underneath.

"what's 'reya talking about?"

reya.

your mood instantly dropped.

here we go again.

"got a big catch on my own," you mumbled. you slowly tried to wriggle out of his grasp in hopes of him not noticing your discomfort.

he laughed, "you?"

you frowned at his retort. it felt like he wouldn't believe you could pull off such a thing.

"yes. me. i've done it before, why would it be so unbelievable this time?"

his face contorted in surprise, he definitely wasn't expecting the tone of your voice.

"you did?"

"i told you.. the day we first hung out as a couple."

he didn't remember. he hardly remembered anything about you anyway. or was it that he didn't care to listen? his mind always seemed to wander off somewhere when you'd talk to him. maybe it was that, he was just occupied that day.

"oh, my bad."

that's all he ever says.

you rolled your eyes before muttering some lame excuse so you could leave. you've had it with everything. you didn't know what to feel anymore. a part of you felt like you deserved better, but another part of you kept making excuses for him to keep the picture-perfect image of your relationship intact.

at eclipse, you were sitting around the fire with your friends, and some other metkayina, as you enjoyed your catch for the day, getting flustered at exaggerated compliments from roxto.

"it's almost like eywa blessed specifically this fish! i promise you!"

"that's enough, roxto. you're embarrassing." you groaned before kicking some sand in his direction to shut him up.

"oh no need to feel so shy, (name) the great hunter, we all know of your great hunting feats." he teased. he elbowed you as a laugh escaped his lips at the sight of you covering your face.

however, it got you thinking.

great hunting feats.

was he exaggerating? or did he really know about your hunting stories? you don't even recall mentioning anything. it must've been during a fleeting moment when you two were exchanging small talk. roxto seemed to know a lot of things about you. both small and big, and you hardly remember telling him about them.

it was then that you realized, it wasn't only roxto who was like that. your friends remembered things about you, too. tsireya knows you like to talk to the ilu as you feed them, so she gives you space in order to make you feel comfortable to do so. neteyam knows which parts of the meat you like more, and therefore tries to save those parts for you. aonung knows what time of day you like to hunt, and when you absolutely hate going, which becomes evident when he only invites you around those times.

all your friends paid great attention to things you said, and you did the same for them, too. it's what made your bond with everyone so strong.

if your friends could do that, why couldn't lo'ak?

it's hours later when you see him again in the comfort of your marui. his eyes are casted downwards, mouth twisted in a frown.

"hey, why didn't you sit with me?" he broke the silence, voice barely above a whisper.

"didn't think you'd care." you replied indifferently, moving past him to stretch a little and get yourself some water.

"didn't think i'd— what is wrong with you? i always care."

he seemed angry, but you knew he was more upset than that. lo'ak would never get boiling mad with you. maybe that was another way he had of showing he loved you. but you'd rather he treat you like everyone else than how he'd treat you now. you'd rather he be more joyous like he was with others, more expressive, instead of treating you like his pastime.

"sure doesn't feel like it, lo'ak."

"what are you trying to say?"

"i'm saying i'm—" you hesitated.

do i really want this?

you're not so sure now. the thoughts always crept back, claiming you were overreacting and lo'ak was just like that. you just had to deal with it. but as you thought back to today, with how roxto cared for your wound, and your friends congratulated you, listened to you, while lo'ak didn't even ask about your injury, you decided you didn't want this anymore.

"i'm done with this. i'm done with us."

maybe you misunderstood. maybe you overlooked things. maybe he did love you. but it just wasn't in the way you wished he did.

a "midwife" you say... tch. such a foolish word. a wife could never be mid. all women are epic

Joining the Jake+Cat headcanon train 🥰

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