A Half-assed Shitpost If U May

He might not look exactly like his profile picture but he's a gentleman, that's for sure!

Commission for @swampythesweetsketch :3c

Sly Cooper: Thieves In Time Redux

Here's a super abridged recap of my rewrite of Thieves In Time...

Prologue: Penelope is revealed to still be behind the events of the game. She nearly gets kidnapped, foolishly tells Bentley about it in a panic, then gets roped into joining Sly, Bentley, and Murray for the whole game. She enters the game keeping a dark secret of betrayal.

Paris Tutorial: Joins Bentley in the sewers. They get separated, she gets her own segment. She saves his skin as they reunite.

Turning Japanese: Does her tasks to avoid looking sus. Tries to go rogue during Altitude Sickness. Runs into Sly and El Jefe's duel, then decides to help Sly. Also gets scolded for running off. Her secret is safe.

Go West, Young Raccoon: Manages to save Bentley's skin twice; once during Cooper For Hire, and again during Jail Break. Also gets to see Carmelita tearing Sly a new one, making her see a dark future for her and Bentley. Secret is still safe.

Clan Of The Cave Raccoon: Gets very sick, sees the error of her ways. Sees Sly and Carmelita not getting along, doesn't want the same thing for her and Bentley. Resolves to become a team player. Secret is still safe.

Of Frogs And Mechs: Sir Raleigh is revealed to be behind Penelope's botched kidnapping. She also has a robotic impostor. His men kidnap her. She mostly frees herself, and she gets to fight her impostor and Raleigh. She also gets closer to Bentley. Secret is still safe.

40 Thieves: Spends the whole episode pulling her weight and then some. Le Paradox reveals her secret of betrayal during All Rolled Up just when she's starting to feel like a true member of the team again. She refuses to rejoin the skunk. Her secret is out.

Paris Epilogue: Leads the raid on Le Paradox's blimp, then starts the final boss fight. Nearly loses before the rest of the playable cast comes in to help. Gives a speech on what she learned about friendship and takes Le Paradox down.

Aftermath: Tries to leave the Cooper Gang out of guilt, only to be forgiven. The game ends with her still on their roster. She and Bentley are also engaged.

Let's all just pretend this is what actually happened instead of the hot mess that was vanilla Thieves In Time.

Feel free to make as much fanart for this project as you want. I'm no artist; just a writer with big ideas.

Thieves In Time Redux: Rewriting Episode 3

Listen to Toad Town - Blue Streamer Removal while reading this.

When it comes to rewriting Thieves In Time, one episode I can't wait to get to is Clan Of The Cave Raccoon.

I get it. Clan Of The Cave Raccoon is nobody's favorite episode. But I believe I know how to fix it.

Many things will stay the same. Our heroes being stranded in prehistory, Carmelita storming off, Bob being the ancestor in need of saving, and The Grizz being our arc villain.

One thing that won't be the same (besides Penelope now being part of the adventure) is how Murray is treated.

I stated earlier that Murray won't be going through much of a character arc in this rewrite.

While that's still true, he will fall into a bit of a depression right after the events of Getting Stronger. Not because of Bob, but because of Penelope.

You see, she's going to be sent out to demonstrate all the things Bob has to do during Getting Stronger. There's just one tiny issue... She's feeling under the weather. Still, she pushes through long enough to get it all done. After the mission is cleared, though... she passes out. Turns out she's not just a little under the weather. She's very sick.

This places our heroine on bed rest for the next several missions as per a very worried Bentley's orders.

It's understandable, then, that Murray would feel partially responsible because Penelope (or Sis as he's been calling her) passed out on his watch.

On Penelope's end, being stuck on bed rest gives her the time she needs to really think about what she's done. I'll briefly go into what leads into her change of heart...

She's seen what her treachery has led to during her journey across time.

She's also seen what her dishonesty could lead to through Sly and Carmelita, especially if she still has the gall to defend herself if she gets found out.

And finally, the boys taking care of her while she's sick ends up being the final push she needs to see the error of her ways.

Oh, and she gets better in time for OP: Jurassic Thievery.

I already spoke about how Sly and Carmelita are doing in this post. They're... worse off than in canon.

Now for the main reason I'm looking forward to this episode... The boss fight.

I've already mentioned the premise in earlier posts: Murray and Penelope team up for a boss fight. Helps that the latter has just gone through her change of heart, and without anybody knowing.

I'm also using the opportunity to follow up on a few things that happened in Episode 2. One of those things is how Bentley has progressed in his character arc.

Last episode, we saw our favorite turtle promise to tone down his overprotectiveness towards Penelope after the events of Jail Break. Before this boss fight starts, we get to see him decide not to interfere. Although maybe letting her (and Murray) fight a giant-ass ice skating bear is a bit much...

Thankfully, his faith in her pays off. But let's go over his thought process throughout that entire scene...

"She can't do this!" "He's going to snap her in half!" "She's doomed!" "Why did I bring her along with us?!"

"No. She can do this." "This amazing woman broke me out of jail and fought off a career pirate!" "She'll be fine." "Why am I doubting her?"

"I promised her." "She deserves my respect." "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still worried, but… I need to let her soar." "Penelope, show that guy exactly why you're our secret weapon. Our Wild Card. And make me proud."

At around the same time, we have our Villain Of The Week, The Grizz, recognize Penelope. She's shaken, but is able to convince Murray not to believe the villain.

(Not looking forward to writing that scene, BTW. Mainly because of a certain bear's dialogue...)

Seeing Sly, Bentley, Carmelita, and Bob watching this, she convinces Murray to let her finish The Grizz off. He agrees. Now cue what may be one of the biggest missed opportunities in the franchise.

I have to say... This Murray/Penelope boss fight might just end up being my favorite of the lot. I've got a basic outline of how I want the fight scene to go, but actually finishing it might take a while... And yes, there will still be ice skating. From both heroes and our villain.

Anyway, the boss fight ends with Penelope finishing The Grizz off, with help from Murray.

Funny how right when Bentley is learning to let go, Penelope is learning to ask for help when she needs it.

The end of this episode has our heroine, after the van gets fixed, get her chance to return home to Paris. Out of a sense of guilt and responsibility, she refuses, wanting (and perhaps needing) to see this through to the very end.

Our five heroes then set off for their next destination, with Penelope now game for anything this wild adventure has to throw at her.

I ain’t no dumb blonde, I ain’t no stupid barbie doll!!

attempting to copy sly cooper's art style lmao

@extraneousdominomask

Thanks for the feedback on this post. I finally got around to making that Decibel comic!

I had an idea for an alternate story line for Sly 4. So I decided to sketch it out. In this one, Penelope is kidnapped and forced into building a time machine for La Paradox (instead of just agreeing to be his lackey for….reasons like she did in Sly 4). And Miss Decibel’s design doesn’t feature a hideous feathered housecoat in this comic because I couldn’t bear to draw that ugly thing over and over (and also because I think a classier outfit fits her character better)

Also, I just dug the idea of Penelope acting as a life-coach & relationship counselor in order to escape

Me looking at fanart of characters being friends who are also friends in canon: *practically in tears clenching my first over my chest* ouhgg they're so friends

hi i’m still not over penelope bye

Don’t touch da babies.