Jayce: Look. I may not be a saint, but it’s not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw that the owner lived out of state so I just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Viktor: That’s weirdly specific. Are you sure you haven’t-
Jayce: I was just giving an example. No need to look too much into it.
Jayce: *kicks the door down looking panicked*
Viktor: What did you do?
Jayce: Nobody died.
Viktor: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Kara: On the count of three, what’s your favorite cake? One, two, three-
Kara and Nia, in unison: Chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting and chocolate chunks.
Alex: Our turn Lena: One, two, three- vanilla!
Lena, deadpan: I’ve never had cake. What is cake?
Lena: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.
Kara: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have used my one phone call to prank call the police.
Robin: What do you call a fish with no eye?
Nancy, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons.
Robin: …
Robin: Fsh.
Enid: Okay, help me please!
Wednesday: Got two words for you.
Enid: I bet they won’t be helpful.
Wednesday: Your problem.
Enid: I was right.
Jayce: Can I be frank with you guys?
Viktor: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.
Vi: Can I still be Vi?
Caitlyn: Shh, let Frank speak.
Vi: I am going to hell.
Jinx: Probably.
Vi: I’ll pick you up?
Jinx nodding: Carpool.
Viktor: Jayce, you’re testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the DA is worried about how you will present yourself on the stand.
Jayce: Why? I’m fine on the stand?
*flashback to testimony #1*
Jayce: Look, I’ll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand.
Jayce: MAN. DID. CRIME.
*flashback to testimony #2*
Jayce: I’m sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?
Mel, next to the crying defendant: … Crying?
*flashback to testimony #3
Jayce: And when this is over, I’m gonna find you and I’m gonna break all those little fingers.
Mel: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?
Jayce: I’m 10 times funnier and sexier than you.
Viktor: 10 times 0 is still 0 though.
Jayce: Jokes on you I can’t do math.
Lena: So, what’s for dinner?
Kara, staring at the food she just burnt: Regret.