Btw I'm Participating In This Enhypen Collab And I'm Sooooo Excited But I Also Feel Like I'm Gonna Break

TWICE - Mina

TWICE X ONCE DAY Filming 🧁

6 Tips on Writing An Actually Inclusive Reader Insert:

1. Do a ctrl + f search of the colors red and pink. If these colors are being used to describe the reader in any way, delete it.

2. Instead of "blushing", use "goosebumps", "shivers", "avoiding eye contact", etc. It still conveys the same thing, and you can get more creative than just using "blushing" 10,000 times.

3. Don't mention being pale or becoming pale (like, seriously, this is just a given). If you want to talk about the reader looking sick or dying, use "ghastly" or "sunken eyes", etc. Again, this is a great opportunity to be more creative in your language as well as inclusive

4. For body-inclusivity, don't talk about the reader sharing clothes with someone. I personally would not fit into anything that Nancy Wheeler owns, so yeah, let's just not do this

5. Don't mention hair. A lot of us can't just wash our hair and move on with our day. Don't get me started on "running their fingers across their hair". Just refrain from descriptions of styling, washing, and touching the reader's hair.

6. Don't put pictures of pretty, white girls for "aesthetics". It honestly just deters readers, and it's just not inclusive in the slightest

That's it, that's basically all you need to do to be inclusive. I'll admit, as a lighter skin POC writer, some of these did slip my mind when I used to write, but what's important is actually listening to readers and encouraging inclusivity in your writing.

If anyone has any other suggestions, feel free to put your own.

hi im an en-writer and i just wanted to get this out to as many people as possible

reblogs are important but so are feedbacks. sometimes we writers become so anxious when all we see are rbs and likes without a word about how well or even how bad your fic was. i just want to tell all blank/empty/"just for reading" blogs to please please please. if you like a fic, if you like a story, say it. it just breaks my spirit further each time I upload a story and theres no feedback at all, let alone appreciation asks/rbs. if you want to keep reading good stories, you have to let the world know that you want to keep reading good stories. none of us are mind-readers and its even harder on an online platform.

its my sincere request to people to pelase give love and appreciation to all fic writers, not just your "top3" because other writers deserve a chance and deserve happiness too.

i totally agree with you. i hope people read this and absorb some knowledge. though a hobby, it still takes a lot of courage to post stuff on a worldwide available platform

So, this is Mars

About me if you want to know:

I started this blog because I wanted to find a way to improve my writing in some way without it being like a chore or taking a writing course cause i'm too lazy for that :p I wanted to find something that was fun and that i enjoyed cause i didn't want to be stuck doing shit i hate. I want to improve my writing skills cause i'm working on a project that involves a lot of writing but i don't feel super confident about my skills just yet but hopefully, when the summer ends, i'll be better at this so I can finish the project 😤. Anyway this doesn't mean that i'll stop writing fanfic after the summer but i'm probably not going to be as active during the school year. Thank you for the ones. that read this lol

Now facts about me cause i'm bored and i have nothing better to do

- i'm a light sleeper

- picky eater

- i'm 5'9/ 1,75

- i don't know where my gender stands

- i wanna make online friends but i'm too awkward for that

- i'm pansexual lol

- my favourite band is queen, followed by the beatles of course 😌

- chaeryeong is my bias from itzy

- i'm a ravenclaw

- entp babyyyy

- i once saw katy perry live idk why i didn't even like katy perry that much but it was fun

- i take a lot of vitamins cause my eating habits are shit

- i cant be in large crowds cause i get anxiety attacks

- my fav ice cream is vanilla or mintchoco (mintchoco antis OUT)

- the first kpop group i listened to was stray kids

- i feel like my personality could be described as a mix between han and lee know from stray kids

- i reaaally like "the king's affection" it's so good go watch it now

- my highest kin ever ever is kiba inuzuka from naruto but thats probably cause i over analizad him, i'll post that analysis someday

- I play guitar and bass

- started playing bass cause i thought it looked gay (and it does)

- i have social anxiety

- very horrible sleeping habits

- totally in love with bahiyyih 

- it's very easy but at the same time very hard for me to make friends

talk to me whenever you want i'm never busy and imm always open to talk

ok i think that's it i'm boring sorry

“We’ll see about that” Part 2

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Fandom: Enhypen

Member: Jay x reader

Genre: fluff, angst

Reader’s gender: female, she/her pronouns

AU: idol!au (reader is in a rookie girl group, made up names of the other members, Jay is an idol in Enhypen)

Trigger warning: jealous Jay, verbal fights (Reader x Jay, Jay x Sunghoon), cursing, let me know if there’s anything I missed!

Summary: Jay starts to notice that Sunghoon, one of his closest friends, has been getting very friendly with his crush, only problem is that he can’t tell him to back off because they’re not together, plus both groups have a dating ban so it’s not like he can act upon his feelings anyways

Word count: 2,763

A/N: Hello!! Thank you for reading the first part. I really hope you enjoyed it. I know that this part is late but I’m currently with covid and I haven’t been feeling my best but I’m slowly getting better yayy :). Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I know Jin-Ae teases the reader a lot but it’s never serious it’s just how their dynamic is and boundaries have been set beforehand so Jin-Ae knows what and what not to say, reader also teases Jin-Ae but we’re gonna see that later on. Ok that’s it, I hope you like this part!!!

---

“Oh, sorry I just got a little nervous that’s all” you replied looking down at your feet.

Sunghoon chuckled lowly 

“I make you nervous?” he asked with a smug grin planted.

“What?!” you exclaimed, taken aback. “No that’s not what I meant I-” you got cut off.

“No? Then what did you mean by that?” he asked, still with his grin that was starting to annoy you, since when is he so cocky?

I- never mind that now, Wonyoung told me you were looking for me and here I am, now tell me what’s up” you said with an air of confidence that Sunghoon was not expecting after your rambling from a couple sentences ago.

“Uhm sorry” he cleared his throat “I just wanted to congratulate you on your debut and all your stages so far, I’ve been watching them, and you guys really have something” he complimented your hard work, but you were still confused about something.

“Well thank you I really appreciate it but why are you talking to me and not Jin-Ae or everybody?” You asked, curious as to what he was going to say.

“Why Jin-Ae?” he seemed genuinely confused.

“Cause she’s the leader?”

“Oh well it’s just...” he put his hand behind his neck rubbing it nervously, trying to think of a response and you just waited in complete silence. “I just thought- well you stood out to me from the rest of your members, don’t get me wrong, you are all great but there is just something about you that caught my attention and I can’t tell what it is, I mean i can but I won’t tell cause that would be embara-” he was grinning down at the ground with the last sentence but you cut him off before he could finish.

“Sunghoon?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re rambling” and it was your turn to give him a smug smile.

“Eish!” you both started laughing and that’s what finally broke the tension between you two, it was Sunghoon the one that started talking.

“I’m sorry for acting like a douchebag earlier, I just wanted to seem cooler like Jake” he confessed, and you giggled at that. “He carries himself like that, you know?”

“What do you mean? You’re already great, you don’t have to act like Jake to seem cool, no, scratch that, you don’t have to act like anyone but yourself. You are already really appealing, for real. Your personality is amazing, and I personally think it’s what makes you, uhm approachable.” You hesitated at the last sentence because you didn’t quite know what to call him. In reality you wanted to say that his personality was one of the main things that made him attractive but, you thought that maybe, just maybe, it was a little too soon for that yet, you didn’t want to seem too forward but maybe in the future you would find yourself telling everything that, for now, remain unsaid.

“What?! My personality is what makes me approachable? Not my good looks?” he gasped, acting shocked as if you had just told him that he was the most repulsive creature you had ever seen in your lifetime.

“BRO NO I DIDN’T SAY THAT OMG” you shouted at him with a playful laugh. “I’m just saying that you being attractive is intimidating and you’re hard to approach, that’s all” you continued, lifting your hands in surrender.

“Ok you just bro-zoned and called me attractive in the same sentence, you are so confusing, bro” he said with an incredulous smile, with his head looking down at the floor.

You both smiled at each other for a while, for you, it lasted for hours though you knew it had been only a couple minutes. What broke the silence between you two was your phone ringing. You took it out of your pocket to see the caller ID and it was none other than Ava. You, being fluent in English and her being from the USA, you picked up in English, also, you didn’t want Sunghoon to hear your conversation like you had done with his.

“Hello Ava? What’s up?” You asked, curious as to why she was calling you so suddenly.

“Hey y/n, the girls and I were just wondering where you were, we’re all ready and we’re supposed to be leaving in five minutes”

“Oh, I’m still with Sunghoon but I’ll be leaving now, sorry about that” you replied with a sheepish smile even though Ava couldn’t see you from the other side of the big studio where Music Bank was filmed at.

“No don’t worry, I’ll tell everyone that you’re on your way” she said, ready to end the phone call so she could see you as soon as possible to get all the details from your talk with Sunghoon.

“Okay, okay, I’ll see you in a minute, bye” You finalized.

You placed your phone back in your designated pocket which you, years ago, deemed appropriate that your right back pocket of your pants would be the only place you would put your phone away, and if that option wasn’t available because you were wearing a skirt, you would put it in the right front pocket of said skirt, and if that wasn’t an option either then you would put it in whatever pocket you had available at that point.

“Hoon I’m sorry but I have to leave now, my friends are calling me to leave” you said with a tired smile, the fatigue of your long week had just started to kick in.

“Hoon? We’re already on a nickname basis? I’ll take it, I’ll take it, sweetheart” he replied, emphasizing the last word in his sentence.

“Please never call me that again” you said with an evident cringe shown on your face.

“You got it, Princess”

“Sunghoon, I swear-”

“Okay, Okay no more I promise” he said with a very satisfied, smug smile.

"Alright, if you say so. I have to go now Sunghoon, but it was a pleasure meeting. I hope we see each other soon" you said, wearing a polite smile across your face.

"Bye y/n, it was a pleasure for me too" he reciprocated and that's when you bowed so you could make your way towards your friends as soon as possible. When you arrived at the changing rooms, you were immediately quizzed on what Sunghoon wanted. Why did he want to see you?

“So? How did it go with Prince Charming?” Soo Yun questioned you.

“Mmmh, don’t you mean Ice Prince?” Jun corrected Soo Yun. You were grateful that their questions were not being as invasive as you expected them to be, so you made sure to silently thank her, of course, your gratefulness, only lasted a couple of seconds because your one and only leader had to come and ruin the tranquility as always, she assured everyone that it was one of her charming points but you weren’t too sure yourself.

“I bet he confessed his undying love to her and then claimed that they were soulmates meant to be together for eternity.” Jin-Ae teased, all in good fun.

“Yeah, he did actually” you said in a very sarcastic tone but your dear friends were not bright enough to catch it. At this point you didn’t care what your friends were saying because you knew no one was gonna hear them as a result of that you were all alone in the changing rooms, so you just let them have their fun for a while.

“WHAT?!” they all exclaimed in unison. That startled you to say the least.

“Omg guys?! No need to shout, wow” you said, very stunned to say anything more.

“Okay okay but, what do you mean? Did he really confess?” Jun asked, very curious as to what you were going to say.

“Guys It was just sarcasm, of course he didn’t confess his ‘undying love’ for me but, I have to admit that some of the things he said were... suspicious I guess.” You said in lack of a better word.

“Suspicious? Nah you’re gonna have to elaborate on that one, pretty girl” Mi-Sun said, speaking for the first time since you arrived but you had noticed that she had been silently paying attention, huh, your love life may be more interesting than you thought.

“Alright so basically, Sunghoon told me that he wanted to congratulate all of us on our debut and stages blah blah blah, but it was weird at first cause when I walked up to him he was on his phone and I didn’t want to interrupt him so I just waited for him to notice me but that was a bad idea cause he got a call, from Sunoo might I add, and then I really didn’t want to interrupt him so I may or may not have heard literally half of the conversation and the only thing that Sunghoon was talking was about some girl he met that was really pretty apparently? I don’t even know at this point but, anyway, long story short, he noticed me and hung up and said the debut thing, but, AND HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE I PROMISE I’M NOT A DELULU” you were talking very fast, and the last sentence made your friends cackle, laughing at your exasperation rightfully so. “It was weird, as I was saying before, cause like, he was acting all cocky and flirty and we all know he’s too much of an introvert and a shy person at first to just act like that when he’s meeting someone for the first time so I kind of called him out on it very subtly and-”

“Bro you can’t call out someone like that when they’re trying to act cool in front of someone, especially if that someone is someone they may be interested in, that’s a total blow to the ego” Mi-Sun said. “Plus, I don’t blame him for trying to act cool in front of someone as pretty as you,” She added with a reminiscing smirk.

“Okay I get it, but it was throwing me off and after that he started acting like the Sunghoon I had seen before on their videos and everything. After that he told me that he wanted to seem more like Jay and I was sooo confused as to why, so I obviously complimented his personality but then he started getting really playful and, this is the delulu part, I’m not stupid, I know that was his attempt at flirting cause then he called me confusing? if that’s not the confusing part I don’t know what is. Then, no no wait” You stopped Soo-Yun before she talked so you could finish your explanation. “I accidentally called him Hoon and in response he called me SWEETHEART AND PRINCESS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT BUT AN ATTEMPT AT FLIRTING?” you were exasperated at the end of your explanation because you had not had time to really process what had happened with Sunghoon and now that you laid it out, you realized how suspicious Sunghoon had been acting.

“Okay yeah definitely not delulu but maybe he thought you were gonna be ugly and then he saw you and was shocked at you being pretty? I mean that’s what happened to me when I first saw you” Mi-Sun said while she was slouching on the chair she was supposed to be sitting on.

“Or maybe he’s a fan and you’re his bias?” Soo-Yun questioned.

“He doesn’t really seem like a girl group stan though” Jun said with an analyzing face, she was deep in thought.

“No, he looks like he secretly is but the only one that knows is Sunoo” Naoko affirmed. “He looks like he stans ITZY, damn I love ITZY so much I wanna meet them so bad.” And everyone agreed with both sentences because they were both very true.

“Back to the point y/n, I’m sure if you give, whatever this mess is, sometime everything will be solved and sorted out sooner or later, don’t stress too much about this and, might I add, that we all know you prefer Jay anyway.” Jin-Ae said, giving you good advice. One thing that Jin-Ae never fails to be is a good leader, she will always be there to guide you through anything, and you really appreciate everything she has ever done for you so that you would tolerate all the teasing that comes with being friends with her because you would never exchange her for anything.

“Yes, I do, Jay is my bias after all, but he doesn’t even know I exist, ugh that was not even the point but whatever, we’ll just see what happens I guess” you said, ending the discussion. When you all agreed on that, Ava told you that the driver was outside to take you back to the dorms, so you all made your way to the exit. Once you were all outside, you saw Sunghoon wearing a jacket that you had only ever seen before on his twitter posts, waiting for someone, probably his driver, you thought. 

“Oh look, who’s there y/n” Ava pointed out Sunghoon’s presence. “Did you get his number so you can contact him later on?” She asked just to make sure you hadn’t forgotten to do something as important as that.

“Oh, no actually, should I go ask him?” 

“Yes, you dumbass, how are you gonna ask him on a date if you don’t even talk to each other” Naoko said, laughing at your obliviousness.

So, you took Naoko’s advice and walked up to Sunghoon.

“Hey Sunghoon, sorry to bother you on coming onto you like this but I was wondering if I could maybe get your number? It’s ok if you don’t want to though.” you said shyly but very straight forward anyway,

“Yeah, no, yeah, for sure!” He said very excitedly with his eyes wide open and nodding excessively, maybe the effect of one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen asking for his number but regardless, you got taken aback at his eagerness. He shoved his phone into your hand so you could put your number in. While you were typing in the number, Sunghoon got a text notification, and you couldn’t help but read it by accident. The notification was from Jay, you obviously knew who Jay was and you didn’t second guess it either; the text read ‘omw’, on his way? To where? Was he planning on hanging out with Sunghoon? No, it’s none of your business, don’t dwell on it, you’re not going to reach an answer either way so why waste brain cells? You finished typing your number onto Sunghoon’s phone and when you were done you texted yourself so you could save his number as soon as possible so you didn’t have to go through the brief scare you get when a random number texts you. You gave Sunghoon his phone back and told him to save you with whatever name he wanted, at the same time you pulled out your phone from the right back pocket of your jeans to check the text and passed him your phone this time.

“Here” you said, giving him your phone. In return he gave you a puzzled look so you explained further.

“Save yourself in my contacts, choose whatever name you want” You instructed him as a wide grin appeared on his face while realization hit.

“Whatever I want?” he asked again just to make sure he didn´t misheard you.

“Yes, whatever you want”

“Okay” he said with a smile looking down at your phone. You thought those smiles where so cute on him, he looked so happy and shy whenever he smiled like that

You could see how he hesitated ever so slightly before giving an affirming nod and typing whatever name he had come up with as his contact’s name on your phone.

Your phone.

He liked that he has your number, he likes it a lot.

Just when he was about to say something to you, a car pulled up on the street right in front of where you were standing very close to Sunghoon. That made Sunghoon look at the car and his grin fell from his face because it was his ride, if his ride was here that meant that he had to leave and he didn’t want to leave you just yet, but it couldn’t be helped when whoever was on the driver’s seat, lowered his window and looked directly at you two and that’s when you saw him

Jay

Jay Park.

TRENDZ (트렌드지) ‘TNT (Truth&Trust)’ MV

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JAY .:. BLESSED-CURSED @ Inkigayo (220116)

SUNGHOON ✧ BLESSED-CURSED ✧ 220116

Good Boy Gone Bad

Fandom: Enhypen

Member: Jakexoc

Genre: Angst

AU: nonidol!au

Trigger warning: Toxic relationships, heartbroken Jake, alcohol, cigarettes, mentions of drugs, use of curse words, verbal fights. Let me know If I should add anything!

Summary: Jake writes a diary in which he explains his first heartbreak from his first love.

Word count: 5.257

A/N: This is for @emeraldenha​ ‘s unlikely collab! Go check out the other works that have been submitted. This is my first collab ever and I know there’s room for improvement but thank you so much Ri for letting me participate <3

this is my first post after a very long mental health and work/college break, I was recently diagnosed with some conditions so I’ve been coping with that but hopefully my updating schedule get more consistent from now on!

Hi, my name is Jake Sim, I am currently twenty-two years old and today I’ll tell you about my first love at eighteen 

It all started that morning during math class, I had already seen her a million times before. Her beauty was something straight out of a fairy tale, even if some things didn’t exactly fit the “I just stepped into a magic closet and now I have to save the world” aesthetic. I had never heard or read of a princess that had prominent dark circles under her eyes adorned with clumps of mascara. I had never seen a princess that used vulgar language like her. I had never heard of a princess that reeked of cigarettes and cheap perfume, but I got used to it.

I got used to the curse words that she uttered in every single sentence. I got used to her friends being all over her. I got used to hearing her nightly adventures that took place almost everyday of the week. But I also got used to her giggles every time her best friend Jiung said anything. I got used to the way she smiles at the small doodles she scribbles on Sunghoon’s arm when he’s in the mood. I got used to hearing her talk to her friends about her struggles, she was human after all.

Maybe this all sounds cliché to you but it doesn’t to me, well, it didn’t. I really thought she was the one destined for me. I thought I could change her, she just needed a little guidance. I thought all of the rumors I heard about her were fake and were only made up by people that were jealous of her undeniable beauty, but I guess not. They were right.

“Sim! Eyes up!” My coach shouted at me onces I missed the ball for the fifth time in the game. It was just a practice game but apparently it was still too important for my coach. I should have remembered this phrase when I started falling for her, fuck, how could I?

“Hey, everything alright?” It was Riki, he’s a year below me but we get along well, he’s a good guy. 

“Huh? Oh yeah, all good. I’ve just been thinking about a Spanish assignment I have to finish, that's all.” At the time that was partly true, I had just barely started to realize that my more than normal fixation with that girl was not quite normal. 

“Ahh, well I’m sure you’ll do alright. There’s this girl in my class that’s a native Spanish speaker and we’re sort of close, I can ask her to help you if you’d like.” She’s a native Spanish speaker too.

“You know what? That would be great, you have my number if you have to reach out to me.” The coach blew his whistle to let us know that practice was over. “Thank you, man. I appreciate you.” And just like that, we parted ways to go home.

I should’ve told him I didn’t need the help, I could have avoided the trouble that came after but to be honest, as top of the class, class president, tutor and captain of the football team I was collapsing with so many duties and I have to admit, Spanish is not my forte. 

The next day Riki came up to me and told me that the girl he talked to me about was willing to help, he told me her name Lucía, and gave me her number saying that she wanted to talk to me, that I should reach out to her. And so I did, she replied shortly after and told me we should meet up after school in the café a couple blocks away. 

I had never heard of someone named Lucía at school so I was pretty nervous to meet her, I didn't really know what to expect. I spent the entire day thinking about my introduction and what I was gonna ask her when we met. I was so immersed in my own thoughts that I did not realize all the stares I was receiving, never noticed them to be honest.

“Man, why?”  My closest friend back then, Jay, asked me. He ripped right out of my thoughts.

“Huh?” I mumbled, utterly confused as to what he was talking about.

“What do you mean huh? Why did you do that?” He asked me again. I now had a feeling that I had fucked up in some way, shape or form. 

“Bro, I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about” I explain now urging him to tell me what was wrong.

“You really don’t know? Ok I’ll explain then. So basically you were walking down the halls when Victoria, you know her, called your name like fifty times and even put herself in front of you to get your attention and you just blatantly ignored her. You know what they say about her, you can’t really mess with her, man.” Jay explained and suddenly all the stares I got throughout the day made total sense. 

“Wait, Victoria? From our class?” I asked even though I already knew what Victoria he was talking about with the last comment he made. 

“The only Victoria from our class Jake, the one that looks like she doesn’t shower. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t though, she smells like a fucking drug addict.” Jay ranted.

“Don’t say that dude, you don’t know her. Who knows? Maybe she’s in a bad situation, don’t just assume things like that without knowing that person.” I defended Victoria, after all she’s the girl I’ve been talking about, she’s the reason I fell in love for the first time and had my first heartbreak. She’s the reason I’m writing this. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. She just gets on my nerves sometimes.” Jay admitted. “But why did you ignore her?” He asked again.

“Oh yeah, I didn’t notice her honestly. I was too busy thinking about someone I’m meeting today. Her name is Lucía and she’s gonna help me with my Spanish assignment. Do you know her?” I asked Jay out of curiosity.

“Lucía? Doesn’t ring a bell to be honest, how is she? Physically I mean” He replied.

“No clue, I’ve never met her. Riki asked her to help me ‘cause she’s a native speaker and she agreed.” I stated.

“Oh, well update me on that and good luck on that assignment. To this day I’m infinitely thankful I took French instead of spanish.” He laughed softly. I can really see why everyone has a crush on him, he’s really attractive.

After that we parted ways and I started thinking about the whole Victoria situation. How did I not notice? Was this study session causing me that much anxiety? I had taken my meds that day though, It shouldn’t have been that bad. I’m sure Lucía isn’t bad, not if she had agreed to help a stranger, me, out. 

I made my way to the café and when I finally entered I realized one crucial detail. 

I had no idea what she looked like.

What was I supposed to do? Should I call her? Text her? Stalk her socials and see if i can find a picture of her? I started to think of all these different scenarios and for some unknown reason I decided that the last option was the best, damn I was so stupid.

I typed her name on the Instagram search bar, ‘lucia’ and I clicked on the first profile that popped up, I knew it was her ‘cause of the mutuals we had and she had ‘belift highschool’ written on her bio. Luckily she was not private and so I clicked on her last posted picture, she looked so put together and clean. She had this preppy vibe to her to the point one would just assume she’s smart. A little further down her profile she had a couple of pictures with her friends and I recognized a guy named Sunoo there. I just knew he was a part of the school choir and participated in the singing competitions the school organized every year and he was a great singer. 

Lucía looked really familiar, I may have seen her roaming around the school before and I just didn’t notice. One thing that was consistent throughout her profile is that she has a cold aura to her, I can’t explain it but she just didn’t seem overly friendly and that worried me, just a tiny bit.

After I had taken in her face, I looked around a bit more to see if she was there and upon further inspection I concluded that she hadn’t arrived just yet and so I sent her a text telling her that I was already there and that I would wait for her on a table at the back next to the window, she immediately replied with a simple ‘omw.’

And so I waited for about five minutes setting the things I would need for the essay up until I heard the bell of the entrance ring, I looked up and I saw her in all her perfect glory. She was wearing a lavender sweater vest paired with a matching plaid skirt. Her hair was perfectly pin straight and she had hair clips clipping her hair away from her eyes in an elegant and effortless way. she really did live up to her Instagram theme.

She scanned the room for a bit before her eyes landed on me. She gave me a quick up and down and started walking towards me.

“Hi, I’m Lucía, nice to meet you.” She greeted me.

“Hey, I’m Jake, nice to meet you too. Thank you for being willing to help me out.” I greeted her back and thanked her for her kindness.

“No need to thank me.” She said as she sat down on the opposite side of the table. “What do you need help with? What’s the essay about?” She asked me.

“I have to write a fantasy story but I’ve been having a lot of trouble with grammar. It also has to have some specific things that Mr. Fernández told us, I wrote them down.” I explained.

“Oh, I thought it was going to be harder than that, I think we can finish today and don’t worry about the grammar, I’ll help you with it.” She said with that cold tone even if what she was saying was nice.

We spent two hours working on my assignment, the story had to be at least 5.000 words long so, of course we didn’t finish it but we were pretty proud of what we came up with before she had to leave. Her sister had called her ten minutes before letting her know she was on her way to go pick her up, I couldn’t exactly make out what they were saying considering that they were speaking Spanish and had an accent that Mr. Fernández didn’t share, looking back I now realized that they’re probably from different countries and I was too dumb to think about that. 

When Lucía told me she was leaving soon, she helped me pack my things up and agreed to meet up the next day. Lucía wasn’t as cold as she came across at first, she just had to warm up to you in order for her to show her true personality, she was still as eloquent, elegant and put together as always tho, just laughed a little more carelessly. 

Her sister texted her and let her know that she was parked right outside and sure enough, she was. I walked her outside to make sure she got into her sister’s car safely when I saw a familiar side profile on the passenger seat, that perfect nose was unmistakable

Park Sunghoon.

What was he doing there? He was probably friends with Lucía’s sister but I couldn’t recognize her. She was wearing a cap paired with the darkest sunglasses I had ever seen and before I could take a closer look, Lucía had already closed the car door and the unknown sister roared the engines from her gorgeous car back to life and the last thing I saw was Lucía’s and Sunghoon’s arms waving goodbye as the car drove down the streets. 

Huh.

***

This was my routine for almost a week until Lucía texted me and told me that she couldn’t make it to the café for whatever reason and politely asked me if I was comfortable enough to just go to her house instead. I had absolutely no reason to decline the offer so after school, I waited for her outside school and once together, we made our way to her house making small talk on our way there.

I expected her to live in a similar situation as mine, by that I mean a comfortable household where they didn’t exactly need anything but would appreciate it if they won the lottery some random day. That kind of family where both parents would work full-time jobs, arriving home at 6pm wishing they didn’t have work in something like finances or banking and had instead chased their dreams of acting or singing, or maybe even becoming well renowned painters. 

I was wrong.

I was oh so very wrong.

She lived in a mansion

A FUCKING MANSION FOR FUCKS SAKE OH MY. I did not expect her to be…rich, I mean she looked the part but I was always taught to not assume things about someone based on appearance but shit. The house was gorgeous, it was minimalistic but it didn’t seem dead, you could tell a happy family lived here or at least that’s what it seemed like. 

After my short paralyzation, Lucía took me upstairs to her bedroom. We passed many rooms on our way there and I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to go back on my own. It was like a maze and it may have been my imagination but she mentioned at least six bathrooms and about ten bedrooms. When we reached hers I noticed that it looked as clean and pristine as she did but it did have small decorations hinting at what she liked, I’m pretty sure I saw a Gojo figurine on a shelf. She had two candy wrappers on her bedside table and one half-empty glass of water. 

“You should do that too, you know?” She said out of the blue after catching me looking all over her room. 

“Do what?” I questioned.

“Keep a glass of water on your bedside table throughout the night, it’s supposed to absorb demons and bad entities, you have to flush it in the morning after you wake up though, I’ll do that now, be right back.” She cleared up as if it was the most normal thing in the world to have some cold demon tea every morning waiting for you. She didn’t seem like the superstitious type but then again, don’t judge a book by its cover.

After she came back with the now demon-less cup, she placed it on her nightstand and made her way to where I was sitting on her desk. She took a stool from somewhere in her room to take a seat and just like that we continued with the writing in hopes of finishing that very same day. We worked hard and long, when I thought my creativity was running low, Lucía came in clutch and suggested great ideas for the story and before we knew it, we were done.

“Where do you get all these ideas?” I asked, genuinely curious. I wanted to know.

“I used to read a lot before and my sister writes as a hobby. Sometimes when she’s in a slump she asks for help and we work it out together. It helps both of us honestly. I used to only value book-smart people but after understanding what it takes to be a creative person I now know that it takes just as much effort to come up with a good story or piece of art as to solve an equation. It just takes different skills and not everyone is gifted with them, some people, like me for example, think maths is the easiest subject at school but I’ve failed history twice. My sister is the complete opposite, she aces every history test she has ever done, same with english, but you give her one biology textbook and she crumbles. I think it’s important to acknowledge those types of differences for us to find something we’re good at and something that we like as well. Wow, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ramble on like that. You should’ve stopped me Jake.”  Well that was a speech! but it was nice to hear her be so passionate about something like that for once, never thought she would open up to me like that ever. From this I can only assume her sister was criticized for this, I can only imagine how that impacted her and Lucía.

“Don’t even worry about it. You two must be pretty close then.” I calmed her nerves and pointed out hoping I hadn’t crossed any boundaries especially knowing we weren’t exactly close.

“Yeah, we are. We used to be closer before though, we’re still close don’t get me wrong but, she’s kind of letting herself go at this point. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable.” She explained her sister’s situation.

“It’s okay, I’m here to listen. I do have one question though, who’s your sister?” I asked out of pure curiosity.

Lucía opened her mouth to say her sister’s name. Just as she produced one single vibration on her bottom lip with her top teeth the door burst open and in came the smell of that cheap perfume I'm a bit too familiar with and the one and only, my future heartbreaker and my past lover.

Victoria.

Fucking Victoria,I should have guessed as soon as I saw that one Gorillaz shirt I saw her wear yesterday peeking out of the door from one of the many rooms we passed. I should have guessed when I saw the bunny eras she wore once on her Instagram hanging from Lucía’s door. How didn’t I?

“Sim? Hi. Lucía, you know what mom says about boys or girls in the bedroom. Keep the door open please, I don’t wanna deal with her temper tantrums again. Also, why is the teacher’s pet here?” She acknowledged me first but she wasn’t… rude? I always expected her to be mean or something, for now she only seemed a bit cold but not as much as her sister.

The sisters engaged in conversation, Lucía answering all her questions and assuring she wouldn’t have to deal with their mom. They fell into a nice chit-chat about their day speaking in Spanglish, them making that silent agreement so that I wouldn’t assume they were speaking ill of me in a different language. 

“Sim, don’t ignore me like you did today again please, I was pretty embarrassed and I just wanted help with the physics homework. Do you think you can help me out? Don’t worry if you can’t.” She admitted, she seemed so genuine and she may have been but I’m pretty sure this was the last truth she ever told me.

“Yeah! Yeah sure, I’ll help you out.” I replied a little too enthusiastically for my liking and I’m pretty sure it didn’t go unnoticed by the two sisters. Now that I think about it and see them standing close to each other, they look really similar. They did have differences though, Victoria’s nose was slightly more up-turned that Lucía’s but it lacked the ‘button’ effect that Lucías nose had. Lucía’s dark circles under her eyes were not nearly as dark and prominent as Victoria’s and she had ‘cleaner’ makeup than her. Victoria’s eyes were slightly lighter too but the redness of them made this go unnoticed. 

I said goodbye to Lucía, thanking her for putting up with me and helping me out that week and I made sure to make a mental note to give her something in return. When Victoria and I made our way to her room, a loud silence fell upon us but Victoria made sure to quickly turn it down by talking about what exactly she was struggling with. We arrived at her room and she quickly got her things out, I never would have imagined she worried about having decent grades. As she got her things ready, I looked around her room and saw that it was much more decorated than Lucías room and it wasn’t subtle or minimalistic at all, it was also definitely messier than Lucías too. Her walls were covered with posters ranging from band posters to animation one, some even being Playboy magazine covers. They were very different.

She sat down on her bed and invited me to do the same and I immediately realized that her notebooks weren’t color-coordinated, some even being the same color. The edges of the pages being folded over each other by how carelessly they were treated but Victoria didn’t seem to mind. All her notes were taken with the same blue colored pen. no highlighter, no pretty lettering, no clean handwriting and no decorations. 

When I finished with my analysis of her, I fell into my tutor act and started hearing her out and helping her to the best of my abilities. Mid-way through our study session she asked me if I wanted to smoke, I declined of course, I didn’t smoke back then and just the mere thought of how dark and dirty someone’s lungs could get scared me shitless. Just as abruptly as we started, we were done. She was a fast learner and was willing to do her part of the work just fine. 

Getting to know this nice side of her made me realize that maybe, being friends wouldn’t be that bad, of course I was wrong but how did you expect 18 year-old Jake to know that? I was just an innocent kid.

We agreed that I would tutor her every week for some money in exchange, she persisted in paying me even after I reassured her it was fine.

As you can imagine, we continued to meet up. We started talking at school and honestly, it was all fine, it was all great even. Victoria introduced me to her group of friends Sunghoon and Jiung, who I mentioned before, Jongseob, Yeonjun, Ryujin, Yuna, Karina and Chaeryeong, there were probably more but those are who I remember the most, some were even younger than me. They all had the same vibe to them but I knew most, if not all, of them were heavily involved with music. When I was friends with them I got to hear a couple of their songs and they were pretty good, even if we’re not close anymore I hope someday they’ll make it into the industry, they were nice to me. 

We started meeting up after school, I started to fall back in all my schoolwork and my parents started to worry. They talked to me and told me that they were there for me if I ever needed their support, that made me so fucking sad, I was dissapointed at myself for worrying my parents but… I didn’t stop.

I started drinking with Victoria, just the two of us but she made me feel safe. I knew I wasn’t at risk if I got drunk with her by my side, she promised to take care of me and she did, for a while at least. After I got used to drinking she convinced me to try smoking, I have no idea how she did that, she’s just so charming and persuasive, she was so dangerous but I never listened to my own body. My body was telling me to stop, all this was getting too much. I developed some very ugly coughing that lasted for a while. My parents insisted on getting me checked but I tried my best at lying to them and telling them it was just allergies and that the coughing would eventually fade. My coughs drew blood from my throat more times than I cared to admit but I did it for her.

I didn’t want her to leave me because I didn’t drink, because I was boring or because I asked her not to smoke when I was around. I don’t know why I stayed. You know what? Scratch that, I do. I was madly madly in love with this girl, so much so that I compromised my future for her, I sacrificed my health for her. I let myself go and for what? We weren’t even together. She didn’t even like me like that. 

I was tired of waiting for her to hint at me that she liked me back or at least reciprocated the tiniest bit of my neverending unconditional love for her. I was sick and tired of waiting. I was sick of seeing her flirt with everyone at the party but me. I was tired of seeing her all lovey-dovey with Chaeryeong, for fucks sake she probably had more feelings for her than for me but I was too blinded by what I had seen before to see that. 

This reminds me of a conversation I had with Jay when he noticed I was slipping.

“Dude, you gotta open your eyes. Look around! What good does Victoria bring you? And don’t give me some bullshit excuse, not again.” He reproached me as a good and worried best friend. That’s the thing I regret the most, taking Jay for granted.

“She brings me happiness Jay! I love her, I truly do and it’s not my fault you don’t understand that.” I shouted back much more aggressively than him but I was getting tired of this, of all of this. 

“She’s using you.”

“She’s not.” I corrected.

“She is! Everyone knows she likes that bimbo from class H.” 

“She doesn’t Jay! Why can’t you understand? I’ve never seen them interact before in my life and even if they had, what Victoria and I have is mutual.” I kept lying to myself, I knew damn well Jay saw them together all the time, they did have French together after all. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what bimbo out of all the ones I knew he was talking about. 

“Jake please, I don’t want you getting hurt.” Jay pleaded with me, he was desperate for his friend. He didn’t want me getting hurt but I just saw this as a selfish action. I thought he was just jealous of me, how could I be so blind?

“You haven’t seen what I’ve seen.” I croaked out, my voice shaky at this point and my throat raw from the screaming and back and forth arguing.

“AND YOU DON’T FUCKING SEE WHAT I SEE JAKE! LOOK IN THE MIRROR, LOOK AT YOUR TEACHER, LOOK AT YOU FUCKING PARENTS FOR FUCKS SAKE. I’VE BEEN TRYING TO GET SOME SENSE THROUGH YOUR THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS BUT YOU JUST WON'T LISTEN!” He fell silent. “Please, please Jake. Get out of there.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, It’s not my problem no one wants to be with you. It’s not my problem you’re jealous of me. It’s not my problem that no one fucking likes you. Fuck you Jay.” I could barely get these words out. I knew what I was saying was the worst thing he ever heard from me. I hurt my best friend and not slightly, I carved into his beating heart and brain that no one loves him. It was as If his eyes held his heart at that very moment, I swear I saw his heart break through his eyes and I saw the tears build up on them before my own vision became too blurry to even distinguish the doorframe. 

Even after this, I continued seein Victoria and I could proudly say we were in an official exclusive couple. I was happy. The girl that I devoted my entire being to accepted my love confession and agreed to be with me but that feeling very deep in my heart didn't let me be happy. I knew it was wrong and that I hurt people in the way but I had spent so much time on her that I couldn’t bring myself to turn back, not then. 

As I’m sure it won’t surprise you, I found out she was only with me because she felt terribly sorry about me, how did she fucking dare? I gave her everything. She somehow found out about my fight with Jay and she felt pity toward me. While she was with me, she continued to date around. The only thing is she was extra careful that I wouldn’t find out and it worked, she successfully cheated on me with multiple people for two years. She didn’t see our relationship as a romantic one, she saw it as some type of charity work as if she was helping me out in some way. I gave her my all. She was my first everything, if I ever tried something for the first time, it would be because of her, hell she even got me to try Mary Jane once. I hate her for it, I really do. She took advantage of me in so many ways and she jsut acted all stupid and oblivious about it. She broke me but didn’t even bother to but my pieces close to each other, she left me broken all over the floor, stepping over me and on me whenever she could.

I wished she had just stayed as a hallway crush. I wish Riki had never asked me what was wrong. I wish I had never gone to Lucías house. I really fucking wish I had never said those things to Jay. I wish I had told my parents the truth and I really wish I had a genie to grant all these wishes.

Some years have passed but the heartbreak and regret remain. Amazingly, my grades were good enough for the college I wanted and the first day of classes I saw Jay. I explained everything you just read and apologized profusely, I still apologize to this day but we are closer than ever. Riki told me Lucía went back to her native country, Chile, he told me she missed it there but he also told me Victoria got into some big trouble for messing with something… I can’t say what it was though. I’m pretty sure Jiung and Jongseob are pursuing careers in music. 

I will never forget Victoria in the worst way possible. I hate her with all my heart and I will always always resent her for too many things. I know a lot of the responsibility is on me but still, spare me some slack, I was eighteen and I had never had any female contact in my life. I’m happy I can somewhat joke about it now. It still hurts but I have to move on and that’s what I’m working on right now. 

Well, that was the story, a bit boring if you ask me but it’s my life. I would have added a star wars and harry potter crossover but apparently that is “not credible” and “stupid” acording to some Park Jongseong.

I always thought I would fall in love with someone like me, a stereotypical “good person”, responsible, sporty, preppy, smart, clean, put together, basically Lucía. All the girls I had ever been interested in before were like her, granted, I was never in love before but the possiblity of me being attracted to the complete opposite of me seemed very unlikely. 

Of course the universe had to prove me wrong.

Sincerely,

Sim Jaeyun.