Justateenworkinglifeout - Just A Teen Trying To Figure Out Life

Introduction Post

Hi! I'm Iris, I go by she/her pronouns.

I pretty much just created this blog for myself. It's a sort of 'scream out into the void and see if the void screams back' type thing.

From what I've been posting as of now, you can mostly just expect to see text posts about my perspective on life and my experiences, along with the occasional little piece of art or a fandom/meme reblog.

This is all just a sort of creative outlet, so I might be mentioning some heavy stuff about my life (gripes about the Healthcare system, my experiences with emotional abuse, general thoughts about the state of the world, that sort of stuff) so if you don't want to read that, this probably isn't the page for you.

My general interests include the Riordanverse and musical theatre, and that's basically it.

I feel the need to add something else to wrap up the post but I can't think of anything so I'm writing this filler so I can come back and edit when I think of a good ending (This might just be here forever)

fanfiction truly being the savior for everyones sanity

*getting on an empty bus and sitting down in a seat at the front of the bus (reserved for disabled people) because my legs hurt and the other seats are harder to get in/out of*

Me: I feel so bad for using this seat, it's supposed to be for disabled people and I'm just hogging it so nobody else can use it who might need it.

...

Me: wait a second... I am disabled...

Confessions from an emotional abuse victim:

#5 Kind Gestures

After spending so much time with either the absence of kindness from others, or with kindness always being conditional, you tend to forget the feeling of having someone truly care about you and be kind to you.

Depending on the situation, my brain will go into one of two modes when being showed kindness. I will either immediately become paranoid and worry about what I will need to do to repay it, or just completely short circuit and become confused.

The urge to repay tends to come when it's someone I don't know very well being kind, or when I'm given compliments. I start to wonder how I'm supposed to make the miniscule amount of energy that they need to use to be nice worth it for them.

When I react with confusion, it's usually either with someone who I know well or it's a really big gesture that means a lot. After being treated horribly for so long and having my sense of self-worth chipped away at, I sometimes have trouble comprehending why someone believes I am worth caring about and going out of their way to be nice to me.

Most of the time for them it's just something casual and simple, that they just feel is good to do, but for me it's a whole new healing experience every time. Getting past my initial confusion is hard, but it's worth it because once I can accept it, it opens an amazing point of view and helps me truly understand the fact that I am worth caring about (which is something people tell me and I try to tell myself, but is still hard to fully grasp)

The kindness of all these new friends I've met since I started high school is one of the biggest things I have to thank for aiding my recovery. Whether they've helped me through hard moments, or have just been a good friend to talk to and hang out with, these people and their kind gestures mean so much to me.

@my-girl-boyfriend

Ebony Dark’ness, you will always be famous to me

lord the peasants are so loud today

The oddity of a theatre kid's notebook while she is trying to memorize lines on a time crunch