Going over a year without suicidal thoughts brings a lot of awakenings. I am lovable, people can like me, although now I guess I have to plan for the future I never thought I could make it to. 13 year old me never gave a thought into high school classes, but now I'm being told to start thinking about what I want to do for college... It's so crazy to think that I've made it farther than I ever thought I would. And there's still more to look forward to. If you told 13 year old me that she makes it past 15, she'd probably break down at the thought of having to live that long. What she wouldn't think about is all the good things that have happened since.
I remember leaving my middle school for the last time, the best feeling ever. I remember going to summer camp. I remember going to my high school orientation and feeling hopeful for once. I remember the crash soon into the school year, yes, but I also remember how that led to the first moment of me feeling fully loved and accepted by my peers. I remember being comforted through a panic attack in the hallway at the Halloween dance. I remember my first audition at this school, I remember when I didn't get in. I remember trying again the next time and seeing my name on the cast email. I remember getting to be closer to all the people I had been admiring from afar all year. I remember all the fun outings, and the sleepovers, and the silly conversations that I get to have every morning. If 13 year old me knew I grew up, she'd think I'm still miserable. But now, even through the hardest times, I am loved and cared for.
Keep living yall. Things can work out.
Being like. Post-suicidal is so strange. Like hiiiii everybody im new I spent a good chunk of my life languishing and have like 3 or 4 lived experiences. But now I'm ready to fuck and party or whatever. Can we be friends. Im so happy to be here. Can we be friends
This might be a day late, but hear me out… [The concept of WOMEN]
— the battle of the labyrinth (pjo) // love in paradise (epic)
Will Solace calling Octavian an anemic loser as if his boyfriend hasn’t like 50 undiagnosed conditions
I was out this this cute girl and I think we were really hitting it off, then she asked what kind of comics I make. I told her, and then as she looked at them on her phone, recognition came over her face.
Her: "oh...OH MY GOD... ARE YOU THE BIKE CUCK GUY???"
Me: "Y-yeah..."
Her: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
Her: "WAIT, HOLD ON, I GOTTA SHOW MY FRIENDS THIS."
She asked the people at the table behind us if she could borrow one of their phones for a second to pull up something on the browser. Then she held their phone somewhat in front of hers and took a photo of me along with it.
I never asked for the photo so here is my approximate recreation of what I think it looked like:
She was busy texting seemingly all of her friends as we finished our meals and stood up, when I decided to pipe up again.
Me: "Um, y-you know wh-what would make the happiness in the world increase..."
She looked up from her phone with a sly smile.
Her: "What?"
Me: "I-if...if we k-- um, kissed..."
Her amused smile slowly descended into an absolutely indiscernible neutral expression.
then, after a pause
it rose again into a smile
Her: "You... are so cute. Close your eyes. I have a surprise for you."
I closed my eyes tight, and gently puckered my lips, bracing for a kiss.
Then she slapped my ass so hard that there is still a palm print on it.
(But seriously, if I make it through high school, I don't think any college will want me with the grades I have)
I guess it wasn't as shitty as I thought. I got a 100% and the teacher emailed my parents to tell them she was impressed...
That wouldn't have happened if I used AI though, would it?
Did I have to rush my essay? Yes. Did I turn it in 10 minutes before midnight when it was due? Yes. Did I proofread it? No. Did I probably fuck it up at least a bit? Yeah. Did I get a good grade? We'll see.
But at least I didn't use AI. I wrote a good, genuine, shitty essay, instead of getting a program to write a shitty essay for me that would probably be easily flagged as AI.
I have absolutely no idea what this blog will hold. random thoughts? art? stories? probably just whatever comes to mind. you can call me Iris. she/her
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