*shut The Hell Up

You know, at this point in my life I have heard about plastic surgery, seen before and after pictures, watched it be talked about on TV shows

However

I do not actually know how it works, and at this point I am too afraid to ask

Me and some coworkers one day, talking about getting maimed and amputated on the job: hey you know that scene in Pirates of the Caribbean when Barbosa detaches his prosthetic leg to drink out of

Us: haha that would be cool, we could have a peg leg like that too!

One of the guys: wait, keg leg!

Everyone: OMG KEG LEG

like the return of the r slur and horrible fatphobia and gay jokes and the misogyny oh my fucking god can we talk about the misogyny. we have culturally regressed to the eary 2010s but when you try to call people out they’re liek ohhh it’s just a joke 😂. i’m sorry but i don’t want to hear jokes about pedophilia or about rape or about racism that is not funny and it never will be. everything is ironic and if you get offended it’s cuz you’re a crazy femnazi who cares too much. because it’s apparently uncool to take anything serious or do anything with actual sincerity anymore

everyone knows the real reason Orpheus turned around was cos he heard some dramatic ass king of ithaca belting about how “all he hears are screams” and he had to check with Eurydice to see if they heard the same thing

That feeling when you get to talk to that one person who never fails to make you smile and improve your whole week

I was listening to If It's True from Hadestown earlier, and let me just say

It sounds very relevant to the current times...

There is literally no difference between onion article headlines and those of real news reports anymore

WE ARE NOT DOING THE RESURGENCE OF MASK-OFF ACEPHOBIA. I KNOW IT NEVER TRULY WENT AWAY BUT WE ARE NOT POPULARIZING HATING ON ACES. NO, NOT EVEN THOSE ONES. NONE OF THEM. WE ARE NOT DOING ACEPHOBIA AGAIN.

I don't understand

In my head, I want to call everyone "babe" and "dear" and "love" and I want to be so kind

But whenever I speak it's just sass and sarcasm