Heh.... I Guess You Can Say.... I'm From.... The Kingdom Of Berurei 🙂‍↕️🤫

Going to the cinema to see Titan on Attacks or something like that. I can't wait for those 30 seconds during which Bertholdt will be on the screen 🔥🔥🔥🔥

happy days <3

I just realized Bert would ace the umbrella dalgona from Squid Games. Dunno about being under pressure

He's tired and he only wants his girl to comfort him

(a grumpy nerd from this post )

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playlist #2: reiner braun ⋆˙⟡

🧸 i don’t smoke – mitski

🧸 jesus christ – brand new

🧸 heaven knows i’m miserable now – the smiths

🧸 step on me – the cardigans

🧸 creep – radiohead

🧸 boys don’t cry – the cure

🧸 serve the servants – nirvana

🧸 king park – la dispute

🧸 black – pearl jam

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How the 104th cadet corps babysits

(Plus bonus Pieck and Porco)

Eren: Comes about 10 minutes late but says the parents can take $10 off to make up for it. Gets the kids to watch Transformers while he talks to Mikasa on the phone for an hour and a half, but keeps the kids in the corner of his eye so they don’t run off. Orders buffalo ranch pizza. When the kids show him a TikTok of someone shotgunning a beer, he scolds them before showing them how to do it themselves with cans of soda and telling them to not tell anyone he did that. Charges $40 (originally $50).

Mikasa: Brings 3-4 balls of yarn and teaches the kids how to knit while she puts on Pride and Prejudice. One of the kids takes a ball of yarn and starts pretending they’re a cat so she goes along with it and they all start playing kitties and puppies. Somehow she manages to get all of the kids in bed right before the parents come home and lets them keep the “knitted scarves” they made as a little gift. Charges $150 but it’s worth it to have the kids tuckered out and nothing messed up.

Armin: Brings some books to read to the kids. They range from Dr. Seuss to the Great Illustrated Classics version of HG Wells’ The Time Machine. LOVES answering questions with questions because he wants the kids to learn critical thinking at a young age but doesn’t want to bore them. Plays baby sensory videos or How it’s Made to get the kids to fall asleep when they refuse to go to bed. Charges $60

Annie: Doesn’t jump at the idea of babysitting but agrees to when the parents offer $50 AND a gift card to Target (she just ran out of face wash). Only babysits older kids and sits on her phone most of the time, but still makes sure they get their homework done before they can do their thing. Gives “relationship advice” (“all boys are terrible. I’m just dating Armin because he was lucky enough to be an exception”). Yells at the kids to go to bed and they do because she’s scary when she yells.

Reiner: The kids are obsessed with how strong he is and beg him to power lift him like they’re dumbbells and he absolutely LIVES for it. Plays Assassins Creed and Mario Kart and helps the kids beat a tough level in Portal 2. Has a food fight with popcorn but after making sure they’re all in bed he goes down to vacuum it back up and make sure the basement is reasonably clean. Charges $60.

Bertoldt: Absolutely CRACKED at Fortnite and Call of Duty and will destroy opponents that underestimate him because of his score. Does bad karaoke of Michael Bolton love ballads so the kids can make fun of him. Shows them all sorts of cheesy 80’s music so they can surprise their parents with songs they listened to as kids/teenagers. Charges $100 because he brought his own karaoke machine.

Marco: HUGE Marvel fan and gets into a long-winded discussion about comics and the MCU vs DC with the kids. Does a whole Marathon of the Sam Raimi Spiderman trilogy (his favorites), then tells the kids all about the meaning of who Spiderman is and how the biggest appeal of the character is that “anyone can wear the mask and anyone can be an everyday hero just like Peter Parker and Miles Morales”. Tries to refuse pay but the parents insist on giving him $150 because the kids love him so much.

Historia: Brings a whole tea party set and raids the kids closets to do a princess and knights fashion show. Does nails (outside or in the garage so nail polish doesn’t get on the carpet) and tells the little girl(s) that they can be knights and the little boy(s) that they can be the princes to be saved if that’s what they want. Talks all about how Ymir is her knight in shining armor. Charges $100.

Ymir: Does not like kids. Does not want kids. Was tricked into babysitting but once she realized she was alone with them, she freaks out and called Historia to come over and help her. Steals a couple white claws from the fridge in the garage and hopes the parents don’t notice. When Historia finally comes, she lets her take over and sits on the couch scrolling on TikTok. Tells the parents the kids were good, takes $20, and never babysits again.

Sasha: Brought a kid-friendly cookbook and makes the kids a big fishbowl to drink out of while watching Ratatouille (it’s filled with sprite, blue Gatorade, and Swedish fish). She bakes cookies while they watch and secretly eats a ton of cookie dough before the kids even know there’s extra. Gets the kids to sing the clean-up song after dinner and basically tricks them into getting the kitchen in perfect order before the parents come home.

Connie: BY FAR the best babysitter for rowdy and stubborn kids. He has little siblings so he knows all the ins and outs of dealing with babies, toddlers, and preteens. Lets the kids do just enough stuff they’re “not allowed to do” so they feel like he’s the cool babysitter, but also flawlessly tricks them into doing their nighttime routine to a T in record time. Charges $200 for the night but it’s worth every penny to come home and they’re all in bed sound asleep, freshly bathed with their teeth brushed, and dinner finished with a spotless kitchen.

Jean: Brings a whole backpack full of cheap art supplies and construction paper for the kids to play with to stay occupied, but he gets carried away and starts “critiquing” their work in a posh accent as if he were an upscale art curator (it’s literally fingerpaint). Lets the kids ride on his back like a horse (duh) and pretends he’s a giant so they can attack him with toy swords. Absolutely LOVES when one of the kids has a crush on him and hides it poorly because he thinks it’s adorable. Charges $60 for the art supplies and gas, nothing for his time.

Pieck: THE cool big sister every kid wants. Crawls around on all fours and lets the kids ride on her back as well (obviously). Lets the kids swim in the pool at night and plays mermaids with them until the parents come home, then helps the parents get the kids to bed. Charges $75 for the night and offers to help for the kids’ class pool party (she just likes playing mermaids and wants free access to a pool)

Porco: 15 minutes late but it’s because he stopped at dollar general to get each kid’s favorite snack. Takes the kids to see the Minecraft movie (sneaking the snacks in) and then they spin donuts in the back of the parking lot in his clapped out BMW 335i. Gets Taco Bell with the kids afterwards on the way home and wrestles them into bed. Charges for the movie tickets but covers the Taco Bell on his own dime (he had a Visa gift card that Bert gave him months ago that he found under the drivers seat).

PLEASE DO NOT USE TIKTOK AS A RESOURCE FOR HELLENIC POLYTHEISM

Tiktok is probably one of THE WORST places to learn about REAL hellenic polytheism because it is rampant with misinformation and most creators are only interested in views and parroting misinformation THEY heard. Yes there are some great and informative creators on there to learn about the hellenic gods but they are far and few in-between.

INSTEAD if you're new to the religion and have no clue where to start researching/learning, here are a few phenomenal creators on here with wonderful and informative posts!

@wisdom-devotee has an amazing guide for starting out in hellenic polytheism

@seasaltdevotion also recently made a fantastic post on resources for starting out

@crazycatsiren has a SUPER long list of resources and research material

@khaire-traveler has possibly the greatest list on subtle deity worship for just about every god

Please actually learn from those of us that truly love and covet this religion and spread information that will truly benefit you.

so apparently bertholdt is a racist now. anybody else seeing this 😭😭😭

FREAKSSS