I Don't Know How Many Times I Survived Myself Without Telling Anyone.

Call this whatever you like, I can’t come up with anything I would be satisfied with

Love is actually truly beautiful…weird, painful, but beautiful. And I think that’s nice. You know, we INTPs aren’t unfeeling robots, we truly feel emotions extremely intensely. It is just more rare for us to feel something than it might be for others. But that’s exactly what makes our emotions maybe a little more special, at least for us. They are the proof of our life, of the fact that we’re breathing and living, the proof that we actually don’t just fake all of what we are. My true emotions, the way they overwhelm me, the way I can’t understand them, they bring me comfort. They are something I cannot understand or grasp, and I absolutely love it. Finally something else takes control over me, and somehow it brings me rest. At those moments I stop thinking. I just stop. And I had no idea I needed it as much as I do. But it’s so peaceful. And so complex. And so depressing, yet uplifting, living in a blue euphoria. Sometimes, emotions become a drug for me. They throw you into a dream, that will never become true, and yet, I think sometimes it is good and important to live in that dream. And it’s okay to feed that dream, to add more moments that meant nothing in reality, but meant the world for you.  Emotions are beautiful. Emotions are something that should be loved, and something that should be feared. They are extremely powerful, and I believe in the strength of emotions more than I believe in the strength of intellect. Emotions are able to show you the truth through the lies they say. And I’m amazed by that.

Angela Carter, “Black Venus”, Black Venus

[Text ID: “She was like a piano in a country where everybody has had their hands cut off.”]

“Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.”

— Neville Goddard

I think millennials don’t want to have children right now because they’ve seen their mothers (baby boomers) make up for what they missed out on from becoming young parents. The ones I’ve seen have failed miserably at doing so.

She

I used to hate that word

Something alien would gripe at my throat.

I would choke on it, eyes burning

Now

that I think of it, I am not as bitter.

She

Is a world away from myself and

I get dizzy sometimes,

Looking at my feet.

I am at peace with her, and I feel

A familiar bond

She was me for a while, after all.

She

And I are friends

I am walking on a road

I made for myself

And she holds my hand, a comforting presence.

She

Will always be there

And now, I understand myself better.

I will never be her

Yet I feel no pain for having been mistaken,

For she is my better friend

- She, M

A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions — as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all.

Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science (via philosophybits)

Tranquility engulfs me;

to breathe

feels redundantly inadequate.

The sky

urges my meekness

to come forth.

As a sombre feeling

now lays itself on my heart,

a forlorn memory

makes its way

across my walls.

A nurtured wish;

A longing for the unattainable;

A void wishing to be filled.

No more than an instant,

yet unreachable from this well.

And as upon me

the start begin their show,

I have but two choices:

drown,

or rushing into a dead sprint.

Though I am keen

on embracing my wish,

I luck the strenght

to get on my feet.

2021/12/01

Maybe it's time to take a step back.

All I've built does not sit right with me anymore.

Everything I believed to be one of my key truths isn't actually what it should have been.

It made everything seem like a transient moment.

That's why I feel so lost.

I couldn't fathom this realization,my mind was keeping it from me until I was ready to welcome and accept it.

It is considerably unalike the way it felt years ago.

I feel void but so full and overwhelmed by my emotions.

My emotions.How strange it sounds to be able to openly display them both to my own self snd to others.

It makes me proud.

~

There's also hurt in there.

I can't shake this overwhelming flow of emotions that is burning within me.

I wouldn't give it up for anything in this world,neverthless I feel powerless.

I am supposed to start anew.How is that supposed to be done?

Am I still the person I believe I am?

Is there more that wants to come out of its abyss?

The scariest part of a depressive episode isn't crying due to the intense sadness and pain, but when you can't.

Art by Claralieu

"Un solo sguardo e tutto è finito lí"

~Lacrime dal Cielo

There are two thing you can't fake or hide: the look in your eyes and your heartbeat.

May it be because they are connected to your spiritual self or because of a scientifically proven phenomenon,the true you knows that they will always be true.

They are truths that do not need to be proven.

They can't be concealed and you can't stop them from being conveyed to others.

It flows through that thin connection that surrounds us all and does not pass unobserved.

This allows you to let your trust reside in someone.

To let your emotions run freely.

To give it your all.

People are not made up of only one self,unfortunately.

As much as those things are true,they reflect the true essence and feelings of only one of their selves.

Their others selves are not obliged to uphold those truths.

Believe in them and believe in yourself as well. Good will surely come from it.

2021/08/01