I Am Tired And Uninspired

“Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there’s nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.”

— Jasmine Warga, My Heart and Other Black Holes (via perfectquote)

Pastel Lockscreen

Credit : @Argodeonn on twitter

Like a candle

set aside in wait;

Etiolated,

no more than ornamental.

Its life comes to a stand still.

No purpose,

yet—

hopeful.

The true flames

erase time.

They engulf the deepest of feelings

one can conceive.

Defying common laws,

negativity

turns into bright flames.

Scorching hot...

...happiness?

Blinded by reason

follow the heat

slowly abating in corners of your body.

There,

lies truth.

There,

lie your answers.

Happiness is not far away.

Whoever first said that poetry is dead failed to provide the autopsy. If poetry is dead, what a rowdy and glorious ghost. Poetry haunts. Poetry permeates the walls we put up. Poetry startles us awake and into our own aliveness. Poetry rustles the hairs on the backs of our necks and chases us into more compassionate rooms. Though it is difficult to change a stubborn mind, poetry can change our hearts in an instant.

Andrea Gibson and Megan Falley, from How Poetry Can Change Your Heart

“The way people treat you is a statement of who they are as a human being. It’s not a statement about you.”

— Unknown

“it was a cry / meant for no one / but the moon—”

— Sujata Bhatt, from “The Langur Coloured Night”, Collected Poems

I need to know

"I find talking hard I find explaining impossible And I find trying arduous

It was never easy to talk It was never possible to explain And it was burdensome to try

But I realized that to comprehend I had to write I had to read and I had to know more

And for that I will always love writing for I can finally communicate I shall always love reading for I see and understand myself through the characters And I will keep trying to know for I have to try and need to know"

Start,start,start...where to start....

The vibe around me has changed since the New Years.

Being aware of oneself is hard although seemingly doable as far as I've tried.Nonetheless,being aware of the people around you as well as everything that comes with the everyday life is not a joke.

Empathy makes part of it seem right,despite how much hurt I feel afterwards.

It's so tiring honestly.

The good thing turned to be that I actually accomplished the most important (almost everything) goals that I had set for myself in 2020.I'm a new person as a result of that.

There's still so much going on but my giddiness is obfuscating every thought.

Well,looks like I'll have something to ponder over the next month.

2021/01/06

Why do humans need companionship?

Why can't be satisfied by being alone with ourselves?

Humans are known to be social beings,and no matter how much we may love our alone-time,we will always choose,with such alacrity even,to spend some of our time with someone whom we deem worthy of being around us.

It is an inexorable truth,which no matter how strongly you are opposed to,will show itself to you some time or another.

It is surely up to you whether to understand it or not,but there will come a time when your good intentions aimed at protecting yourself will backlash.

At that point in time there will be no one to turn to,all your choices will pour down on you and you will see no path ahead of you.

After realizing what companionship means to you,everything will become undeniably stressful.

Is it because of fear?Do you just not know how human interactions unravel anymore?Or what is it?

Usually it would be wise to let go of such feelings by interrupting the friendship causing them,however that is not the case in such a context.

At this point in time you only have one option:try not putting this companionship ahead of everything else,instead just hold it dear to you.Hopefully everything will be set in motion once again.

It felt like we went up and up and up-

higher than I was comfortable with.

My legs started to burn with each step

Until the burn left, no room left for it

And they just slowed, peanut butter steps

And then stopped, too tired to keep time.

Turning around felt like defeat

But good.

On the way down they shook

Bambi knees in jell-o

And every step felt a little bit

like I was falling.

The path ribboned its way

A steady incline

A human paved path

And still my legs

New born, half-set,

Paced a drunk’s gait down

This hill with ideas of grandeur

I did not feel shame or guilt

In my gut

I felt accomplished and proud

Until we spoke later

And then I felt a little bit-

Like I wished I had fallen.

1:50pm 7/1/2021