His Swagless Breakdowns Have Captivated Me

rare sight: a peaceful afternoon

Sometimes you have to beg your best friend to leave the only place he’s called home since his mother died because he will not survive if he stays - even if that means leaving you. Sometimes you have to mop up your best friend’s blood and try not to look at bone sticking out of skin. Sometimes you have to convince your bestfriend that the person he loves (the person you hate more than anything) does not love him and will never love him and never did love him because love doesn’t look like sacrificing someone else’s dream for the sake of your own pride. Sometimes you have to let your best friend go even though it might end with you soaked in your own blood because you know that you were always stronger than him and you can endure it - you have to endure it. Sometimes you are Jean Moreau and you are very very alone.

Hey. Psst. You. Yes, you. You, who thinks that Andrew choking Kevin for Neil is sweet and romantic.

Yes, please, come closer.

*slams a rolled up newspaper on your face*

No.

It's not romantic. It's not sweet. It's not proof of Andrew's undying care and love for Neil. It's Andrew, going back on his promise to protect Kevin. It's Andrew, choking someone who trusted him and who had already been betrayed and abused by a person he once trusted in the past.

Loving a character doesn't mean you can't recognise they've made mistakes and shitty things. Especially when it comes to the AFTG ones.

About how Kerejeandreils cope with their traumas

Jean often has nightmares on his bad days. When the boundaries of anxiety grow to an exorbitant size, he go to Jeremy.

Neil's triggers can be triggered by any little thing (words; sudden movements). Of course, he won't admit that he's not okay, but Andrew doesn't need to say anything. He himself will take Neil away from everyone, where they will smoke in silence.

Kev may not eat for weeks and lock himself in a room, but that doesn't mean the guys won't find a way to get to him. Their sunny boy just picks the lock, but no one comes in until Kevin himself lets them in.

That's how they find out that Jeremy didn't have a sweet life either. And even if his teenage riots and escapes from home are not the nightmare that the guys had to go through, his problem are not devalued.

Andrew never talks about his bad days. He is a defender, and it behooves him to be strong and not show weakness. This delusion, which he has convinced himself of, doesn't suit Knox, so Minyard can no longer ignore his condition.

Jean asks Andrew to teach him how to fight with knives. This is far from the best way to deal with trauma to rape, but Minyard agrees to help with the only condition: Jean will sign up for a session with Bee. If necessary, they will go to it together.

Neil's "I'm fine" eventually loses weight completely in their company. Everyone understands that this is utter nonsense.

One day, after a grueling interview, Kevin just finds Jeremy and lies with him in silence for several hours. He was tired. It infuriates him how journalists try to get into his personal life. He feels bad. But next to Jer, everything gets a little better.

Evenings Andrew barricades himself in the kitchen, devoting himself to cooking. Maybe it's stupid, but that's how he calms the demons in his head.

Neil, stepping over his fears, takes Jean by the hand, and runs his palm over his scars. He doesn't avoid touching, unlike Andrew, but this is also an important step forward. Especially after what happened in the Nest.

They're not fine, but it's okay. They overcome their demons together.

chu chu 💘

nathaniel wesninski had been dead for years before they left him buried in baltimore. he had been dead, but he’d also been ever-present, pacing in the muffled beat of alex’s footsteps, crouching beneath the hooded circles under stefan’s eyes, twitching at the base of chris’s trigger finger. pulsing in the pit of abram’s throat as he stuck a lighter to the hood of his mother’s car. he crawled into bed at neil’s side when he tucked away his brown contacts and pulled out his binder. but neil, abram, alex-stefan-chris, weren’t the only ones he haunted, because he haunted evermore too. he was the silhouette that sat on the edge of the bed opposite jean’s when zane wasn’t in the room. he was the phantom that drew cold fingers over the number that should have been his scrawled on the face of the boy he should have been able to save. he was the speck of light jean saw when he opened his eyes underwater long enough he forgot how to breathe. he was the glinting edge of a box-cutter and the creaking floor of a wooden box and the stale air in jean’s lungs from 48 hours in hell. the point separating 11.9 from 1.19. misplaced forever partners united by being haunted by the same ghost.

Kerejeandreil, Andrew's car and a little hot softness.

At first, by default, only Drew drives the Maserati (and sometimes Neil on the rights of the person who paid for this car).

The front seat next to the driver is forever Neil's. Andrew just won't get behind the wheel if Josten isn't around.

Kevin can be indignant and deny for a long time, but he likes to ride in the back seat between Jeremy and Jean.

But there were exceptions when he changed places with someone (like, for example, the time when Jean had a panic attack right on the way, and he wouldn't let anyone near him except Knox; or when Andrew nearly passed out after driving for too long and Neil was filling in for him).

Jean always sits by the window, because he likes to watch the passing landscapes.

One day Andrew lets Day take the keys to car.

"If something happens to the baby Mas, you will explain to Josten yourself why I need a new car!", Minyard squints his eyes, poking at him with his finger.

"I'll be fine," Day sighs. "I promise, okay? I'll return the car in one piece in the evening."

Jeremy asks Minyard to teach him how to drive a car.

Andrew initially refuses, but then decides to take a chance.

"That's enough, I've had enough", the car almost blows off at the turn, Andrew manages to grab the steering wheel at the last moment. "Get out of there."

This is the very moment when Knox almost flew into a pole, endangering their lives. Some people are just born to be pedestrians.

"I'm sorry," Knox whispers this an infinite number of times, and Andrew realizes that he is in state of shock .

"It's okay, baby," Andrew gently puts his palms on his cheeks, turning to himself after nonverbal consent. "No one was hurt."

No one except Andrew (and, probably, Neil) knows this.

They don't talk about this situation, but Knox's desire to get behind the wheel disappears completely.

They have Kevin instead of a navigator.

Jean is responsible for the music. Needless to say, French songs sound mostly from the radio?)

Andrew doesn't care about speed limits, so fines become an integral part of their existence.

It pisses Kevin off because he cares about their reputation.

Jean likes to sit on the hood, throwing back his head, and look at the stars.

Usually at such moments the guys lose Jean, but in the end everyone gathers at the car.

"Look, guys," Moreau pokes at a random piece of sky. "There's the constellation Cygnus."

"That's not," Kevin denies, climbing onto the hood next to Jean.

Kev ruffles the Frenchman's hair and then lays his head comfortably on his lap.

"Like kids," Andrew grumbles, wrapping his arms around Neil's waist.

Jeremy bends down and jokes in Jean's ear that they can repeat the very scene of Rose and Jack from Titanic.

Andrew assure that this is a bad idea.

"Well, when I caught you, you didn't look unhappy," Kevin laughs contagiously.

"Shut up, Day. It really brings little pleasure," Andrew rolls his eyes.

Neil nods, kissing Jean on the neck.

Moreau gives Neil more space, lazily turning around, than opens access to the protruding collarbones.

"In the movies it looks beautiful, but in fact there is too little space in car to make love," Neil agrees with Minyard, recalling their recent experiments in the car.

Jean groans strangled, throwing up his hands, and blindly finds the back of Josten's head, pulling him to himself.

They merge in a lingering kiss, and even Andrew, who can be surprised by little, sticks to this scene.

"Jesus," Jeremy hides his face in his hands, embarrassed. "Are you, guys, serious?"

"Ye-e-eah," Kev pulls him by the edge of his T-shirt to himself. "Or do you have something against, pretty boy?"

Jeremy thinks, that his boyfriends have no language filter (and no conscience either).

Andrew lights a cigarette, feeling that they will not be able to sleep that night.

A very quick doodle because @wymack was talking about Kandreil and now I have a mighty need

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it."

sometimes when I wanna make my self sad I just think about how the choking incident was quite possibly the most devastating way for Andrew and Kevin's deal to end