Do You Have Any Kevandreil Headcanons?

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it."

this game has welcomed me back to moe hell with open arms

edit: fixed it, ya filthy animals!

Kerejeandreil, Andrew's car and a little hot softness.

At first, by default, only Drew drives the Maserati (and sometimes Neil on the rights of the person who paid for this car).

The front seat next to the driver is forever Neil's. Andrew just won't get behind the wheel if Josten isn't around.

Kevin can be indignant and deny for a long time, but he likes to ride in the back seat between Jeremy and Jean.

But there were exceptions when he changed places with someone (like, for example, the time when Jean had a panic attack right on the way, and he wouldn't let anyone near him except Knox; or when Andrew nearly passed out after driving for too long and Neil was filling in for him).

Jean always sits by the window, because he likes to watch the passing landscapes.

One day Andrew lets Day take the keys to car.

"If something happens to the baby Mas, you will explain to Josten yourself why I need a new car!", Minyard squints his eyes, poking at him with his finger.

"I'll be fine," Day sighs. "I promise, okay? I'll return the car in one piece in the evening."

Jeremy asks Minyard to teach him how to drive a car.

Andrew initially refuses, but then decides to take a chance.

"That's enough, I've had enough", the car almost blows off at the turn, Andrew manages to grab the steering wheel at the last moment. "Get out of there."

This is the very moment when Knox almost flew into a pole, endangering their lives. Some people are just born to be pedestrians.

"I'm sorry," Knox whispers this an infinite number of times, and Andrew realizes that he is in state of shock .

"It's okay, baby," Andrew gently puts his palms on his cheeks, turning to himself after nonverbal consent. "No one was hurt."

No one except Andrew (and, probably, Neil) knows this.

They don't talk about this situation, but Knox's desire to get behind the wheel disappears completely.

They have Kevin instead of a navigator.

Jean is responsible for the music. Needless to say, French songs sound mostly from the radio?)

Andrew doesn't care about speed limits, so fines become an integral part of their existence.

It pisses Kevin off because he cares about their reputation.

Jean likes to sit on the hood, throwing back his head, and look at the stars.

Usually at such moments the guys lose Jean, but in the end everyone gathers at the car.

"Look, guys," Moreau pokes at a random piece of sky. "There's the constellation Cygnus."

"That's not," Kevin denies, climbing onto the hood next to Jean.

Kev ruffles the Frenchman's hair and then lays his head comfortably on his lap.

"Like kids," Andrew grumbles, wrapping his arms around Neil's waist.

Jeremy bends down and jokes in Jean's ear that they can repeat the very scene of Rose and Jack from Titanic.

Andrew assure that this is a bad idea.

"Well, when I caught you, you didn't look unhappy," Kevin laughs contagiously.

"Shut up, Day. It really brings little pleasure," Andrew rolls his eyes.

Neil nods, kissing Jean on the neck.

Moreau gives Neil more space, lazily turning around, than opens access to the protruding collarbones.

"In the movies it looks beautiful, but in fact there is too little space in car to make love," Neil agrees with Minyard, recalling their recent experiments in the car.

Jean groans strangled, throwing up his hands, and blindly finds the back of Josten's head, pulling him to himself.

They merge in a lingering kiss, and even Andrew, who can be surprised by little, sticks to this scene.

"Jesus," Jeremy hides his face in his hands, embarrassed. "Are you, guys, serious?"

"Ye-e-eah," Kev pulls him by the edge of his T-shirt to himself. "Or do you have something against, pretty boy?"

Jeremy thinks, that his boyfriends have no language filter (and no conscience either).

Andrew lights a cigarette, feeling that they will not be able to sleep that night.

Batman : The Deal - Fan-Fiction - DANIEL BAYLISS

Synchronization of horrors.

It had to happen one day. Jean sees flashes of other people's hands in front of his eyes, shying away from Kevin's soothing touch. All he can do is squeeze out a pathetic "no" on the verge of hysteria rising to his throat.

Jeremy is at Moreau's side at the same moment. He has seen how him lives through such attacks, and knows what to do. Kevin steps back, allowing Jeremy to sit Jean down on a chair. It is not easy for him to realize that he can do nothing to help his second beloveds who has survived violence.

Andrew and Jean are inherently very similar. They wrest control from the world. On bad days, Andrew only lets Neil in, and Jean only lets Jeremy in. No exceptions. They are their safe place. Fair enough, considering these are the people who managed to figure them out faster than anyone else.

Synchronizing their shared nightmares is maddening. Neither Andrew nor Jean like to show their vulnerability, and these days they try to avoid each other, going in different directions. They literally trigger at the sight of each other.

This day is just one of those when Kevin wants to burst into tears from impotence. The horrors of the past overtake his guys at the same time. Word for word, and Andrew does not hold back with words, in fact, like Jean.

It hurts.

It opens up old wounds.

Neil crawls out of his and Andrew's room. He does not approach them, pausing in the doorway. Jeremy shakes his head, and Neil realizes that neither he nor Kev have anything to do here. He pulls Day away by the edge of a home stretched T-shirt. The sound of shuffling footsteps hangs unpleasantly in the atmosphere of a quiet house.

"How's Andrew?" Kevin asks, and Neil shrugs vaguely.

The exact answer is: in the abyss of nightmares, mired in the swamp of the rolling past. Neil doesn't say that. If Minyard wants to, he will tell everything himself.

Kevin accepts Josten's silence. They curl up together on the sofa in the living room, clinging to each other like drowning people. The Ravens destroyed Jean. The system destroyed Andrew. Their hastily glued fragments cut painfully and without warning not only them.

Neil wraps his arm around Day's waist, looking oceans of pupils into his eyes. The storm hides inside him, infecting Kevin with quiet anger.

"It's so fucked up, Kev."

The muffled sound of French deafens them both. They would give anything not to understand fragments of Jean's panic attacks in his native language. It's scary. Details of the horrors of his past.

Kevin nudges Neil lightly in the back.

"Maybe you should go to Andrew. He needs you a lot more than I do."

Neil isn't moving anywhere. Andrew asked for space, and he's giving it to him. After all, who is he to violate his boundaries? He's much more useful here, next to a completely lost Kevin.

Hey. Psst. You. Yes, you. You, who thinks that Andrew choking Kevin for Neil is sweet and romantic.

Yes, please, come closer.

*slams a rolled up newspaper on your face*

No.

It's not romantic. It's not sweet. It's not proof of Andrew's undying care and love for Neil. It's Andrew, going back on his promise to protect Kevin. It's Andrew, choking someone who trusted him and who had already been betrayed and abused by a person he once trusted in the past.

Loving a character doesn't mean you can't recognise they've made mistakes and shitty things. Especially when it comes to the AFTG ones.

About how Kerejeandreils cope with their traumas

Jean often has nightmares on his bad days. When the boundaries of anxiety grow to an exorbitant size, he go to Jeremy.

Neil's triggers can be triggered by any little thing (words; sudden movements). Of course, he won't admit that he's not okay, but Andrew doesn't need to say anything. He himself will take Neil away from everyone, where they will smoke in silence.

Kev may not eat for weeks and lock himself in a room, but that doesn't mean the guys won't find a way to get to him. Their sunny boy just picks the lock, but no one comes in until Kevin himself lets them in.

That's how they find out that Jeremy didn't have a sweet life either. And even if his teenage riots and escapes from home are not the nightmare that the guys had to go through, his problem are not devalued.

Andrew never talks about his bad days. He is a defender, and it behooves him to be strong and not show weakness. This delusion, which he has convinced himself of, doesn't suit Knox, so Minyard can no longer ignore his condition.

Jean asks Andrew to teach him how to fight with knives. This is far from the best way to deal with trauma to rape, but Minyard agrees to help with the only condition: Jean will sign up for a session with Bee. If necessary, they will go to it together.

Neil's "I'm fine" eventually loses weight completely in their company. Everyone understands that this is utter nonsense.

One day, after a grueling interview, Kevin just finds Jeremy and lies with him in silence for several hours. He was tired. It infuriates him how journalists try to get into his personal life. He feels bad. But next to Jer, everything gets a little better.

Evenings Andrew barricades himself in the kitchen, devoting himself to cooking. Maybe it's stupid, but that's how he calms the demons in his head.

Neil, stepping over his fears, takes Jean by the hand, and runs his palm over his scars. He doesn't avoid touching, unlike Andrew, but this is also an important step forward. Especially after what happened in the Nest.

They're not fine, but it's okay. They overcome their demons together.

Sometimes you have to beg your best friend to leave the only place he’s called home since his mother died because he will not survive if he stays - even if that means leaving you. Sometimes you have to mop up your best friend’s blood and try not to look at bone sticking out of skin. Sometimes you have to convince your bestfriend that the person he loves (the person you hate more than anything) does not love him and will never love him and never did love him because love doesn’t look like sacrificing someone else’s dream for the sake of your own pride. Sometimes you have to let your best friend go even though it might end with you soaked in your own blood because you know that you were always stronger than him and you can endure it - you have to endure it. Sometimes you are Jean Moreau and you are very very alone.

A list of things kevin does for neil post-evermore

Wakes up on the raven schedule with him so when he waits in his dorm he isn't alone and kevin can help him figure out the time

Casually reminds neil of the time, so he knows he isnt losing time anymore

Let's neil be extra harsh on him in team practice when hes cleared play, cause none of the others would understand raven playing.

Helps ease neil back into non-nest food (I hc they had ridiculously strict diets there)

Mindlessly shares clothes & food with Neil because ravens share everything

Helps him take care of that tattoo - ensure it wouldn't get infected

Right after Neil gets back from evermore he finds himself looking over his shoulder for jean everywhere he goes and his vaguely anxious when he finds no one there. Without out saying anything kevin falls in to place right behind neil on his left side right behind him. Close enough that if neil leans back he can feels Kevin's chest and not for the first time since evermore he is grateful.

Okay so in my last Kevin post, I mentioned I have analysis' on how Kevin isn't a coward and how his trauma still affects him and you guys wanted to read it so here!

Why Kevin Day Isn’t a Coward: 

Essentially this comes down to 3 specific points in the fandom and even in the books since people are very adamant about the whole coward thing. The two things that people (in book and fandom-wise) use to argue that Kevin is a coward are: 

Kevin is still afraid/ doesn’t stand up to Riko 

That he left Jean behind in the nest.

Starting off with the first point. Kevin is still afraid and doesn’t stand up to Riko for the majority of the books. Firstly, we need to understand that Kevin has been abused from an extremely young age in the Nest and was conditioned into thinking that kind of behaviour was normal. And by that I mean specifically Riko’s abuse but before that, it was Coach Moriyama that abused both of them. 

He was stuck in the Nest for over a decade where his only role was “property” the entire time. That was all he would ever be to them and additionally to that, he wasn’t even allowed to be better than Riko. His entire life from the very start has been about exy but it was only after his mothers death where it became life or death. 

During tfc when Neil finds out how Kevin’s hand really broke Wymack says “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it."

He wasn’t raised to have anything else, exy is quite literally his everything, and without it, he has nothing and nobody. In this same scene, Wymack says, “Kevin doesn't talk about his time at Evermore, but I could tell it wasn't the first time Riko or Moriyama laid a hand on him. It was just the first time Kevin was smart enough to pack his bags and walk away.”

We never find out in detail what exactly happened to Kevin in the Nest but in TRK when Neil goes there we can see how deluded and obsessed Riko is with Kevin.

Neil moved up alongside him and regretted it almost immediately. Postcards of faraway cities both foreign and domestic were taped to the walls. Beneath each one were scraps of paper. Kevin's now-familiar scrawl listed dates and explanations for the travels. Most of them were games. Some indicated photo shoots and interviews. Books lined the shelves built into the headboard and Neil knew from skimming the spines they were Kevin's. Kevin was majoring in history for reasons Neil couldn't understand; these dry titles were the sorts of things he would find fascinating. It gave Neil chills to see his space preserved like this. It was like Kevin had gone out on an errand, not that he'd transferred to another team entirely.

Riko is so sure that Kevin is going to come back to him because he’s instituted such fear into him, he doesn’t think Kevin has the strength to stand up to him. Which he does, but people don’t seem to realise you can’t undo over a decade's worth of trauma overnight. 

Anyway, during Neil’s time in the Nest, he’s treated very similarly to how Kevin would be considering he was in his place but also not as harsh because they had to send Neil back to the Foxes inevitably.

"I am going to love hurting you," Riko said, "like I loved hurting Kevin."

What follows this is Riko tying Neil down and torturing him with a switchblade. By the time Neil leaves the Nest he doesn’t remember anything from the experience- he was so traumatised by it that he doesn’t remember it at all. (It also kinda sucks how Neil gets more sympathy for being in the nest for 2 weeks than Kev did for being there for over a decade.)

Putting this into perspective, Kevin went through that for so much longer and doesn’t get nearly enough of the same sympathy Neil did. Neil returned and Kevin got punched for letting him go even though he tried persuading Neil not to. Kevin has always had Neil’s best interest at heart. 

Kevin shook his head and bulled on when Neil started to argue. "The master wants to salvage you. He's going to sign you to the Raven lineup in spring. So long as you keep quiet and keep your head down he won't tell the main family he's found you." "I'm not a Raven," Neil said. "I never will be." "Then run," Kevin insisted, low and frantic. "It's the only way you'll survive."

Kevin was willing to sacrifice the only chance he had to prove his autonomy to the Moriyamas if it meant Neil would be safe. Without Neil, they wouldn’t have enough players to qualify and they wouldn’t be able to play at all. (Again: “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it.")

Not to mention the whole “Kevin was silent for an endless minute, then said, "You should be Court." It was barely a whisper, but it cut Neil to the bone. It was a resentful goodbye to the bright future Kevin had wanted for Neil. Kevin recruited Neil because he believed in Neil's potential. He brought him to the Foxes intending to make a star athlete out of him. Despite his condescending attitude and his dismissals of Neil's best efforts Kevin honestly expected Neil to make the national team after graduation.

And even after that, he promised to teach Neil, because at the end of the day, Neil was still Neil and he never gave up on him once.

And Neil understood that being on the run for 8 years was more preferable to the Nest. 

“But all Neil had to do was look at Kevin to know he would have hated that life 

too.”

Sorry I kinda went off track there anyway we can also see how much Riko’s presence still affects Kevin especially in scenes like the Kathy Ferdinand show. 

“Any animosity Neil felt toward Kevin for forcing him onto this show evaporated. He couldn't be angry when Riko was here, not when Riko was to Kevin what Neil's father was to him. Petty anger had nothing on this full-fledged terror.”

Obviously, we all know what a dickhead Neil’s dad was to him so Neil comparing the fear of his father being similar to Kevin’s fear of Riko is so important because it just puts into perspective how afraid Kevin is here face-to-face with his abuser the first time since said abuser permanently disabled him.

But what I don’t think is that Kevin has been standing upto Riko since the start because right after this when they were backstage, Kevin physically stopped Riko from hurting Neil even if it meant getting hurt by Riko again.

A black look twisted Riko's expression into something ugly and unrecognizable. He reached for Neil, but Kevin caught his arm to stop him. Riko slammed his elbow back into Kevin's face without missing a beat.

This scene is probably the best to describe how downright afraid Kevin is of Riko but there are others when Kevin has multiple panic attacks at just the thought of Riko or being in the same vicinity as him and rightfully so! Riko abused him, manipulated him and then took away the only thing he had. And Kevin was just forced to think this was okay. 

And a lot of characters and fans see his fear as cowardice instead of a normal trauma response. This is also because Neil tends to speak out more against Riko than Kevin (You know I get it…) but unlike Neil, Kevin has had direct repercussions towards him for the “mistake” of talking back to Riko which of course makes him hesitant. 

He knows the Moriyamas could drag him back at any moment and he's terrified of that happening.

Which leads to the second bit of “Kevin doesn’t stand up to Riko.” when many times, he has.

The most prominent example is in TRK, just after the foxes lost their first match to the ravens.

“You have fallen so far, Kevin. You should have stayed down and saved us the trouble of forcing you back to your knees." "I'm satisfied," Kevin said. It was the last response any of the Foxes expected from him. They forgot about Riko in favor of gaping at Kevin. "Not with their score or performance, but with their spirit. I was right. There's more than enough here for me to work with."

Kevin chose the foxes over the ravens- over Riko. He doesn’t allow their loss to become something Riko can use against him but instead something to affirm his current standing with them. This is also the first game Andrew played without his meds meaning he’s crashed by the end of it.

Kevin distracted the Ravens from Andrew's unsteadiness by facing them.

Kevin willingly turned to talk to his ex-abuser and his team if it meant Andrew wouldn’t be under fire. Most people only see Kevin and Andrew as Andrew protecting Kevin but Kevin protected Andrew just as much.

And of course we have the whole tattoo removal and the last exy match against the foxes but I need everyone to understand that those are so so so important. Kevin spent the entire series save the last quarter of the last book viewing himself as Riko’s property. Riko refers to him as such and even without Riko near him, his control is still strong over Kevin.

So Kevin removing his tattoo and replacing it with something with a higher hierarchical structure than Riko’s status as king is so detrimental, it’s a turning point for him because he’s viewing himself as his own person now. And Kevin scoring the winning goal brings us full circle because the last time he did that with Riko, he ended up disabled and shunned.

This brings me to my second point about Kevin running away from the nest. Alot of people see Kevin escpaing from the nest and leaving behind Jean as an act of cowardice. This bit gets a bit complicated because in no way shape or form am I trying to compare trauma’s or anything like that.

But to continue on. The ravens had a very strict policy that we got to see during Neil's experience one of which being that no matter how injured they were, they were still expected to show up to practice. The more mistakes they made the more punishment they'd find themselves in. Not showing was practically a death wish.

Now Kevin having his hand fucking broken would mean thay either he doesn't practise and get punished or practise with his fucked up hand and further damage it. If he stayed I wholeheartedly believe he would've died.

He ran away to save his life and that will never be cowardice not once. He didn't go to Wymack immediately when he found out because he knew what kind of target he'd paint on Wymacks back.

"He was trying to protect him," Neil said. "If Coach knew Kevin was his son, he'd have tried to take him from Edgar Allan." Nicky grimaced. "They'd have never let Kevin go." 

He only left when he had no other option. He had nothing left, the one thing he did have was taken away from him, he had no purpose and for once Riko didn't care enough about him to pay attention. And he used that to run.

Leaving Jean behind was something he always regretted, but it was a game of survival. Jean was a gift to the Moriyamas, he was also property to them and couldn't leave. And if the roles were reversed I strongly believe Jean would've done the same thing.

Also Kevin finds a place for him layer with the trojans because he knew that being a fox wouldn't be good for him.

"He isn't safe with us," Kevin said. "I won't give him false hope."

Staying in the nest would've been suicide for Kevin. He's one of the biggest victims in the series but nobody talks about it enough I fear and there's so much to learn about him via context clues etc.

And the saddest thing in my opinion is that Kevin knew was it was like to be loved, he was raised by his mother for a few years before going to the Moriyamas. 

ANYWAY to conclude, I suck at essays and I hope I've worded everything well and what I'm trying to say gets across. Kevin is not a coward, never has been a coward and never will be. He's survived through such a damaging and abusive environment only to get moved to a separate environment where everyone just ridicules his defense tactics and he has no real sense of support. 

His reasons for what he does always stems from the fact the he doesn't want to go back to being under Riko and Coach Moriyamas "care" and that he's afraid. And most of the time it's things he can't shake from the nest.

Like when he pushes the foxes its so they're always at their best and so none of them get hurt or punished for mistakes. He pushed himself the hardest because he doesn't want to directly affect his teammates. 

Or the celebrity persona he was forced to develop.

Or how he makes sure everyone is staying healthy and that they don't force themselves to play when sick or injured because he knows what it's like to be forced to play like that day after day. 

AND IVE GONE OFF COURSE AGAIN yeah I kinda mashed together both analysis' of how Kevin's trauma from the nest affects him and how he's not a coward into one thing AND THIS IS SUPER LONG so if ur still here thank you very much for reading I really hope this makes sense