One Day I’m Missing You, The Next I Don’t Even Care If You’d Call Or Text My Phone. Even If I Don’t

i wish to take you somewhere safe, somewhere far away from bad things and bad people who want to hurt you. i wish to take away your pain and that numb feeling in your chest when your friends and their parents walked pass you. i know i may not be your lover nor someone you’d consider close but is it wrong to want to help? is it wrong to not want to be that someone that sees someone else’s pain and doesn’t do anything about it? because i didn’t once and that person grew up to be someone they never thought they’ll be. is it even wrong to wish it would be different with you?

— you don’t deserve to become someone you don’t want to be because of the bad situations in your life.

marina grace

i could have another life with you. even if it’s different from now, i still believe we can be happy. this feeling i have for you, even holding your hand makes me giddy, seeing your smile makes me happy, and knowing you love me back makes my heart beat faster than ever. i don’t ever want to let go of this feeling, and i don’t want to let go of you. in another life, in another time, in a whole different universe, i think we can still meet each other and be happy together.

— can you hear my heartbeat when i look at you? i’m searching for your face in every crowd.

marina grace

i’m scared. i’m scared of the dark. i’m scared of monsters under my bed. i’m scared of public speaking. i’m scared of seeing my friends fought for something so meaningless that our friendship broke along with it. funny that i’ve always been scared of little things and you, my best friend, told me that the scariest thing in the world is never scary and i didn’t believe you but you hugged me and told me it was okay to be scared because you’ll always be here for me. and then we grew up and you found new friends and a line of people waiting to date you and left me all alone with bad excuses because we both knew you couldn’t lie. and we drifted further apart and i stared at my phone that night, wanting to call you but didn’t, watching it slowly turn to weeks then months then years. i did some self healing then and when i saw your name on my screen for the first time in forever, i was reluctant to pick up. i did anyways, not because i wanted to renewed our already damaged friendship but because in the span of a few years, i’ve grown to move forward and stop living in the past. but from your call, i can hear the sound of loud music blasting in the back, the conversation between strangers next to you and your friends cheering and yelling and swearing. you told me you were sorry and that you still regret ending our friendship so harshly but i told you it was okay and take care of yourself because i realise now that while i worked hard to move forward, you’re still stuck in the past.

— like you said, the scariest thing in the world is never scary but the things you thought weren’t scary are.

marina grace

make a wish, angel. sing it to the stars. dance it to the moon. you are all things beloved, stardust and sea sand. your wish will be fulfilled, your desires will come true. new year is the beginning of your very best life, if it hasn’t started already. nothing and no one can stop you from getting what you want—and everything you want is what you deserve. don’t forget, you are not just another human on earth, you are everything someone could love…

— you are life reincarnated, the goddess’s creation, the universe’s beloved child.

marina grace

there are more i wish you would say, more words spoken, more actions done and more truths told rather than sad excuses.

— your lack of words is my reminder of why i couldn’t stay.

marina grace

i saw you among the crowded street. it was a wonder how i could still spot you among the busy crowd. i tried to call your name but my voice won’t come out. i stood there and watched as the distance between us grew, wishing i could reach out to you.

— if only i had the courage to stand before you, would you have been mine?

marina grace

what would you do when you realise i no longer like you? when, instead of my attention being immediately on to you, i’m too busy with other things to care about someone that used to matter—and instead of trying to talk to you, trying to see you, staying up longer just to have your time, i’m actually just doing my own thing, caring about myself, no longer trying, no longer doing absolutely everything just to be by your side.

— how would you feel when the waves of my heart stop flowing towards you?

marina grace

until dawn, i will wait. under stars and midnight clouds, under bright moon and fading sun. i will wait until dawn, until the very first light peeks through the sky. i will wait for the time when yesterday is no longer yesterday but when yesterday becomes today.

— until dawn, i will wait.

marina grace

as a child, our parents’ hands were our comfort, the reason why we’re holding on. as a child, a hug can say all the words needed to be said and a gentle push to another child standing with their parents was a kind message that it’s okay to seek comfort in someone else, that it’s perfectly fine to depend on others for happiness too. as a child, so many little, yet simple things can bring out a smile. perhaps nowadays these little joys aren’t joys anymore. we grew up and we start looking for bigger, better things. perhaps a hug seems like a chore now. perhaps making friends is no longer for the purpose of seeking comfort. perhaps our parents’ hands is no longer the reason we’re holding on. but please remember that all these little things were once simple joys that bring children like you happiness, that’s not something you can take back.

— simple joys our parents gave to us as a child.

marina grace

I will never let anyone bring me down, and I hope you all can say this with me too. Life has given you many encounters with so many people from all walks of life. Some were good encounters, some were mean and downright embarrassing. Some left you flustered and some left you lingering for more. But regardless of which specific emotions they made you felt, they affected you in some way. Comments may have dug at your self-worth, words that may have dismissed or invalidate your feelings, hidden jealousy or envy that seemingly “good” people hide. They all amount to something, and they might’ve even brought you down, pressured you, saddened you. But now, you’ve come out of it, stronger, better, wiser. Don’t let the past grip you tight. If you remember past pains, past hurt, let it be your wisdom, not your wound. Some people may have brought you down, but that’s exactly why it is to never happen again. That’s why it is necessary that you repeat to yourself: no one can hurt me, no one can bring me down. And remind yourself that you are wise enough to know when to leave, wise enough to know when to stand up for yourself, and wise enough to know at first glance that they are not your people and you will not let them become someone who can hurt you.