Oh Wow I Was Literally UNAWARE My Results Came Back 2-3 Days Ago And I Was Not Aware Of It

i got outed by my “friends” to others that im gay now ppl are being weird about it and they’re “disappointed”

🫡

question: if i choose to identify as a sapphic, and taking my time to understand my struggles with saying the word lesbian due to comphet (crushes also), bullied, sexualised, etc that happened to the word and myself, can i still claim the lesbian flag? (because all lesbians are sapphics but not all sapphics are lesbians) and I only chose to identify this way is because im trying to feel comfortable with the word and then once i do, then yeah). but do sapphics join the lesbian community since they got attraction to women just like lesbians do (you can’t identify as both ik) ? or do i just, stick to the sapphic community instead?

yesterday i found 3 stripes of rainbow.

Someone shouted “omfg a rainbow!!” and i FREAKED out

then on my left, 5 stripes, my right, another 3.

at the back behind me, i saw 2.

then it faded away.

although + at lunch, i found 2 again then at home to leave, i found 2 at the window, and another one at night.

IT WAS RAINING THAT WHOLE ENTIRE DAY YESTERDAY LMFAO

i feel so shit rn. remember the girl i had a crush on but i crushed on her man by accident but fell in love w her instead? there’s two other girls i met at lunch in december last year before christmas and she said she is bi and had an “ex girlfriend”. i told her i was attracted to girls since she asked and she went, “mmh, that’s really cute!! aww” and her and her little friend was acting so nice and sweet yesterday and then out of NOWHERE today, i literally ran to them to say hi and they ran away from me?? i waved hi and they gave me looks and walked away rudely. maybe they were in a bad mood but there’s way more. i went up to them and said “hey” and they got angry and left. i don’t know what i’ve done?? i never did anything to her and there’s this queer boy in my place who keeps being jealous and spreading rumours about me, apparently he heard i kissed a girl and literally nobody is talking to me?? no one wants to be my friend. everyone's making fun of me cause they’re assuming I am “disabled” but, then, they all kept gossiping and whispering to each other each time i walk past. i don’t know what that mf said but every time i walk past, it’s always something. I don’t know what he said yesterday but no one talks to me. like wtf??? he’s jealous extremely but... i’ve heard he’s making fun of me for having same sex attraction when he is GAY and have attraction to men aka SAME. SEX. like?? wtf bruh?? i am going to try talk to the girls on monday and if they keep ignoring me then im just gonna stfu with it.

update: i saw the same girl today and like ahhhh OH MY GOODNESSSSS

STORY TIME;

Short actually since we didn't talk much or I didn't do much.

I was walking today and saw her. She looked so fucking cute god I wanna say hi so badly, I wanna kiss her

She's so cute with her braces i just a aahh (it's an Asian girl, me and her meet good so it's fine) and I looked at her and she looked at me then I INSTANTLY looked away then looked back. And I went up (not too close) to her and said hi and waved and HER LITTLE NOSE SCRUNCH I AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH SHES SO FUCKING ADORABLE SAVE ME (braces and glasses)

and she's just smiling too

Then I said how are you and she nodded (I'm guessing she said yes)

I just

God she's such a cutie

PLEASE I WANNA HUG HER SO BAD

I CANT ANYMORE 😭😭

???

cw rant. cw parents, bullying & ableism (?)

since my birthday is a few days away now, i told my mom that i wanted an animal crossing birthday party and a cake and even if she didn’t order the cake, I’ll just have the cake toppers and stick it on my cake. either way is okay.

she goes ahead and asks me why i didn’t tell her sooner but what she doesn’t understand is that, we were ordering a limo to come to my house and go fun places and have the BEST time EVER, so that when I grow older in the future, I can remember all that and to live the best life. on top of that, we were buying a cake, party stuff, balloons, crowns, etc and stuff were OUT of stock and that I didn’t wanna ask and they didn’t see. I DID see a cake that had Tom nook a day ago but when I confirmed the order, it went out of stock FAST. that’s what I said and the MAIN reason why I couldn’t say.

she has the audacity to bring up my neurodivergency and goes “no wonder you’re not normal!” towards me knowing that i struggle with things. and then she goes “can’t you see thats for babies? you’re so old for that anyway..” and I told her, “but it’s my fixation game? getting a cake will just make it better because I’ll be really happy.” and she says, “you’re a fucking grown bitch. you’re not a kid anymore, youre a teen thats working, stop being childish. youre too fucking young for that. pick something else!!!” and then storming out the room.

i just feel really bad because when i was younger, when I played mario kart for the switch, isabelle was the first character that made me addicted to playing as her in the mario kart game and then, when I discovered SSB (smash bros for the 3ds and switch), I became obsessed with both male and female villager. so since they introduced me to animal crossing, that’s when I thought of getting a cake of them so that I can remind myself that nothing can stop me from loving the characters and the game.

SHE LITERALLY BROUGHT ME THE GAME. she KNOWS that I cannot HELP watching it ALL the time. she knows that i like Tom nook and wants his birthday balloon to carry to my work place with party bags but loads of people hate me for being different and neurodivergent. nobody really likes me. expect 2 people. so therefore I can’t do shit about it. I didn’t wanna be seen as the “weird autistic person who likes childish stuff”. but she makes me feel like that.

now I have to do my birthday without it for the last time, and then get it for my next birthday that’ll be next year in 12-13 months since it’s in February.

I just feel so bad and mad at myself for asking cause she brought up how autistic i am. and because she always gets angry for stuff I cannot control nor the amount of stuff I get told. nor my health issues and totally shutting down and lashing out on everyone when mad.

she gaslights me alot also. and is severely negative to me. so now I have to do my birthday without it and have a normal birthday in order to avoid being “weird” or seen as “not normal” and “stupid” and “socially acceptable.”

And she told me to stop watching those characters because they don’t “matter”. like alright i get that im retarded and a weirdo. no need to make me feel dread about it.

Fr wondering if i’m lesbian with comphet or a bisexual.

absolutely satisfied

life is so good right now

been dying to know the sides of my moms family but I know too much of my moms side and still want to know more, so we agreed to the 23andme kit and now we r waiting for the results which takes 5-6 weeks

but once of my uncles, are updating us about digging our family tree and right now, he is saying there is too many mixes in my dads family

bro said that. MY DADS side. has senegalese. swiss. italian. spanish. sweden.

thats the most recent we found and my dad sadly died so I couldnt get to ask him anything.

but being italian and spanish is shocking because he did make me visit his spanish side. my mom said EVERY time she is in that mfing house she IS ALWAYS seeing a flag that has red white and green. she didnt know what that was. but like. ITS THE WAY I WAS THINKING ABOUT VISITING SWITZERLAND AND WANTED TO LIVE THERE in the FUTURE and then boom, a gene has been found.

i love being mixed

story time today:

i was in my class and i got into a fight w my bullies and he threw his bag in my face (thank god i dodged cause my face would've been damaged), and i threw it back and got into deep trouble, and wasn’t allowed in the class.

this random teacher tells me she knows some kids with adhd, autism, etc and she goes ahead telling me, “why do you wear those ear defenders?” and i told her, “i’m autistic”, and she says in this manner, “you can’t keep wearing them. get use to the noise or i will make mom take them” okay so what if i start screaming and crying because noises get too loud leading to sensory overload, and can’t handle anything, i wouldn’t have anything to help me cause you took them all away?? and she goes ahead stereotyping me, using outdated terms, and she claims she knows autism yet i had to educate her on EVERYTHING. “oh you can’t wear those cause students will get mad” ok fuck them

“are you that autistic?”

“don’t bring toys”

“just stop making yourself look stupid. I’ll just tell mom to make you stop using them”

like how she gonna get mad or listen to you when she clearly got my diagnosis, be so for real women..