Actually Autistic - Blog Posts

hey so 21-92% of autistic people who menstruate also have pmdd, and I think more people need to know of that (coming from an autistic transguy who also has pmdd, and had no idea of this until their then undiagnosed pmdd drove them to a breaking point)

filling out these because my sensory issues are not letting me sleep. ignore that im late and doing 14 days in one post

below read more bc long

April 1st: Do you have trouble recognizing emotions in either yourself or other people? Do you ever find it hard to tell how you're feeling or even to describe how you're feeling to other people? Have you ever had trouble properly expressing your feelings? Do you have trouble recognizing what other people are feeling? How does this make life difficult for you, if it does?

I can't really differentiate emotions besides them being positive and negative. Like I know when im upset and I know when im happy and that's about it. Others are similar, I can tell when they're upset and when they're happy but I can't make out specifics in emotions. I don't understand emotions either, I've never been able to "put myself in someone else's shoes." I try my best to comfort people, but it makes it very difficult, because I can't empathize in a typical way. Describing emotions I'm alright at according to my therapist, but that's really only after lots of psychology research and being a writer since I was four.

April 2nd: Dependence. How independent are you? Are you able to live alone? Have a caretaker? Live with a relative? Is there anything you need help with in your daily life? If you live alone, does being autistic make anything about it more difficult? Do you wish you lived with someone?

Okay, so im a teenager, so, by default I can't live alone. I'm somewhat dependent. I can do all bADLS, but it takes a lot of reminders as I often forget to do them. I struggle heavily or am unable to do iADLS but I blame that on me not being taught how to do them. I think I could be independent if I was given the right tools to be independent.

April 3rd: Talk about family. How are your relationships with your family members? Are they generally supportive of you as an autistic person? Are they accommodating to your needs? Does being autistic affect your familial relationships in any meaningful way?

I have a bad relationship with my mom but it's unrelated to my autism. My mom, my dad, and my brother are mostly understanding and supportive. My mom is also autistic so that helps me. My needs are not accommodated by them exactly, as my mom doesn't really let me advocate for myself, but my dad tries his best to get my mom to get me have a say in things.

April 4th: What are your current special interests if you have any? What are some positive ways having special interests have affected your life? What are some negative ways that they have affected your life? How long do they tend to last for you? You could even talk about past special interests if you want.

Writing, humans, computer science, natural disasters, healthcare, musical theatre, birds, alien stage, psychological horror, and anime.

April 5th: What are some ways that the neurotypical people in your life can help you specifically with the challenges you face as an autistic person? Ways they can accommodate you? How can neurotypical people help the autistic community as a whole?

Just be patient with me, please. I don't like it when im unable to talk either, I don't like it when I yell either, I don't like it when I'm accidentally rude either. People getting upset at me when my autism causes me to be in distress makes the distress worse, so please, just be patient. My individual needs are too large for me to list here, and ngl I don't feel comfortable putting that online, and no way in hell im gonna speak for the whole autistic community. I'm a low support needs afab white teenager, I can't understand what it's like to have any other kind of autism then my own.

April 6th: Talk about miscommunication. As autistic people communicating is something that is harder for us than neurotypical people, in what ways is communicating generally hard for you? Talk about how being autistic has led to an instance of miscommunication in the past. Talk about social blunders that you've made due to autism. Perhaps a situation where you misinterpreted something or where you said the wrong/insensitive thing.

I'm gonna steal the term my (also autistic) theatre teacher used, "Resting autism tone." I have resting autism tone so I seem rude a lot when im trying to be nice, because I am insanely monotone. I also have situational mutism and a stutter, so talking sucks sometimes. I use TTS at times and that helps me a lot. But even when typing, it's hard. I rely heavily on tone tags. I don't understand social cues at all so that causes a lot of miscommunications too.

April 7th: Have you had people treat you differently after you told them you were autistic? In what ways? How did you feel about it and what did you do?

Yeah. Sometimes it's infantilization and/or weird looks, but sometimes it's a "that makes sense" and then they treat me differently to accommodate me. That one's nice. The infantilization sucks. I'm not a little kid, me being autistic and a minor does not make me incapable, stop treating me like I am.

April 8th: Are you a creative person? What are the types of things you create? Do you think being autistic has any influence over the types of things you create or your creativity in general?

I'm an artist and a writer, and have been my entire life. It's helped me work through a lot of my problems caused by being autistic, because I don't understand my own problems, but I understand the ones of my characters. My autism influences my art and writing in so many ways because it's integral to who I am and I put a bit of myself in every single character I create. Also I have comorbid dyspraxia, so that affects my art.

April 9th: Do you struggle with mental health? Does being autistic affect your struggle with mental health? Do you have depression or anxiety and is it influenced by being autistic?

Yeah, I've got a lot of mental health issues. Depression, anxiety, addiction, ocd, pmdd, and ptsd. I may also have BPD but too young to say for sure. I won't get into the details of my mental health issues as it could be triggering, and also it's not something i want the whole world to know, but it's severe. You can blame autism comorbidities and a bad homelife for that. My therapist says that's the cause at least.

April 10th: Do you struggle with keeping up with physical health? Does being autistic affect it?

Yep. Literally procrastinating on getting medicine right now because I'm nervous about accidentally waking someone. I have a hard time with bADLS without reminders, as priorly mentioned. I have heart issues caused by dehydration because of it. PDA and comorbid OCD w/ an avoidance compulsion is a shit combo.

April 11th: What are some things that might come easy to neurotypical people, but which you either can't do or need help to do?

Cooking, cleaning, laundry, all sorts of chores, managing money, remembering basic self care, taking medications, tying my shoes, crochet, any sort of fine motor task tbh

April 12th: What are some social rules that you don't understand? Talk about it.

GENDER. My dad has explained to me why we have the social rule of gender like multiple times and I still hate it. WHY?? WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE IN A GENDER BOX?? Also why is me using a lot of punctuation considered rude. It adds whimsy. Let me live.

April 13th: Are you able to pick up when someone is flirting with you or alternatively when someone is flirting with someone else? Do you know how to flirt?

Yeah. I mean I have a BF, and I can tell when he flirts with me. I can flirt well but usually don't. I should flirt with my BF more-

April 14th: What are some of the most difficult aspects of being autistic to you? What makes it difficult? Talk about it.

Sensory issues. I hate constantly being overwhelmed by the smallest abnormality in senses. Actually, no, the worst part is the meltdowns. I have autistic meltdowns where I scream and cry and flail around and throw things and have no control over my actions, and it's scary. My mind is there, I know what I'm doing, but my body and mouth move on it's own. I hate it so much. Also the not being able to fit in like ever sucks.

Alright, that's all, I think. I'm gonna go take some medication for this fever I'm probably running then try to sleep. Thanks for reading :)

it sucks how neurodiversity terms have become misused by neurotypicals, and then when i show my struggle with that actual thing, I get treated like I'm dramatic. I'm tired man :/ like no janis, you're not going non-verbal just because you stopped talking willingly. if you are non-verbal you cannot speak at all verbally. (I'm not non verbal tho so could be wrong) if you mean situational mutism, that feels like someone taped my fucking mouth shut, and I would not be able to talk then to save my life. I'm tired of seeing the terms non-verbal, overstimulated, hyperfixation, and the like misused. ughhhh

the elvis blog is getting to me. I was stimming a lot earlier (because I was excited about tomodachi life 2) and I was running in circles while repeating "woah mama" a bunch. it's a vocal stim now help

I got a new canopy :) this totally isn't an excuse to show off my favorite stuffed animals that I keep close to me when I sleep bc one of my special interests is plushies haha what. (Also musicals is one for me too and playbill blanket.) Shoutout to my lovely husband for crocheting me the bee that's pictured :]

doing all my homework in a few hour period that I was supposed to be working on over the past 3 weeks then letting myself engage in my hyperfixation as a little treat

One of my stims is spinning and I stimmed so hard I fell down and sprained my ankle. Why am I like this 💔

any other neurodivergent (mainly autism and/or adhd) people unable to consume content normally.

like my dad will just?? watch something and be like "yeah that was good" then move on?? And then there's me, who will consume something, stare at a wall for a bit, and then rapidly try to consume any content I can find of it. Fanart, fanfiction, c.ai bots, memes, youtube videos... and if I can't find any I get upset. And I rewatch/reread/etc it over and over again and obsess over it for days. It's not even a hyperfixation rn I am just unable to consume media normally

also why am I the only posts on the raining knives tag since 2020 where is the fandom this comic deserves a fandom wtf it's so good I need content of it pls my little audhd brain cannot /silly

:p

cute thing im coming up with

this picrew of yourself and your current hyperfixation !!

no pressure tags @pearlzier @julesssyy @reidsfavoritegirl @whitney23317 @willowsblanket @flowercrownsandtrauma @rottenletter

i had a really big hamilton hyperfixation in grade 7 and I fear i may have listened to one song today and I feel the hyperfixation coming back should I be scared what is this is this just the autism experience of randomly reawakening an old hyperfixation

having an autism meltdown all by yourself handsome?

YESSS

partially blind partially deaf autistic zuko my beloved

Stimming

A.J’s Brain

Me: "Not every autistic person is obsessed with trains. It's just a stereotype."

Also me: *thinking 24/7 about this gd train*

welcome! stay a while <3

about me !

ash | 17 | autistic

what i will post !

my writing ( fanfics & smau’s ) ( i will soon make writing request rules, right now i’m just working on my own things 🥸 )

reblogs of my fav fics & art ( but most reblogs will be on my other account @reblogforeblogsake )

art (fan art i’ve made) , but that’s will be mostly on this account @artfromtheashes )

likes !

my hero academia (current hyperfixation )

fav characters : ochako uraraka, himiko toga, izuku midoriya, shoto todoroki, katsuki bakugou, mina ashido, mei hatsume, hitoshi shinsou, eijiro kirishima, touya todoroki, keigo takami, shota aizawa, hizashi yamada ( but honestly everyone )

fav ships : togachako, bakudeku, erasermic

yellowjackets

fav characters : lottie matthews, laura lee, shauna shipman

fav ships : lottielee, jackieshauna

the disastrous life of saiki k ( never gonna give it up… never gonna let you down…🤓 ) ( sorry. don’t hate me. )

fav characters : kusuo saiki, shun kaidou, riki nendou, kineshi hairo, kokomi teruhashi ( basically everybody !!!! )

superstore & b99 : fav sitcoms, especially b99 at the moment

music : … i just love music 😵‍💫 (i’m big on big thief, mitski, fiona apple, chappell roan…)

editing, i edit on tiktok under a different username than here!

stickers… stickers..

avatar the last airbender : what can i say! it’s the best thing ever made 🤷

gravity falls, because of course!

horror movies & horror media : i don’t watch enough movies, i’m trying to watch more!! but i’m obsessed with the dead meat youtube channel and the kill count !!

the amazing world of gumball : actually never letting this go. i love it okay. it’s so funny.

the sims 4 : i haven’t played in so long cause of my shit computer 😔 but hopefully i can again soon! i miss CAS…

don’t likes / dni’s !

racist, homophobes, transphobes, ableism, bullying, pro/dark shippers, accounts that promote ED’s and SH, prominently NSFW accounts ( suggestive is fine, but if you only post nsfw and not safe for minors content it would be best to not to follow me as i am a minor )

i hope you’ll enjoy my blog and all my creations !!

|| X: Hey, if [Part 0], [The beginning], [Part 1] and [Part 2] from your story/au was told from your oc perspective, how would it sound? ||

|| Me: Like this: ||

|| Many things happened to this girl (and yes, she had black hair, but the more she grew and developed her quirk, the more her father's genetics appeared, that is, All For One and his white ass hair, at least she has hair like inko) ||

|| As a bonus, take this little draw of my oc and her brother :D ||

|| Sometimes I don't understand how there are people who think that some autistic people (me included) are stupid and don't know how to do anything. ||

|| Like, yes i can FUCKING cook, study, READ AND WRITE and do the same as you. The only thing you could beat me at is talking to PEOPLE. ||

Jller by Benjamin Maus and Prokop Bartonicek - a kinetic artwork that sorts thousands of random river stones by age

hi, I have an odd question. Is it normal to be 16 yet still really want a plushie? I love Bluey, and the episode "Cricket" means a lot to me, since I'm in a tough spot in my life right now, it's actually my favorite episode. Ever since I watched that episode, Rusty is my favorite character and I'd really like a plushie of him. However, I can't get one because my parents don't approve of it. (the only way I can get one is thru Amazon, and I need their permission if I want to order something online.)

I wasn't gonna answer any asks right now, but this one is easy!

Yes it's normal and okay to be 16 and want a plushie!

I'm 40 and I sleep with a plushie, plus I collect them!

And that's not all of them!

I'm sorry you can't get one yet...but I hope you can soon!

accommodations

knowing something to be true and feeling like something is true should logically be things that always go hand in hand together, but frustratingly enough feelings aren’t things ruled by logic and so this doesn’t always happen. one of these things that I can’t achieve any kind balance between is me knowing that I deserve accommodations and me feeling like I absolutely do not deserve them.

it’s just that when you have been taught your entire life that if you have the ability to do something on your own, you do not deserve any help making it easier to achieve, it becomes very hard to let go of that lesson even when you know it wasn’t factual. it’s too deeply hammered into you that only the helpless deserve help, so if you can do anything without help you’re obviously not helpless and obviously don’t ever deserve help.

but I now know this to be wrong

and as for what I know to be true is that there is no point in suffering.

there is no merit to taking a perilous road to reach a place you could have reached with another path that won’t force you to pay the toll with anguish.

exhausting yourself to the point of not even being able to appreciate the view of the mountain you climbed is pointless. 

pain is not a virtue. 

not only the mythical helpless but everybody deserves and needs help sometimes. you needing help more than the majority needs it isn’t a moral failing. 

always giving everything 101% of your best is not the rent you pay for being alive. 

living is hard enough without disabilities and illnesses, you shouldn’t make it harder on yourself by not grabbing onto infrequent given opportunities (and unjustly infrequent might I add!) to level the playing field.

I feel wholeheartedly that you deserve accommodations for your disabilities and illnesses be they mental or physical or what have you. I'm looking forward to day I feel wholeheartedly that I deserve them to.

but for now knowing is enough.

recently I've started using the word disabled to describe myself and my autism and I've noticed how uncomfortable it makes people without disabilities. they get this palpable aura of disapproval but they’re too scared to say they dislike how I label myself. and I can’t understand why ya know. do they think I'm insulting myself by saying I'm disabled? the only reason I can think of why they think “disabled” is automatically an insult is that deep down they have linked “being disabled” with “people that always will be less than quote-on-quote normal people no matter what circumstances.” of course you’ll view the word disabled as an insult if you think being disabled is the worst thing you could possibly be. I dunno know it just hurts to think about how the people around me view disability, and by extension me. and it’s even more crushing to know that people with visible disabilities must experience this type of unspoken discrimination way more.

Little Lucifer Info:

Age Range: 0-3 Years old

Caregiver: Alastor (Calls him Lu when verbal, which sounds like: "Wu!")

Babysitter: Charlie

Autistic: Mostly nonverbal when regressed, gets easily overwhelmed by his surroundings, and has a hard time letting his caregiver know when he needs or wants something

Hyperfixated on anything to do with ducks!

Milk extremely upsets his tummy and can cause severe meltdowns if the pain persists longer than a few minutes

Now he usually gets watered down apple juice(Happy hands or wiggles are to be expected whenever this happens)

Stranger Danger x1,000(Very clingy baby, but only to Alastor and on very rare occasions Charlie)

Dislikes loud or overly bright toys

Toys he can pull behind himself are his favorite

Likes to chew on his duck shaped crinkle fabric plush

Night terrors are the one thing that can cause him to immediately drop into a baby headspace for an unknown amount of time

Has a tiny bladder, but is too anxious to let his caregiver know he needs a change. (Unfortunately resulting in several painful rashes and the occasional UTI)

NONBINARY ACE LEBIANS UNITE!!

It doesn't matter what you look like, it doesn't matter how old u r, it just matters that u love urself

No better way to express yourself than to vent in your note app

Just walked out of a church meeting because the adults were arguing and being passive aggressive and it was scaring me, might fuck of and never show my face again

Man I fucking hate people everyone in choir, they're so mean to the other people (the noticeably autistic kids and the blind girl), they are so mean to them, the girl doesn't realize they're being mean to her and they don't stop when the others tell them, none of the teachers treat them like people it's so weird and upsetting but if I say something I'm scared they'll make me part of the joke and I can't go through being the punchline again

I have to make a fucking foldable for a major grade in English class, WHY?! I could easily do a multiple page essay with properly cited sources (this project is "so we learn how to cite correctly) like we're sophomores what the fuck do we need to be making a college level career pamphlet for?! Just have us write a damn essay this is so unnecessary and stressful! She thinks just because she gave us a week to do this it's MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME. ITS NOT, she talked every day for a fifth of the period expecting us to pay attention, and I'm in her loudest class and I have fucking ADHD and autism! I can't handle working in that class on a normal day much less one with no structure! And it's not like I can do it at home because it's right before finals so EVERYONE is giving us giant projects and I need sleep! I can't even work on my chrome book because it won't support the apps I need my family doesn't have the extra money to get me a decent computer or laptop and the school library is closed for fucking testing! I was just starting to be healthy and get sleep and eat a decent amount of food at regular times and not replace water with energy drinks and then this shit hits me like a bus! I hate school and I hope whoever makes this system goes through 10 times the mental and physical agony that american students and (most) teachers.

Anyone know why the school photographers make you take off your jacket/layered button down or headphones? Like these are things I wear everyday they're apart of me why do I have to take them off?

Who the fuck said it was a good idea to force kids to only have natural hair colors I swear to god I feel like I'm killing myself for someone who doesn't give a shit about me just so they can feel comfortable in their own little world it makes me want to kill myself because of them I hate school

My moms getting married today and "I'm surrounded by idiots."