Autistic - Blog Posts

i absolutely love looking at stimboards bc it's like a sweet treat for my eyes

yall my vocal stims want me jumped... I cannot help but go "FEIN" with an Elvis Presley impression like a popular tiktok audio.. It's sooo bad I say it in silent rooms and people side eye me.. I can't help the fact I listen to Elvis AND find a small portion of the fein jokes funny 😖 anyways the autism is too much bc anytime someone says "I'm here" the words "Okay All Might" fall out of my mouth.

I AM HERE‼️ WITH A NEW HYPERFIXATION

hey so 21-92% of autistic people who menstruate also have pmdd, and I think more people need to know of that (coming from an autistic transguy who also has pmdd, and had no idea of this until their then undiagnosed pmdd drove them to a breaking point)

filling out these because my sensory issues are not letting me sleep. ignore that im late and doing 14 days in one post

below read more bc long

April 1st: Do you have trouble recognizing emotions in either yourself or other people? Do you ever find it hard to tell how you're feeling or even to describe how you're feeling to other people? Have you ever had trouble properly expressing your feelings? Do you have trouble recognizing what other people are feeling? How does this make life difficult for you, if it does?

I can't really differentiate emotions besides them being positive and negative. Like I know when im upset and I know when im happy and that's about it. Others are similar, I can tell when they're upset and when they're happy but I can't make out specifics in emotions. I don't understand emotions either, I've never been able to "put myself in someone else's shoes." I try my best to comfort people, but it makes it very difficult, because I can't empathize in a typical way. Describing emotions I'm alright at according to my therapist, but that's really only after lots of psychology research and being a writer since I was four.

April 2nd: Dependence. How independent are you? Are you able to live alone? Have a caretaker? Live with a relative? Is there anything you need help with in your daily life? If you live alone, does being autistic make anything about it more difficult? Do you wish you lived with someone?

Okay, so im a teenager, so, by default I can't live alone. I'm somewhat dependent. I can do all bADLS, but it takes a lot of reminders as I often forget to do them. I struggle heavily or am unable to do iADLS but I blame that on me not being taught how to do them. I think I could be independent if I was given the right tools to be independent.

April 3rd: Talk about family. How are your relationships with your family members? Are they generally supportive of you as an autistic person? Are they accommodating to your needs? Does being autistic affect your familial relationships in any meaningful way?

I have a bad relationship with my mom but it's unrelated to my autism. My mom, my dad, and my brother are mostly understanding and supportive. My mom is also autistic so that helps me. My needs are not accommodated by them exactly, as my mom doesn't really let me advocate for myself, but my dad tries his best to get my mom to get me have a say in things.

April 4th: What are your current special interests if you have any? What are some positive ways having special interests have affected your life? What are some negative ways that they have affected your life? How long do they tend to last for you? You could even talk about past special interests if you want.

Writing, humans, computer science, natural disasters, healthcare, musical theatre, birds, alien stage, psychological horror, and anime.

April 5th: What are some ways that the neurotypical people in your life can help you specifically with the challenges you face as an autistic person? Ways they can accommodate you? How can neurotypical people help the autistic community as a whole?

Just be patient with me, please. I don't like it when im unable to talk either, I don't like it when I yell either, I don't like it when I'm accidentally rude either. People getting upset at me when my autism causes me to be in distress makes the distress worse, so please, just be patient. My individual needs are too large for me to list here, and ngl I don't feel comfortable putting that online, and no way in hell im gonna speak for the whole autistic community. I'm a low support needs afab white teenager, I can't understand what it's like to have any other kind of autism then my own.

April 6th: Talk about miscommunication. As autistic people communicating is something that is harder for us than neurotypical people, in what ways is communicating generally hard for you? Talk about how being autistic has led to an instance of miscommunication in the past. Talk about social blunders that you've made due to autism. Perhaps a situation where you misinterpreted something or where you said the wrong/insensitive thing.

I'm gonna steal the term my (also autistic) theatre teacher used, "Resting autism tone." I have resting autism tone so I seem rude a lot when im trying to be nice, because I am insanely monotone. I also have situational mutism and a stutter, so talking sucks sometimes. I use TTS at times and that helps me a lot. But even when typing, it's hard. I rely heavily on tone tags. I don't understand social cues at all so that causes a lot of miscommunications too.

April 7th: Have you had people treat you differently after you told them you were autistic? In what ways? How did you feel about it and what did you do?

Yeah. Sometimes it's infantilization and/or weird looks, but sometimes it's a "that makes sense" and then they treat me differently to accommodate me. That one's nice. The infantilization sucks. I'm not a little kid, me being autistic and a minor does not make me incapable, stop treating me like I am.

April 8th: Are you a creative person? What are the types of things you create? Do you think being autistic has any influence over the types of things you create or your creativity in general?

I'm an artist and a writer, and have been my entire life. It's helped me work through a lot of my problems caused by being autistic, because I don't understand my own problems, but I understand the ones of my characters. My autism influences my art and writing in so many ways because it's integral to who I am and I put a bit of myself in every single character I create. Also I have comorbid dyspraxia, so that affects my art.

April 9th: Do you struggle with mental health? Does being autistic affect your struggle with mental health? Do you have depression or anxiety and is it influenced by being autistic?

Yeah, I've got a lot of mental health issues. Depression, anxiety, addiction, ocd, pmdd, and ptsd. I may also have BPD but too young to say for sure. I won't get into the details of my mental health issues as it could be triggering, and also it's not something i want the whole world to know, but it's severe. You can blame autism comorbidities and a bad homelife for that. My therapist says that's the cause at least.

April 10th: Do you struggle with keeping up with physical health? Does being autistic affect it?

Yep. Literally procrastinating on getting medicine right now because I'm nervous about accidentally waking someone. I have a hard time with bADLS without reminders, as priorly mentioned. I have heart issues caused by dehydration because of it. PDA and comorbid OCD w/ an avoidance compulsion is a shit combo.

April 11th: What are some things that might come easy to neurotypical people, but which you either can't do or need help to do?

Cooking, cleaning, laundry, all sorts of chores, managing money, remembering basic self care, taking medications, tying my shoes, crochet, any sort of fine motor task tbh

April 12th: What are some social rules that you don't understand? Talk about it.

GENDER. My dad has explained to me why we have the social rule of gender like multiple times and I still hate it. WHY?? WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE IN A GENDER BOX?? Also why is me using a lot of punctuation considered rude. It adds whimsy. Let me live.

April 13th: Are you able to pick up when someone is flirting with you or alternatively when someone is flirting with someone else? Do you know how to flirt?

Yeah. I mean I have a BF, and I can tell when he flirts with me. I can flirt well but usually don't. I should flirt with my BF more-

April 14th: What are some of the most difficult aspects of being autistic to you? What makes it difficult? Talk about it.

Sensory issues. I hate constantly being overwhelmed by the smallest abnormality in senses. Actually, no, the worst part is the meltdowns. I have autistic meltdowns where I scream and cry and flail around and throw things and have no control over my actions, and it's scary. My mind is there, I know what I'm doing, but my body and mouth move on it's own. I hate it so much. Also the not being able to fit in like ever sucks.

Alright, that's all, I think. I'm gonna go take some medication for this fever I'm probably running then try to sleep. Thanks for reading :)

the elvis blog is getting to me. I was stimming a lot earlier (because I was excited about tomodachi life 2) and I was running in circles while repeating "woah mama" a bunch. it's a vocal stim now help

I got a new canopy :) this totally isn't an excuse to show off my favorite stuffed animals that I keep close to me when I sleep bc one of my special interests is plushies haha what. (Also musicals is one for me too and playbill blanket.) Shoutout to my lovely husband for crocheting me the bee that's pictured :]

doing all my homework in a few hour period that I was supposed to be working on over the past 3 weeks then letting myself engage in my hyperfixation as a little treat

One of my stims is spinning and I stimmed so hard I fell down and sprained my ankle. Why am I like this 💔

any other neurodivergent (mainly autism and/or adhd) people unable to consume content normally.

like my dad will just?? watch something and be like "yeah that was good" then move on?? And then there's me, who will consume something, stare at a wall for a bit, and then rapidly try to consume any content I can find of it. Fanart, fanfiction, c.ai bots, memes, youtube videos... and if I can't find any I get upset. And I rewatch/reread/etc it over and over again and obsess over it for days. It's not even a hyperfixation rn I am just unable to consume media normally

also why am I the only posts on the raining knives tag since 2020 where is the fandom this comic deserves a fandom wtf it's so good I need content of it pls my little audhd brain cannot /silly

having an autism meltdown all by yourself handsome?

happy autism awareness day to all the girls who had “ friends” growing up who were actually bullying them . to the girls who always sat alone in the grass and wondered why nobody wanted to talk . to the girls who spoke to animals like they were listening . to the girls who created a little world in their room . to the girls who always felt ashamed for how deeply they love things and how passionately they enjoyed media . to the girls who covered their ears when they were overwhelmed by everything . to the girls who carrying a special thing around to feel safe . to the girls who never understood what they did wrong to feel so lonely . to the girls who were diagnosed later in life because they weren’t little boys who liked trains. you are so special and beautiful and you’re not worse for it, you love deeply and that is so wonderful please never try to push that down . I LOVE YOU !!!!!

Sensory overload （ ; ; ）

I hate the world. It’s so hard to function. The big trip yesterday has left me feeling very overwhelmed and overstimulated and now I have another day at college. I feel like I’m two steps away from having a sensory overload! I hate how neurotypical the world is as it’s the most difficult place to function!

I wanna go back home and regress so I can safely cry my eyes out and feel as frustrated and overwhelmed as I want in a safe space. Then I’d have my stuffies for comfort and I could have a nap after all the crying and overwhelming feelings. I wanna be in little space so badly I don’t have a cg and I can’t tell my friends or family cause of what it is. Life feels so difficult for me at the moment and I hate it.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day/night and stay safe!

Update on my journey of learning to like tomatoes:

Today I put tomatoes on my salad! Which is a really big step for me, cause I've thought for years that would just be something that I would NOT be able to eat. Top of the list of "I don't like tomatoes so this is something I will never be able to have"

Well I did it.

And goddamn I'm proud!!

I say this with love: trying to communicate effectively with Neurotypicals is so strange.

Asked the pharmacist a question about lozenges for a sore throat and while I was (paraphrased) asking "Can I take more than 1 lozenge because sometimes the first one doesn't coat the spot that's a little bit sore (read: kinda scratchy and a little bit irritated)" she seemed to understand my question as "Hey, my throat hurts so badly that I need to take multiple lozenges to fix it, what should I use?" despite me reiterating it didn't hurt, it was just sore, and that I didn't need something stronger, just that I needed something to coat it better.

Does 'sore' and 'hurt' really mean the same thing to them? Cause in my brain, sore is a mild inconvenience, but hurt is something that needs immediate attention. I don't get it

the neurodivergent experience:

20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333

80% of the time: this mind is a prison

I love rediscovering my old interests bc I already know stuff about it but I get to learn/remember them again and fall in love with them on a deeper level

I think some of you forgot that autistic people sometimes act strange and say things that are poorly worded and speak with incorrect tone and misunderstand or miss social cues because they are autistic

How have I been on tumblr for 3 years and 8 months but I haven't even posted anything yet?? I've decided to change that rn for no apparent reason other than It's late and I'm bored and don't wanna go to sleep lol

A little intro abt me:

I'm queer and use they/them pronouns. I write on ao3 sometimes, acc: yooniedae (link at the bottom). My native language isn't English but I'll try my best to not make too many mistakes.

Most of the time, however, I just obsess over my special interests, and that's mostly what I wanna do on here as well as basic rants and spamming whenever I feel like it.

As my username suggests I'm a supernatural fan and autistic (and hc Cas as autistic bc c'mon, hence the username). In addition, I also love bts, art, psychology, mdzs, the marauders era, criminal minds and shoot from the hip (a new special interest I've found and I love them sm). I'm also an avid shipper at heart (e.g., taekook, yoonmin, destiel, wolfstar, wangxian, etc.). Basically just anything queer and/or psychological ig lol

I plan on also sharing links to my fics on here (whenever I post them lol, it's more of a hobby so they'll be very sparse). You don't need to read them, I just like to share them bc usually I like them at least a little bit.

But yeah, that's about all I can think of rn, I'm gonna go back to finishing spn s15 bc no I have not finished it yet smh (but I have gotten spoiled so I know what happens).

Here's my ao3 account for anyone interested:

got excited about hormones the other day (at 3:29 in the morning)

14 y.o. me, finding out that autism can be a reason to decline gender affirming surgeries and transition in general: well i guess it makes sense doctors probably know what they do

20 y.o. me, randomly remembering this not-so-fun fact: wait, that's fucked up

me, after leaning that been absolutely drained after most of the social interaction to the point where i can't properly function and been in my own head 24/7 is not in fact been introverted and nerdy: oh, who would've guessed

to be honest i don't really like that sometimes representation makes autistic people look like just silly little dudes who all that colourful and happy

like okay sure autistic people have a right to be happy and enjoy things but i wanna see the not-so-happy part of life. yeah, people portray stuff like going nonverbal and sensory overload and all that. but what about those time when you have to shut up mid sentense because you don't wanna sound rude? when you choose to stay silent and exclude yourself from conversations? when you over think what you all the time? when you feel to much and people keep trying to talk to you and you need to shove your feelings down because otherwise you will snap at them? when you have to prepare yourself for hours to simply answer the text from a friend? when something out of your control happens and it changes all your routine and you just sitting there trying not to cry? when your family forget to tell you that you all going to visit relatives and you have 0 time to prepare yourself?

i'm gonna be honest with you: been neurodivergent sucks but lack of opportunity to see people struggling with the same shit sucks more

happy autism awareness day to all the girls who had “ friends” growing up who were actually bullying them . to the girls who always sat alone in the grass and wondered why nobody wanted to talk . to the girls who spoke to animals like they were listening . to the girls who created a little world in their room . to the girls who always felt ashamed for how deeply they love things and how passionately they enjoyed media . to the girls who covered their ears when they were overwhelmed by everything . to the girls who carrying a special thing around to feel safe . to the girls who never understood what they did wrong to feel so lonely . to the girls who were diagnosed later in life because they weren’t little boys who liked trains. you are so special and beautiful and you’re not worse for it, you love deeply and that is so wonderful please never try to push that down . I LOVE YOU !!!!!

While Apple Sauce seems to have people’s attention

I think the autism spectrum should look like a spider web that way everyone has their own little individual spot on it

I don't like the line because I see it and think it's the autismometer

I HATE BEING AUTISTIC Σヽ(ﾟДﾟ; )ﾉ

the neurodivergent experience:

20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333

80% of the time: this mind is a prison

This will be kind of meditation.

I would like to say to myself especially about my brain. I am the smartest.

No, I am very smart. Indeed. The way my brain works horribly diabolically different. In some peaceful environment, I most definitely look perfect. But I am really really fragile and I would like if you view me respectfully. My brain has OCD but big major way it works is that it doesn’t have survivor as direct priority. When it tries to use thought process it makes millions decisions to “improve” final outcome, in other words I am not satisfied until I get major damage repair or problem solution, that means I will keep walking through a rope on top of a flagship in the wind to search for solutions. Very often I end up looking differently, expanding my horizon and gaining relevant knowledge to solve the problem. But I get in such way that the brain encourages risky paths more. More time consumption, more work, less power. Yara yara…

When other people have flaws or weaknesses, it’s easier for me to see them, hell it’s super easy. Each one of them, there’s million issues I can pick up on however I am more of an eye. Making logical decisions is definitely my forte also abstract reality is …. Unbearable, my ocd hates making abstract decisions that put me in disadvantage. That cynical pattern behavior has been true all the times. Sometimes, between two somewhat good decisions or two identical ones my brain doesn’t comprehend not making tough choice anymore…

I am too used to keep improving a decision until perfectly satisfied.

I understand flaw in that logic. How do I move from here? How do I live more like normies? To me, it is mental brainhell.

Being stupid seems to be bad. Being too smart makes you stupider than an idiot. Being smart in general doesnt seem to be useful survival skill. Real friends are only ones who can make my life happier.

I just found out yesterday that the httyd audiobooks are free on youtube and I'm already on book 4

@howtopostanaudiobook on YouTube (they also have the 1st 2 books of the wizards of once)