To Save A Wretch Like Me

Pop the Trunk

My life fits in the trunk of a civic

as i slide down this highway

miles pass with minutes

the separation of past and present

a stark reminder of reality

of time space and missed

opportunities it seems that

plans fall through and who’s

to say what comes but may today

be the way to tomorrow

yesterday says hello to memory

and so it goes as we toast to the old

and bring in the new it’s

true i am scared of the future

and you can’t pretend that you don’t

feel the same we all have our

boxes inside our trunks

no one can comprehend but us

so i drive my civic and

take my life from point a to point b

trying to tell myself that somehow

i’ll see where i’m going.

Addiction

Kiss me until it’s cliché and

I’ll tell you I hate you. Drugs

will kill me. Too bad I’m addicted.

You are the lemon in my tea.

Squeeze into my wounds.

The sting makes me love you more.

Our warmth chills me to the bone.

A yarn sweater unraveling

as you pull mine off in the

backseat of your car,

idling in my empty driveway

when I get home.

This end is a beginning

for better and for worse.

Lover, I cannot stand you.

I will run from this bi-polar

love affair. Run into your arms.

Give me a kiss. Push me away.

Even the unending waves must

come and go with the tide,

pulsing steam on frozen windows.

Que Sera, Sera

The vanilla-cinnamon scent of your sweat lingers

as your lips taste the salty-sweet strawberry of my thighs,

pale pink against the dark upholstery of your car.

The shadow of the church steeple looms outside,

casting fiery judgment as your hot breath finds the place

it is needed most. Gasps drown out the crickets chirping

in the warm spring night among the dandelions and

wildflowers. We are lost together, happy to wander

hand in hand. You catch my breath and I lose your mind.

Intertwined and indistinguishable, finding our way

through unfamiliar territory. Skin against

skin, heart to heart, I grasp you tight.

You take me there.

A Reaction in Four Parts

When I asked if this was what you wanted,

you wouldn’t give an answer. The cancer

of uncertainty gnaws at my muddled

mind as I look back and wonder if all

this time was just a game when I saw you

in goodnights and birthdays and holidays

and futures. What sutures do you use to

close the wounds of unanswered thoughts? Perhaps

the good is lost in the bitter flavor.

  When I asked if this was what you wanted,

you responded with anger. A stranger

emerged, unwilling to talk, to give a

glimpse of what was beyond the steely stare.

I’d praise you for your perseverance, your

unwavering commitment to this last

decision, if only I could know my

words would even be heard. No pity in

your words, to make letting go easier.

  When I asked if this was what you wanted,

there was sadness in your tone, screaming through

the words that reluctantly emerged. I

could feel that you felt the pain that you dealt,

even as you said it didn’t matter.

Your subtle silences spoke volumes. This

was special. We were special. But that can’t

matter when you know that special can not

overcome unconcluded history.

  When I asked if this was what you wanted,

you wouldn’t give an answer, because the

answer is clear: what we must do is not

always what we want.

Sunset Over Atlantic

The tan line on my ring finger has faded,

just another reminder of the time we’ve lost

since that day at the beach when my ring

washed away with the tide. We couldn’t afford

to replace it. Maybe I should have taken that as

a sign.

Track 5

Hard rock as            the door lock slides

   slowly into place, drowning out the

memory of your               face before you

         stepped over the threshold. The

timing was wrong              but I had hoped we

    would fight to save what wasn’t yet

broken. Now           headless dolls stumbling

  aimlessly across the toy box are what

we have become.            Too far even to run

 back into ear shot. Turn the music up.

The Boy That Never Was

There’s a candle in my window for

the boy who never was.

It flickers just as brightly as

the laughter in his eyes. The warmth

inside his heart is matched by nothing

but the flame, and the tiny drips

of melted wax, intricate as his mind.

The candle burns to mourn this boy,

the one I could have loved.

He may have lived - this boy, indeed.

But mine he never was.

Sunset Over Atlantic

The tan line on my ring finger has faded,

just another reminder of the time we’ve lost

since that day at the beach when my ring

washed away with the tide. We couldn’t afford

to replace it. Maybe I should have taken that as

a sign.

T-Minus 21

Twenty-one guns in a sudden burst

he is number six and comes with

a false sense of security and unexpected

endings at no extra cost

run through the flowers to fall off the cliff

  Twenty past birth and settling too young

he is number five and he is easy he is

there he is sweet and he is kind

but he is not wanted

there is no hurt when the time runs out

  Nineteen and accelerating fast

he is number four and he is nothing she

has known before or ever expected

it’s only perfect to a point

so the crash and burn is all the harder

  Eighteen is self-centered and self-loathing

he is number three and he makes her feel

good but he is nothing that she wants

and little that she needs

it breaks her heart to crush his devotion

  Seventeen owns naivete in every color

he is number two and he takes the pale pink

of unearned trust and stains it dark red

with sudden abandonment

it is her first lesson in one-sided love

  Sixteen sweet doesn’t know any better

he is number one and he is her sun

and she is burned by his brilliance

brightness masking flaws

he is the high that will always be chased

  Fifteen to One and more lifetime lived

than the rest combined but somehow less

if they knew what was coming

Perhaps

they wouldn’t have rushed.

To Tokyo, With Love

Long lost lover living out

of sight, out of mind. I find myself

forgetting how it was to lay

eyes upon you, to lay beside

the water, to feel the soft caress

of your whispered words on my

waiting ear. Lover half a world away,

I no longer remember the sharp

glint of your smile, the sensuous

depth of your laughter. All I remember

Is your impossible perfection. Absence

makes the heart grow ill, poisons

memories to be larger than

love. Stay away lover, I fear

you’ll rob me of my love for your

image. I have broken a commandment;

I idolize your memory above you.