Latest Posts by lady-loki-silvertongue - Page 3

I carry around a lot of random stuff.

Levy, DMing: You lose your balance and fall backwards. As you land, you hear something in your bag break.

Gajeel, remembering he had four jars of live bees in his bag: Oh no.

Harley: F*ck Flash, he’s being a dick, I’m gonna steal his car.

Peter: you can’t do that! it’s illegal! You shouldn’t do anything that’s illegal, it’s wrong!

Harley: Why are you acting so high and mighty? you’re a vigilante, that’s illegal too.

Peter: It’s only illegal when you get caught. And unlike you, I don’t get caught.

So Zeus without all his dick children

Hey not to sound evil, but if I had the power to cast lightnin bolt on anyone I wanted, I'd use it on people who inconvenience me even slightly

Pepper

No one else does anything on the same level as Pepper fucking Potts

who did it best tho 😂

Everyone proceeds to look at him weird

Peter: My parents died when I was a child, I watched my Uncle get shot and everyday’s despair when I go out at night

Flash: Penis, what the fuck?!

Peter: You’ll know what I’m talking about soon enough

Also Peter as Spider-Man at a press conference: I promised my class I would explain a comment I made after being told to write about our happiest childhood memory. So here it is. *takes mask off*

Mr Harrington: today's activity is easy! Just write about your happiest childhood memory!

Peter: my what now

Freed and Bickslow turn around hearing a crunch.

Laxus: My mouth is a candy crush

Freed internally screaming in indecipherable gay

Freed: Gentle reminder to not eat too much candy before bed.

Bickslow: No.

Freed: This was a gentle reminder, yet your words of defiance full me with ungodly rage.

Not Marvel. Funny though

bakugou: we are all michelangelo painting the sistine chapel ceiling

uraraka: ...explain?

bakugou: stressed, broke, gay

Avengers as stupid shit my friends have said

Clint: That’s not a watermelon, that’s a fetus!

Nat: You shoulda kicked him in the nuts

Tony: You know what I is!

Also Tony: I’m a vagina expert

Sam to Bucky: Too painful to date

Bruce: In space there’s always a bigger rock

Wanda: Troublesome gay

Peter when someone says don’t fail: I fail at everything

Shuri: And not get pushed off roofs by furries

Bucky: So last night I ditched my friends and made an accurate representation of my soul. Cold, hard, black, shiny stone. Also somewhat damaged and incomplete.

Scott: I can’t believe they landed on me having sex! I mean get a room!

Pepper: Thanks, I hate it

Steve: I’m American

Peter from the other room: I thought you were a lesbian!

Carol: Okay who here isn’t gay?

Hope: Thanks, wish you weren’t here

Vision: I’ve tested positive for gay

Loki (even though technically not an Avenger): I LOVE STABBING CHILDREN!!

Tchalla: I ripped it apart with my bare hands!

Thor, clueless: What’s a handjob?

This has been queued for 357 days. Worth the wait

MCU as Quotes vol. 10: Movies as John Mulaney

Iron Man: “This might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”

The Incredible Hulk: “I don’t even have a joke for that. That’s how much I hate that shit.”

Iron Man 2: “And I had that thought that only black out drunks and Steve Urkel can have: ‘Did I do that?’”

Thor: “I need everybody, all day, to like me so much.”

Captain America: The First Avenger: “I am very small, and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress I’m under.”

The Avengers: “Do my friends hate me, or do I just need to go to sleep?”

Iron Man 3: “I have a girlfriend now, which is strange because I’m probably gay.”

Captain America: The Winter Soldier: “And now there’s nazis again. *disgusted and confused face*”

Guardians of the Galaxy: “We’re all gonna die, Street Smarts!”

Avengers: Age of Ultron: “The world is run by robots, and sometimes they ask us if we’re robots just because we’re trying to see our own stuff.”

Ant Man: “FUCK DA POLICE”

Captain America: Civil War: “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.”

Doctor Strange: “Look at these curvy letters! More curvy than most, wouldn’t you say? You look mortal, if ye be! You look!”

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2: “None of us really know our fathers… anyway,”

Spider-Man: Homecoming: “I look back at being seventeen and I think 'oh god, how did I not die?’”

Thor: Ragnarok: “I am homeless, I am gay, I have aids, I’m new in town.”

Black Panther: The whole “horse in a hospital” bit

Avengers: Infinity War: “The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with the fact that you still fail at it a lot of the time.”

Ant Man and The Wasp: “My wife’s a bitch and I like her so much!”

Captain Marvel: “I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video, which is a very old fashioned sentence.”

Avengers: Endgame: “Brush your teeth, now - boom! Orange juice. That’s life.”

Spider-Man: Far From Home: “And I go 'Can I please go home? On an airplane?” And they go 'No! In fact, we’re gonna frame you for murder!“

“What do you know about infectious diseases?” -teacher

“They spread” -person

“Does that make sluts diseases?” -me

This is precious

“Does anybody else know?” 

“Nobody”

Everyone needs somebody so I gave Peter a dog. 

What’s the procedure?

me when a mutual messages me: ok now be cool, JUST be FUCking cool for once in ur daMN LIFE don’t be so FUCKing weird

Ned: Oh shit.

Peter: Don’t swear around May!

May: Oh, no it’s fi-

Ned: Mamma Mia that’s a spicy meatball!

May: You know what just say fuck

Bucky: Nice hands, Nat.

Nat: Thanks?

Bucky: But they'd look better around my-

Sam: BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE! PRAISE RHE LORD JESUS! AMEN!

Todoroki: I’m pretty sure you broke the hero code as well

Iida: Wait! We can't break school rules!

Midoriya: Iida, we've broken the law.

😂

Bruce, to Shuri and Peter: listen up, teens. There's nothing meme about smoking cigarettes. It's not "Netflix and chill" to do a drug. Fidget spin yourself into church

Clint: There’s only four ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way, the Nat way, and the Clint way.

Rest of the Avengers : ???

Clint: The Nat way is the faster way to the right way, the Clint way just creates another problem to cover the original problem, which leads to a snowball of problems no one understands.

Black Pirate Dude

-unironically wears a trench coat

-“I’m not mad just disappointed”

-god tier sceptic

-dramatic flare the size of the fucking sun

-I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me

-Badass TM

The Avengers: a summary

Thot

- majestic - good hair - straight ally - total feminist - Better Than You - best brother

America’s Ass

- t h i c c - disaster bisexual - literal golden retriever - n i p p l e s - sad about the bae

Tony Stank

- the literal definition of adhd - runs on coffee and cocaine - judging you - terrible boyfriend, pretty good husband - “3000? thAt’S cRaZy”

angry grinch

- weed dealer - always angry - anxiety - too tired to be stark’s best friend

bird 1

- actual disaster - weirdly nice arms - married?????? - actually not in love with black widow - probably has tried to steal a dog at least once

mama spider

- will kill - terrifying - somehow always looks amazing - steve rogers’ relationship advisor - love? for children

bird 2

- supersoldier babysitter - everyone’s favourite - done - to the left - hates his bestie’s boyfriend - not problematic in the slightest - actual angel there is nothing wrong with him whatsoever

quippy black best friend

- somehow hasn’t killed tony stark yet - was just put there for comic relief but now everyone loves him - the best character in endgame - troll

bonky

- chaotic gay - sad - good hair - still annoyed at his husband for something that happened in 1943 - power bottom

spiderling

- baby - was immediately adopted - definitely trans - gen z - wants to die

“Not you”

And Carol walks in the door drinking Starbucks.

Peter: *comes home at 2 am*

Tony: where were you?

Peter: with cap

Cap: *turns his chair * wanna try again?

Clearly you don’t know Johnny Storm

Clint, after being drenched in gasoline: Oh no. Fire is my only weakness.

Y/N: Yeah, fire is everyone’s weakness.

Y/N: It’s fucking fire.

Everyone needs to see this

Yo baby peter parkerr, how about a headcannon of peter saying ok boomer to Tony xD

•  Peter 100% uses “ok boomer” all the time. He uses it and Tony is genuinely confused.

peter: ok boomer.

tony:

•  Peter will use it both as a sarcastic response to being told to do something he doesn’t want, and as an enthusiastic response. He likes being a meme, but he also doesn’t hate Tony like we all hate (shitty) boomers.

tony: hey, kid, would you pass me that screwdriver over there—

peter, already sprinting to get the screwdriver: oK BOOMER!!! 🧡💕💝💝🧡💖❤️🧡💕

tony: what the actual fuck

•  You can FEEL the heart emojis when he gives an enthusiastic “ok boomer” That said, when he’s truly upset with Tony, he’ll give a snarky, “ok boomer.” It’s like… the difference between when you receive a text that has a period and one that has an exclamation point. Like “ok!” vs “ok.” It’s tangible.

tony: whAT DID I DO WRONG WHY IS HE MAD

•  Eventually, Tony picks up on the habit. He finds himself wanting to say, “ok boomer,” whenever Pepper gets on his case. Once or twice he gets super close to actually saying it.

tony: oh god it’s contagious

•  But then one day it’s Steve who says something annoying and he stands there like

steve: the way you’re behaving is childish. you need to start taking the team seriously. if you don’t step your game up, people are going to get hurt. are you seriously that self centered that you’re okay with that? clean up your act, tony.

tony, internally: oh god he was born in like the early 1900s he’s the closest thing to a boomer we have on the team oh my god I could utterly destroy him with a crisp “ok boomer” peter would be so proud oh god the opportunity is perfect I’m VIBRATING with excitement oh gOD

tony, monotone: ok boomer

tony, internally: THIS IS MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT

•  Peter stands in the background cheering, and the scene looks Iike

Oof