Two Thoughts I Had In Tandem This Morning

me wishing me and the stinky weren't long distance

holy shit i need to be held so bad

I don't need to explain myself.

thanks keyboard, when I accidentally typed hest instead of best I totally wanted the hest (norwegian word for horse) emoji

they were the blueprint

Me: So yeah, casual english has completely changed since then. Nowadays instead of 'There was a crying baby on the bus today' you would say 'Me when I'm in a being loud and annoying competition and my opponent is crying baby on bus.' And then you'd post this picture of Squidward. Oh, uh, Squidward is a guy from a cartoon-"

Reanimated Corpse of John Wilkes Booth: *Has been staring angrily at a penny for the last 15 minutes and not listened to a word I've said*

neil....oiled up.... underneath the tree....

NO YOU DONT YOU DO NOT THINK YOUVE NEVER HAD A FUCKING THOUGHT IN YOUR LIFE

if someone told me my blood smelled and tasted good i would be over the moon. this is on account of my nature