She Knew He Never Meant To, And That Just Made It Worse. He Loved Love, Which Had Once Been Something

Maybe it was the escapism from the harshness that was often her own reality, but Leyla had found solace, education, and a sense of belonging in books for as long as she could remember. A bookstore or library had an otherworldly sense to it at times, like the world could be shut out, an invisible sign on the door that read 'bad things, keep out.' "I've read a few of her others, My Sister's Keeper and Nineteen Minutes, but I'm sort of rediscovering at the moment. All I've read as of recently is business- or entrepreneur-related, so before my roommates stage a workaholic intervention, I thought I'd add in some pleasure reading. Have you read the Scarpetta series? It's American Crime from Patricia Cornwell. Or someone at the Beach Bash recommended the Bridgerton books to me, if you enjoy a bit of spice."

Summer had always been picky when it came to her reading choices, usually wanting something more gripping to start off with but every once in a while she would pick up something outside of her scope and actually enjoy it; "I think I've read this, or maybe it was a movie that I saw" perhaps it was both; "Are you new to her work?" questioning the other before answering her question; "I have read her work before maybe only once with My Sisters Keeper but I am not quite sure exactly what is on my mind when it comes to a new book, what suggestions do you have?" / @leyla-tehrani

alyssasutterstylist “@boosheri ➰ chic in @theory__”

A laugh bubbled from her as her latest customer popped up, almost literally. It was like the sunshine coming in through the window was right in front of her. Besides, Leyla liked when people treated this the same as any bar, made her feel more like she was Sam Malone in Cheers. "You seem a girl who likes a seasonal specialty," she replied, a touch playfully, "so I would say our Pumpkin Pie Martini mocktail or my personal favorite at the moment, which is the Autumn Spice. But I'm a sucker for a cinnamon flavor, paired with the cloves and nutmeg, it's the season in a glass."

WHO: Nari & @leyla-tehrani

WHERE: Mawk Tales

WHEN: September, 2023

"Alright, hit me," Nari swung onto one of the bar stools, tucking her legs underneath herself, feet finding perch on the run as she looked up at the menu behind the bar. There were far too many good drinks to choose from, something that she had learned a long time ago, but that was why it paid to have a bartender to help you out -- at least Leyla would know what to suggest. Hopefully. Or maybe she would just flounder her way through trying whatever looked good on the menu. "What's the best option for a girl like me?"

"You're welcome," she said softly, "I actually picked this up at What's The Tea recently. Their tea is really fantastic." Watching as he grabbed a fork for his fruit, she then placed the teapot on the stove to heat the water. "I'm the employee I have to tell to go home," she offered with a bit of a laugh, "and still keep working." She had always been bad about giving up control, still trying to do absolutely everything herself. "I always liked school--well, the work part anyway." She was about to ask about the fun of lesson planning when he answered that himself. "Words easily blend together after a while, right?" She perked up at the mention of the dogs, her favorite roommates in all honesty. "If you ever need help with them, someone to check on them while you're in class or something, I love dogs."

"Thanks," he offered her a bright smile in return, before locating a fork, deciding not to be a total barbarian that afternoon and picking at the fruit in the bowl, chewing through a piece of pineapple thoughtfully. "Makes sense. You're your own boss, and you best employee, right?" Unless she had someone else who did the dirty work! And even then, she probably still deserved a raise. "I do, at the community college," he nodded. "This is the time of year where I start gearing up to teach again, hence the snack break. Lesson plans are only fun for so long," which could be sad about any type of work, he was sure. "That, and I gotta take the dogs out in a few."

Dunkirk (2017) dir. Christopher Nolan

TASK #10: GET BOLD

WHERE DO THEY FIT IN

financial / class status: wealthy | middle class | poor

grew up: wealthy | middle class | poor

health / wellness: fit/healthy | moderate | disabled | ill

education: below high school | high school | college | beyond (master's)

legalities: clean record | has a record | trouble / prison

town status: local | new in town (since May 2023) | somewhere in between

lives: downtown | suburbs | coast | countryside

FAMILY LIFE

parents: alive | deceased | unknown

came to be: blood | adopted | other

siblings: multiple siblings | one sibling | only child

extended family: large (aunts, uncles, cousins) | small | none

children: none | has children | wants children

relationship status: single | complicated | taken

if taken: dating | relationship | engaged | married

if single: looking | not looking | whatever happens

pets: no pets | has pets | wants pets

PERSONALITY STUFF

extroverted | introverted | somewhere in between

organized | disorganized | somewhere in between

close minded | open minded | somewhere in between

calm | anxious | somewhere in between

easy to get along with | not so much | somewhere in between

cautious | reckless | somewhere in between

patient | impatient | somewhere in between

outspoken | reserved | somewhere in between

leader | follower | somewhere in between

empathetic | careless | somewhere in between

optimistic | pessimistic | somewhere in between

traditional | modern | somewhere in between

hard-working | lazy | somewhere in between

cultured | uncultured | somewhere in between

BELIEFS AND IDEALS

are they: religious (sort of) | agnostic | atheist

do they believe in ghosts / spirits: yes | no | unsure

the afterlife: yes | no | unsure

reincarnation: yes | no | unsure

aliens: yes | no | unsure

astrology: yes | no | unsure

fate: yes | no | unsure

SEX, ROMANCE & RELATIONSHIPS

sexuality scale: allosexual | in between | asexual | other

romantic scale: allromantic | in between | aromantic | other

experience: virgin | very little | moderate | experienced

number of partners: 0 | 1-5 | 5-10 | 10-25 | 25+

number of relationships: 0 | 1-5 | 10-25 | 25+

preferred partners: men | women | any gender | other | none

relationships: monogamous | polyamorous | other | none

with others: relationship person | casual sex (though less so now) | other | none

in bed: traditional sex | adventurous (potentially with the right person, she'd need to feel safe) | kinks/fetishes | other

ABILITIES AND SKILLS

cooking: good | in between | bad

cleaning: good | in between | bad

musical ability: good | in between | bad

artistic skills: good | in between | bad

driving: good | in between | bad

athleticism: good | in between | bad

swimming: good | in between | bad

horseback riding: good | in between | bad

fishing / hunting: good | in between | bad

gardening: good | in between | bad

communication: good | in between | bad

handiness: good | in between | bad

handwriting: good | in between | bad

technology: good | in between | bad

HABITS, GOOD & BAD

alcohol: excess | frequently | average | infrequently | never

smoking: excess | frequently | average | infrequently | never

pot/weed: excess | frequently | average | infrequently | never (now but tried it before)

drugs: excess | frequently | average | infrequently | never

shopping: excess | frequently | average | infrequently | never

gambling: excess | frequently | average | infrequently | never

sex: excess | frequently | average | infrequently | never

The cutest™

Vitus hadn't built the walls, those were under construction long before him, but he'd been the one to slide under as it sealed shut. Like an action hero. Then, his betrayal had simply melded it in place. Opening up would mean pain, and no amount of therapy had successfully opened the cage that protected her heart, her very brittle, fragile heart.

She hadn't meant to break him--or maybe she had. But she had meant every word. Sleepless nights spent at his side pressing all the broken pieces back together, solid when he shook, warm when he was too exhausted to fall easily into dreams, a breath when he couldn't find air. There was never anywhere else she wanted to be. The irony of the Lighthouse in view wasn't lost on her. She had tried to be a light in the storm, a guide back home. Even when it got complicated, it was easy. And it wasn't enough.

She wanted answers. Answers he couldn't offer, ones she wasn't even sure would make her feel better. "Deep breaths," she whispered, cursing herself for showing him any mercy. She had sworn to herself she wouldn't if they were ever to cross paths again, but they were the same broken. "You need to find out why," she said, "the people you'll keep hurting until you do, they deserve that."

His promise that he did love her went unacknowledged because she did know he had, but it hadn't been real. Real love, if it existed, did not do what he did. She simply chose to no longer believe. Part of her would have given him her hand, let him find comfort in it. In her. But she couldn't, she had to protect herself first. No one else was going to.

"Please stop saying sorry," she breathed out, a single stray tear sliding down her cheek unchecked, "you had reason to worry, and I know I have punished you enough. But I don't want your apology. You broke my heart, you broke my trust, you made my nightmare a reality. Someone newer, shinier, thinner, prettier, more exciting, whatever it was. I know you said it wasn't me, and I know that, but you can see how I'll struggle with that anyway, right? I asked you for faithfulness, a lot of other people make different arrangements. You could have just told me you didn't want to do that anymore." She was circling back to the question that screamed in echos within her mind. Why, why, why. And there was no why. With an exhale, she let it go out with the waves retreating back into the ocean. At least for now. "Deep breaths, Vitus, take deep breaths."

Vitus had hoped for something softer, with her, after all these years. Time had a way of doing that—taking the bite out of memories, until the once-visceral pain turned phantom, like a long-gone limb. But Leyla's eyes didn't melt into her core like his own did. Her voice didn't compress and fold itself over, bowing under the weight of him. No, Leyla remained as hardened and sharp as the day he lost her.

Out on the beach in broad daylight, the last event of summer buzzing around him, Vitus was trying his best not to cry. But then she said that—You were easy to love. Why wasn't that enough?—and the thing in his chest quit howling long enough to crumble. It punched a shuddering breath out of his lungs. Vitus wrapped his arms around himself, trying to stabilize, as the first tears finally tipped over and fell down his face.

He had never thought himself easy to love, but especially not when he was in his twenties, and especially not when they met. Leyla had held him on the bathroom floor while his hands shook, on the tail end of a coke comedown. She'd seen him crawl into bed at four in the morning, exhausted and empty after draining sessions with his clients. She'd let him cry into the cradle of her neck after a day's worth of panic attacks as he tried to build a new place in his life for his parents. And through it all, she'd loved him. She'd loved him, she'd loved him. And he'd loved her too, because she knew what it was, to live like that. To be shredded and unwilling to look at her pieces long enough to reassemble them.

And yet. He'd still cheated on her. And then he'd done it again, and again, and again, to other partners that came after her. How many people had come up against his fever, promised to love him through it, only to end up burning to death in his arms?

"I don't... know. I mean, yes, but it wasn't you," he said again, speaking through the guilt pouring down his cheeks. Vitus pawed at his face, if only to save her the sight of him like that, but it didn't quite work. "Nothing is ever enough. I don't know why. I wish I could tell you, but I don't—Something in me is just—" He gestured at his sternum, trying to indicate the ache in there, the beast that had been demanding more more more for as long as he could remember. "I know how much you loved me. And I loved you like that too. I really did."

To make matters worse—Leyla's lips quivered, too, and Vitus immediately wanted to step forward. He wanted to reach, offer his open palm to her, say what can I give you? just like he did the night they met. He didn't. He stayed in place, battered by guilt over the fact that he had broken her so severely ten years ago that she still didn't believe in love, still couldn't talk to him without crying.

"I'm sorry. I'm really glad you're doing better. I worried about you, a lot, after—" A sniffle. Another hand across his face, as if he could wipe his identity right off of himself, bury it in the sand, and start fresh as someone new. "I'm so sorry, Leyla. I know it can't fix anything. But I just—I never stopped being sorry."

Though Leyla did not have much of a sweet tooth, she was in the area to find the cat cafe and thought she might go for a small cup of something. Perking up as she heard the woman next to her murmur something about a bad day and cookie dough, Leyla offered her a supportive smile and a shrug to her question. "Will you judge me if I say vanilla?" She asked, knowing most people did have a true favorite ice cream. Cookie dough in ice cream, though, did sound like the makings of a sugar high for days, but she didn't tell the disappointed woman that. "I don't eat a lot of sweets. All of these flavors are actually making my head spin a little."

who: kennedy & open [ 2 / 5 ]

where: the creamery

Kennedy had a particularly stressful day, running around town doing errands for an upcoming wedding. She knew what she was getting herself into when taking the job, but she still found herself a bit overwhelmed from time to time. So she decided to treat herself to some ice cream, knowing she had a bit of a sweet tooth and deciding to indulge in it as some type of reward after the hectic day. Glancing at the flavors, she noticed they were out of her favorite flavor. "This day just keeps getting worse," she mumbled to herself and glanced over at the person also waiting in line. "What's your favorite flavor? They're out of cookie dough which should be constituted as a crime." she was joking of course. "But if you say mint chocolate chip, I will be judging you."

"Yeah, simple switch for that one," she said. Being self-taught in the most of the ways of mixology in the last couple of years when she decided on her business idea, she was happy to share the knowledge. "I'd be happy to teach you," she offered, "which is probably terrible as a business model, but if you're wanting the alcohol version, it's not direct competition." The flight option was one of her personal favorites, but she liked the ability to sample a menu. "There's no alcohol, not a drop in the whole place," she assured, "we are fully non-alcoholic, so no back up plans needed, no hangovers the next day, just a great time."

"Oh, that's easy enough to remember." Ryn nodded, listening at the comment of replacing the syrup with the liquor. She wasn't the most knowledgeable when it came to alcohol or mixing things together, but the other seemed to be much more knowledgeable and Ryn was thankful she'd gotten to listen to her. "I'll have to see if I can find the stuff and make my own at home." she spoke. "Though, I'm thinking you'd just be much better at it then I would, so, maybe I just need to come out there anytime I want something fancy." she laughed. At the mention of the flight option, Ryn inhaled in excitement. "Ooh, yeah. Definitely have to come out and try that. Though, I need to ask, do you do flights of mixed non-alcoholic and alcoholic there? Because if not, I may need to be sure I have a backup plan." she laughed. "I haven't drank anything alcohol related in awhile, so, I can't promise I won't be a lightweight."