“Can I Touch Your Butt” In Elvish.

the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.

why is barbie’s the nutcracker the only good film adaption of the nutcracker that has ever been made

omg my mom just came into my room and told me that I’m spending too much time on the internet so she told me “I’m sorry I have to do this but its for your own good…” and then she proceeded to delete the internet explorer icon from my desk stop I’m laughing so hard I’m gonna piss myself omfg 

Man Successfully Controls 2 Prosthetic Arms With Just His Thoughts

Les Baugh is the first bilateral shoulder-level amputee to wear two Modular Prosthetic Limbs at once, according to the researchers. 

For more on the incredible science behind this prosthetic innovation go here. 

(GIF Source: JHU Applied Physics Laboratory)

me: i’m never talking to him again, this is the last straw 

him: hey 

me:

the camera man lost it when they synced 😂

i want…………………………a normie gf

One of my old partners got pulled in for an investigation today. The photo is not of him - it’s of a paramedic in California trying to eat something for the first time in nearly ten hours.

My old partner was told that a member of the public took photos of him and his current partner. My buddy was sleeping, and his partner was eating. This member of the public sent the photos with an email that both complained about how “unprofessional” it appeared - and a threat to send the photos to the media.

Thanks to Prop 11 in California, first responders no longer have a right to breaks. AMR lied to the public in a huge way. California was the only state where emergency crews had been granted a legal right to breaks to use the latrine and have a meal. Shifts run a minimum of 12 hours, often 24, and AMR runs their crews into the ground.

My buddy and his partner are in trouble because they were trying to get rest and food while posted on a street corner because we don’t get breaks. This is what AMR tells us to do. Please don’t see something like this and assume that we’re being lazy or not doing our jobs. Don’t take photos or send them to the press. That crew is probably exhausted and overworked.