Take Her Fucking Phone

Me: this is my time to shine *fucks up immediately*

When you’re getting new followers but they’re all spambots

I swear I laugh every time I read the flavor text for Power Word Kill in Pathfinder

So my roommate (girl) bought this vodka?? and me (guy) and my other roommate (guy) poured a glass and have just been staring at it for a good 10 minutes idk what is this glitter fuckery I don’t wanna drink it

Ping Pong the Animation // Episode 6 Kong Wenge’s Karaoke Scene (Shōgo Hamada, Midnight Flight)

you know what’s probably more fun than playing chess? cheating at chess

“ohhh would you look at that, my pawns found jesus and now they’re all bishops”

“so i realize it looks like i’m putting a thimble on the board but actually my rooks have been using their downtime to build another rook, one that’s better, stronger, faster—”

“hey welcome back. while you left to get a snack, those six pieces you’d captured slipped their guards, tunneled to safety and emerged right in the middle of your royal palace.”

“oof, looks like you’ve got my king cornered…maybe this is a good time to mention that shortly before we started playing, my pawns and knights revolted and instituted a representative democracy. feel free to kill the puppet ruler that was the one remaining vestige of our tyranny, you cringing servant of the crown. vive la revolution!”

What have I done…

someone: i think the world of you and i appreciate you being in my life, you’re smart and talented and beautiful. i love you.

me, a person who is unable to respond well to compliments and has trouble expressing emotions: *finger guns* cool beans