"I Was Raised Catholic," He Began. "But You're Not Now?" The Judge Asked, Frowning. "No," He Said. He

"The only person who sees Jude for exactly who he is, is Malcolm..." "..and Jude hates him for it, Jude resents him for it.." "..the interventions Malcolm makes in his home."

- Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life Play interview

"Willem's flaw is pretending....." "when you're having sex with someone, you can usually tell when they're not enjoying it.."

(indirect, Hanya's words, yet not in the interview ; "Harold's greatest flaw is not trying hard enough. He has compassion and love for those in his life, but he should have gone further."

"Andy, simply, is a bad doctor.")

your card declines at therapy and they bring jude and willem during the happy years in (you can’t save them)

Your card declines at therapy and they bring out Harold’s “in everything I see, I see him” monologue from Lispenard Street II

october 22, 2023

I just read the first chapter of the “axiom of equality” part of a little life and dude I’m really reconsidering the way I view life as a whole.

x=x, yes Jude, I feel you so fucking much, all my life I felt like I wouldn’t surpass this feeling of being wrong, the wrongdoings of my childhood, my mistakes and mistakes of others done to me haunt me every single moment of my days, maybe If I were funnier, maybe I if worked on my weight a little harder it would disappear, what did I do to deserve so much hate from others as a kid? to experience the heavy bullying? why should it stain my memory like a wine stained carpet? (you get used to it but it’s never really clean, this metaphor worked in my head so please bear with it). and Caleb, man I’ve met so many fucking Calebs in my life, people i trusted at first sight, thought it could work just to be utterly disappointed at the outcome.

“you’re not your past”, easier said than done.

it’s 3:15 a.m where I live as i’m writing this and I doubt i’ll be able to afford a good night of sleep due the mental state i find myself in. I haven’t cried once while reading this book, maybe it’s because I see so much of myself in these characters that I’m just perplexed and angry, at myself, at others who made me feel like a complete piece of shit my whole life, at the JB’s, cause we all have that one friend that, at some point, made fun of our insecurities and left us feeling like garbage.

read “a little life” by Hanya Yanagihara, i promise it’ll change you and the way you interpret life and others (and i haven’t even finished it yet)

Zayn Malik in Valentino by Pierpaolo Piccioli, featuring text from Hanya Yanagihara’s A Little Life

quote that blasted me across the room first time I read it

yeah there’s no way

i’m sorry but i can’t stop thinking about jude having to wear one of those wigs when he was training to be a lawyer.

Everyone @ Jude and Willem when they see their Lispenard St. “Shithole” apartment

When your card declines at therapy so they remind you how Jude knows for certain how true the axiom of equality is, because he himself––his very life––has proven it. The person I was will always be the person I am, he realizes. The context may have changed: he may be in this apartment, and he may have a job that he enjoys and that pays him well, and he may have parents and friends he loves. He may be respected; in court, he may even be feared. But fundamentally, he is the same person, a person who inspires disgust, a person meant to be hated.

all of my little a little life friends you are going to LOVE all of us strangers