7k Notes On This Boring Sexual Misogyny By The Way

the true reason “not all men” sounds absurd to me (aside from the ignorance of statistics) is that it fundamentally misunderstands misogyny. “not all men” assumes that male supremacy is not an ideology like Nazism or fundamentalism might be. additionally, it assumes that male supremacy is disconnected from male violence. if a white supremacist killed a black innocent, you would not disconnect his ideology from the crime. but male violence must be psychological, not ideological. he beats a woman because he himself was beaten as a child, etcetera.

misogyny, loosely described is the dehumanization (not mere dislike) of women. thus it takes many forms: objectification, pedestalization, decontextualization, caricaturization (or stereotyping), etc. BUT FUNDAMENTALLY, the ideology of male supremacy centers around one core tenet: men are entitled to women for anything at any time. misogyny will, given time, result in male violence and exploitation. but it begins with entitlement. misogyny is a man feeling entitled to a woman’s body. to a girlfriend, wife, prostituted woman. but it doesn’t have to be solely sexual. he can be entitled to a woman’s subordination. he can be entitled to her kindness or attention. he can be entitled to her time and effort. he can be entitled to her support and loyalty. he can be entitled to her service and ideas. he can be entitled to her career and finances. there is no limit to the expression of male entitlement toward women. and that is what makes a man a patriarch. any person a misogynist. that a woman or girl, by virtue of being female, must be an endless fount of whatever one wishes.

misogyny is uncritically expecting your girlfriends to support all your decisions. misogyny is a man expecting his mother to cook and wash after him. misogyny is a boy getting angry that a girl has genuine, logical counter arguments to his ideas. misogyny is a boyfriend expecting his girlfriend to be 100% available to him whenever he wants attention or feels needy. without returning even half that energy. misogyny is stripping nuance from prominent female figures whether historical, fictional or celebrity. it is the denial of a woman’s interiority and needs. misogyny is a pastor that expects women to defer to him on spiritual matters. it has so many flavors and languages and it has no limits. male entitlement toward female people knows no limits. it’s TRA’s demanding access to women’s female spaces and calling any woman or girl that expresses discomfort or argues for her rights “inconsiderate bigot cunts.” entitlement to a woman’s agreement. it’s the government banning a woman’s right to terminating pregnancy or self-defense against sexual violence because governments are entitled to workers and soldiers.

and so, “not all men” is absurd because there’s virtually no man that does not have some level of this entitlement and expect it of at least one woman or girl in his life. especially because even women do not escape misogyny. men’s entitlement to controlling or overpowering a woman in some way (as the prime hallmark of the identity of a man) is omnipresent, whether or not it escalates into male supremacist violence. but again, once the ideology takes root, that women naturally owe men themselves or some capacity of themselves, violence (or neglect in the face of it) is almost always certain to follow. in which case the question for a woman doesn’t become a matter of “if” but “when.”

all men are entitled to women and girls and believe, as a result of being male supremacists, that they are owed our labor, bodies and minds. this alone makes all men (and boys) weaponized.

dangerous.

I love tone policing the anger of marginalized groups for the comfort of their oppressors. What if the upper class stopped wanting to help the poor (something they wanted to do in the first place, for sure) because we keep making Guillotine memes and threatening them :( what if white people don’t like it when they’re called cracker and have to think about how they benefit from prison and slave labor :(( how can you blame someone for wanting gay people dead if they’re doing it because we keep making ‘are the straights okay?’ Jokes and they heard someone call them a breeder a few times. It’s honestly their fault if people want them dead because they were soooooo meaaaaaaaaaaaaaan :((((((

Alright this is gonna be tough for alot of ya'll to hear but leftist and progressive spaces need to be more welcoming to men especially cis het white men. The more we speak bad about men the more men will go down the alt right pipeline. And obviously that's a bad thing. If we want men to be on our side we should create a space where they can also feel included because if we don't more men will go down the alt right and alpha male pipeline

I saw a vid of this girl talking about her complicated feelings about Botox that essentially boiled down to: 1. We don’t live in a vacuum, ageism is a thing, looking good means I get treated better and I should take advantage of that, but, 2. Me getting Botox reinforces beauty standards on other women, and even young girls.

And I just get so frustrated because this “nuance” was very well received, and it really feels like sooo many women are constantly choosing between “this is a way for ME to feel good/gain an advantage” and “this is what’s best for women as a collective” and the collective often loses. :/ I feel like a broken record but I really really want women to stop prioritizing “advantages” that ultimately hurt our gender as a class. There’s no way out with this framework.

what i find most frustrating about the “do men of color benefit from patriarchy?” discourse on twitter is that those who deny that they do NEVER talk about the oppression women of color face from racism/imperialism AND the misogyny from their own communities. that’s how i know they care more about coddling abusive men of color than protecting women of color.

… Food metaphors really are perfect. You don’t like raisin cookies and do like chocolate chip cookies. Your friend baked cookies, ‘oooo chocolate chips cookies!’ You’d say. If your friend is good and cares about you having a good time eating they’d say, ‘actually these are raisin cookies’, but instead they say nothing leaving you to go, ‘oh- these are raisin cookies, sorry I don’t actually like raisins.’

‘But you like cookies, you’ve eaten other cookies before I’ve seen you.’

‘I like chocolate chip cookies. Sorry.’

‘But the dough is really good and it’s well baked!’

‘Raisins really just ruin the experience of eating a cookie.’

non-transfem lesbians are always trying to tell me why it's actually fine for them to have genital preference but for some reason I never hear any of them saying "I would be so grossed out if I had to fuck a vagina"

I feel sick

I'm on holiday at a mall and there's a family getting candyfloss, I don't know what religion they were but all the females, even the little girls (5 or 6) are fully veiled

And the little boys are eating candyfloss off sticks together and the youngest girl is crying and stamping her foot because she can't eat hers due to the veil and she has to take it home in a bag

We always have the whole "Listen to sex workers" "Listen to POC" etc which of course is brilliant, listen to the victims of an industry/culture, but sometimes all it takes is to listen to the benefactors of an industry and people still don't wanna do that

“I’d like to really show what I believe the men want to see: violence against women. I firmly believe that we serve a purpose by showing that." Bill Margold, Porn actor and producer, in reference to the porn industry, 2007.

They aren't quiet about any of it. They never have been. It's amazing how some people still manage to pretend they don't see and hear it.

i think it should be illegal to not have paper menus. and it should be illegal to only accept digital payments and not accept cash

generally making anything accessible only with a phone sould be illegal. like genuinely regulated by the govt and forbidden. IMO

When you make a joke about how if men could get pregnant they’d sell abortion pills in vending machines only to get hit with “trans men exist”

Yes, I am aware that women who change their pronouns are still capable of getting pregnant. It comes with the female reproductive system. This is not revolutionary information, nor is it an example of males getting pregnant

Don’t walk yourself into getting your feelings hurt if you can’t handle that being pointed out

Dear god, I thought shitty modern art would stop at "banana taped to a wall" but now it's escalated to "keep three piglets caged in an art gallery and make them slowly starve to death in front of audiences".

they've been doing that sort of thing for a while, there was one maybe ten years ago where someone displayed a bunch of individual goldfish in powered blenders that the audience could choose to turn on or not

the thing about this sort of stuff though is that the audience response and the audience response TO the audience response is also part of the art, so "me beating your ass in an art gallery for liquifying a fish in front of me" is now a commentary on the the place of individual choice in a larger society.

also someone broke in and stole those piglets, which is an even funnier response, because now this art piece is a commentary on general human decency and there's nothing the artist can do about it