Instead

Instead

Instead of killing myself I’d colour for hours. Instead of killing myself I’d huddle up and watch movies intended for toddlers. Instead of killing myself I’d play with dollies. Instead of killing myself I’d play with my food. Instead of killing myself I’d spend my day with people who were the age I felt. Instead of killing myself I’d fall asleep drinking milk I warmed in a bottle. Instead of killing myself I coped.

But because I was under 18 I should have just killed myself right? ——————— I didn’t know then that there was a term for it, but are you saying that because I felt better, freer, acting 10 years younger (I was 12) that it was sexual? That I should have just saved myself the trouble and killed myself? Maybe I should have cut instead and just hoped I’d die, I know that was always tempting.

Tell me, what’s sexual about crayons? What’s sexual about dolls? What’s sexual about bottles? What’s sexual about a babbling like a toddler?

YOU turn it into a kink, YOU hunt down underage littles like a pedophile and prey on them. YOU take something that should be innocent and turn it into something vile and full of hate.

It was never a kink.

It was an “Instead.”