“There Comes A Day When You Realize Turning The Page Is The Best Feeling In The World Because You Realize

“Thank the water for cleansing you. Stare into the candle’s flame. Think about how nature affects you– how the moon controls the tides, how weather affects your mood, how the day goes from bright to dark to allow you to sleep.”

— Light Magic for Dark Times (Lisa Marie Basile)

“It makes me sad waking up alone when there’s someone willing to wake up with me.”

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“Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up? in thirty minutes? in 2 hours? in 7 years?. no one can be sure.”

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“Those feelings when you want a relationship but you don’t but you do but you don’t.”

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Vincent Giarrano on Instagram

Random Conversation Starters

“So it’s not like I actually want a snake, but more like I want a snake jus tbecause I don’t seem like the type of person that would have one.”

“Excuse you, I am great at being a third wheel.”

“What if he thinks of you as more than a friend?”

“We’re pretty sure she’s dead at this point but then she sits up and demands that we bring her a man.”

“Do you … do you ever think about what kind of weird roommate stories you would tell but you can’t think of any and you realize that it’s because you’re the weird roommate?”

“I don’t particularly care for cake.”

“So I was looking at conspiracy theories on the internet because, well, you know, and it turns out the middle ages might not even exist! I’m in the middle of reading a paper on it.”

“Who would I have a hickey from??”

“Y’all better hope I never pass out and need an IV. I will freak out if I wake up with something sticking in my arm.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa – someone’s in here!”

“You have to ask him because if I ask him, then he’d be going as my friend but if you ask him then he’d be going as your friend.”

“I’m only a little awkward sometimes.”

“Okay, but how do I tell him I like him without telling him I like him??”

“I don’t know how to describe it, but I just feel like your soul is like UUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH.”

“Hi, yeah, I don’t like you. I mean I do, but just as friend. Will you please just chill so we can hang out again? Thanks.”

“You can try it but realistically speaking probably not.”

“It is not a hickey! It’s one of those airbrush tattoo things. I realize now that the placement and color may have been a mistake.”

“Well, first I’d have to wax my arm.”

“Mom, don’t worry, I have never done the sex or had the drugs or made the fun.”

“He told me I looked like a unicorn today and it made my heart so happy.”

“Don’t worry. I only cried a little.”

“No, I don’t wanna be her stupid boyfriend! But I don’t want anyone else to either.”

“It was then that I realized my mistake.”

“I’m not naming my child triangle!”

“The other one’s even harrier!”

“Technically it wasn’t on fire.”

“Listen - no listen. I want you to understand this. I do not care.”

“Wait, were you just like, flirting with me?”

“What the heck is a nougat?”

“Only thirty percent of all my jokes are dad jokes. The rest are memes and dark humor.”

“Which Dairy Queen story do you wanna hear first?”

“I’d better be getting a godchild out of this.”

“That’s not the only door you’ve broken.”

“I’ve averaged 1 & 1/2 meals for the past 3 days.”

“That’s the worst idea I’ve ever head. Let’s do it.”

“You guys are so cute. It’s disgusting.”

“Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there’s nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.”

— Jasmine Warga, My Heart and Other Black Holes

I talk to the universe all the time.

- Ted Lange