I'm Both Dumber And Smarter Than You Think So Don't Underestimate Me Because I'm Actually Smart About

honestly, why is the only language we have for sexual trauma that of rape and assault? there are so many kinds of sexual trauma that are done a genuine disservice by trying to grapple with them using the language of rape.

there's "i consented to this for self-destructive reasons," there's "i didn't know what i was consenting to because i didn't have enough experience to tell that i would be upset by this thing," there's "i initiated something that i now regret," there's dozens, even hundreds, of sexual situations that are traumatic and that need community support and care and some real trauma work to heal from, that just aren't accurately described by the language we have to discuss rape.

and like, trying to shoehorn them in under the umbrella of rape and assault often does a disservice to the victims trying to heal--trying to cast a sexual partner as a malicious perpetrator retroactively is often really psychologically damaging to someone who is experiencing a complex trauma around an experience they consented to, especially when the trauma victim themselves initiated the experience.

what is it with me and purposely revisiting media that has triggered me genuinely an insane evolution quirk

santa deniers on science-mas eve hearing charles darwin evolving down the chimney

writing a garbage essay feels like you’re the cow who gave birth to the two headed calf. in the morning, my professor will wrap him in newspaper and dissect him on a cold operating table. but here he is alive, under the pale glow of my computer screen. he is beautiful. there are twice as many logical fallacies as usual.

this is my favourite favourite favourite … LINGER NEAR THE DOOR UNCOMFORTABLY INSTEAD OF JUST LEAVING …. FORGET YOUR SCARF ….

“The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.”

tobey, andrew, and tom start doing interviews together after everyone watches no way home and it’s out that they’re actually in the movie and tobey and tom keep trying to discuss the movie but andrew keeps going off on tangents about his astrological chart and gay rights

i'm a simple girl: i see sunlight on the water, i find god

“It’s one of those days. They’re asking me how you are, as though you’d still confide in me. As though I had an inkling of what you were up to. They’re staring at me with their glasses of champagne and their painted smiles, wondering aloud how I’m doing without you. I say I’m happy for you, then I cry myself to sleep at night. It doesn’t matter how much time passes. The memories cut deeper the more times I turn them over. Just like that, you got into that car that one day in September, wearing your maroon trenchcoat and your too-long scarf, and when you slammed the door shut, you did not even look back. Not once. Not even for me. You left it all behind. Your mind was always too big to live in such a small town, your mum used to say, but I didn’t agree. I thought the city would choke you. I thought it’d rob you of the air you needed to breathe - I nearly find myself wishing it had and I’m sorry for it. The city was at your feet from the moment you moved into that apartment overviewing the river, put up your mismatched mugs on your shelf in the kitchen and filled the rooms with your laughter. What hurt me the most was not you leaving me behind without hesitation. It was me realising that I could never be that person. I could never get into a car and slam the door shut on everything that used to mean the world to me and never look back. This is not who I am. I am the one who stays behind and answers questions about the people who left. If someone happens to ask you about me, do you tell them you‘re happy for me and mean it?”

— the one who stays behind / n.j.