To Say Cole Was Having A Really Fucking Bad Day Was The Understatement Of The Century. He’d Started

zccming​:

“everyone expresses their rebellion differently.” max rolled her eyes at the notion, then took a drag from the joint. this party was objectively stupid, but she was there anyhow. so who was she to judge?  “It’s just… do you ever feel like it should’ve been you? Like, why did all those people die and not me?” “heavy.” she replied. the effects of her indulgence throughout the night were hitting her all at once, so to hell with it. she’d be honest with cole. “yeah. i mean, paramedics pretty much saved me and a bunch of other people. pulled us out.” at least, that was the official police story. not the truth, but it was the closest max could get to saying she watched billy die here.

 “i…still don’t understand why it worked out that way.” she rubbed her temples with one hand, then handed cole the joint with the other. time felt heavy on her shoulders, so she wasn’t going to waste it. “i didn’t like, really know adam…” code for, i always thought he was just a dumb asshole jock. “but since he was your friend, i doubt he’d want you thinking like that.” she was confident in that at least. “what do you think he’d think of this party?” max didn’t know what had inspired her to ask such a loaded question, maybe it was something in the air, or maybe it was the hope that prompting cole to remember would help him feel better. 

xx.

Cole studied Max's face when she told her story. They hadn't ever talked about that night before, not explicitly. He knew the substances helped make the conversation easier. "But it was too late? For your brother?" he asked, the high making him bolder. He could probably still recite all of the names of people who'd died in the fire, and when he met Max he put two and two together. "Maybe we'll never know. But none of it makes sense to me," Cole admitted.

He took the joint and sucked in a deep breath, exhaling with a cough. Leaning back against the wall, Cole cracked a smile thinking about what Adam would say if he was here. Why are you pouting? You know it doesn't look good on you. "Yeah, you're probably right," he paused, passing the blunt back. "Though he was a selfish prick sometimes." His expression darkened, remembering the last days they spent together. The fight. "Hey, listen... was Billy... like, different, right before? Was he acting weird?" He shuffled, crossing a leg underneath him. 

“Just because Adam and I got into this huge fight right before. He kept saying that he couldn't be with me anymore. It's like it wasn't him, and... I don't know, I've felt guilty about it ever since." Cole trailed off. Did he just come out to Max? Maybe she was too high to catch it. Maybe he was too high to be talking about this.

bethkrichards​:

With a piece of popcorn in hand, Beth chucked it lightly in the direction of Cole in response to his commentary about her brother. It was almost sickening, how much in love the two were, and while she teased Cole and Adam about how much they said about each other in front of her, Beth had missed it. “Okay, Walden. To be fair, he could have, and I would have had no idea unless you two weren’t being messy in the driveway,” she reminded him, raising a brow. She’d thought about how Adam’s sexuality might’ve died with him if it weren’t for Cole, but Beth was glad to know that she knew everything about her brother before he’d left them. 

Beth nodded her head wordlessly, sadly. She knew exactly what Cole meant–even if Adam hadn’t been entirely himself at the carnival, there was no way he was ever going to entirely forgive himself for what his body had done. “I know. I’m worried about him, too. I mean, you were there … was he like he was, you know, in that last week or so?” To think that the Adam that he’d been back then could come back was terrifying, but at least now the three of them could work together this time to try and prepare. “I wish I could’ve been there. For you, and for him. I know I couldn’t have done much, but still.”

xx.

Cole caught Beth’s smile, and he returned it easily. Since he’d graduated from tutor to boyfriend, Beth had been like a little sister to him. And with that came its fair amount of tormenting. Adam was such an angel, someone had to torture Beth and Cindy every once in a while! “Woah, not the government name!” he feigned surprise, pressing his good arm to his chest. Cole smirked at the memory, at how new and urgent it felt to kiss Adam right there and right then, even if it was in his driveway. “I’ll never apologize for kissing him. And besides, you got me out of it-- your extra big brother.” Cole nudged her shoulder affectionately, hoping it communicated how glad he was to be in her life without having to get sappy and gross.

His stomach squeezed as Beth’s expression dropped; Cole hated seeing her upset, and he almost wished he hadn’t brought it up. Not that she wouldn’t have asked, but Cole wanted Beth and Cindy to be able to just enjoy Adam being back, without all of the baggage attached. But, Cole could never lie to any member of the Richards family. “Yeah, he was,” he admitted, wrapping his good arm around Beth’s shoulders and pulling her into him for a hug. It hurt his ribs, but he didn’t care. “No, I’m glad you weren’t,” he said, quickly. “Not that he would...” do anything, “I just don’t think he’d want you to see him that way.”

After everyone had dispersed, Cole had slipped away into the cabin so he could change out of his wet swimsuit and decompress for a bit. He was actively trying not to think about whatever had been pulling him; based on what had happened at the graveyard and then what Max had told him about the Upside Down, he knew there was likely something else going on. But he also knew that whatever answers there were meant trouble for him and Adam, so it was easier to push the thoughts away.

Cole toweled off his hair and tossed the towel and wet clothes to the side when Steve approached him. A relieved smile filled Cole’s face, and he took the beer. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I need. Thanks,” he said, using the counter to pop the top off and taking a swig. “I’ve been better,” he admitted, gesturing in the general direction of the lake. “But... I’ve also been worse.” He knew it was a cryptic response, but he figured of all people, Steve would understand. Like, sure, maybe I’m being haunted by supernatural forces but at least I have my boyfriend.

Cole’s eyes gleamed with interest when Steve confessed his real reason for being here. Leaning against the countertop, Cole nodded. He tried to suppress his grin, but he had definitely noticed how Steve and Eddie were looking at each other earlier, and the curiosity was killing him. “Oh yeah? Shoot.” Cole said, welcoming the question. “And... good for you,” he tacked onto the end. Both Steve and Eddie were very attractive and genuinely good people, but Cole understood the trepidation of beginning a relationship that others might not approve of. 

who: steve harrington & @loverboymontgomery​

where: the cabin

everything that had happened down at the shore had freaked out steve, to say the least. mostly because thinking two years back, steve had been under that lake, getting pulled into the upside down through the watergate. so, when both adam and cole got pulled down, steve’s immediate reaction was to never set foot inside the lake ever again. he couldn’t risk it again. he wouldn’t. he had made his way back to the cabin, looking around at everyone for a couple of moments until he spotted cole. maybe it was for the best if he asked how he was doing. approaching him slowly, steve grabbed two beers as he walked towards cole, offering one as a peace offering. “you look like you need this… you okay?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

he looked at cole for a couple of moments, chewing on his bottom lip for a few seconds before he decided to say something. “also, can i ask you something?” he asked as he approached cole, looking around for a few moments. “about- about eddie?” he asked. he wasn’t sure what he was going to ask, but he was definitely… interested in eddie, if that wasn’t obvious already. he was sure that some people had started to notice. 

As he began blinking awake, Cole’s memories from the fucking carnival from hell began to resurface. He saw Lucas crumped on the ground, Jack shoving him away, Adam yelling at him to leave him the fuck alone. But then he woke up and the first thing he saw was Adam, their arms intertwined, blonde head bobbing up and down as he snored. Cole squeezed his eyes shut. Was it a dream? Why did he remember a bomb? An explosion? It was all making his head hurt. 

Cole must’ve fallen back asleep, because the next time he opened his eyes, Max was there. She was holding his other hand and mumbling something. He shifted, trying to sit up, and instantly regretted it. Pain shot through his abdomen and he groaned. His movement caused a barely-cold icepack to shift off of his ribcage; had he broken a rib? 

With a weak smile, Cole turned his gaze to Max. “Tell me you’re not crying over me, asshole.” His throat was painfully brittle, and he attempted to swallow to make it easier to speak up. “The fuck did you do to me, Maxine?” he asked, a piss poor excuse for a joke, and squeezed his eyes shut again in an attempt to stop the pounding in his head. 

WHO: max mayfield & @loverboymontgomery​ WHAT: max checks on cole WHERE: hospital </3

max had been lingering in the hospital for around twelve hours now and had no intentions of leaving any time soon. herself, dustin, and max, worked in shifts, using steve’s room as base. she was in and out a lot, mostly to cry, but sometimes to check on the status of her other friends who had been admitted last night. it was nearing ten-thirty in the morning when max took a break. she went to cole’s room first, after a nurse told her he woke up between now and her last break. anything that stood between her and that door got shoved out of the way or fully knocked over until she was on her knees beside his bed. 

unfortunately, cole was out again when she entered his room. she clocked adam’s close proximity, who was also asleep. not wanting to disturb them too much, but at least see how cole was doing for herself, she took the hand of his that wasn’t occupied and grabbed it with both of hers, then set her forehead on top of it. she sat like that for a second, listening to the chorusing of the heart monitor. all good signs, all good, but still, she found herself wanting to cry again. max rubbed her lips together, then whispered, not intending for cole to hear her, “hey, fucking…stupid shithead…” she mumbled, “i leave for one night and you land yourself in the hospital? geez.” she laughed wryly, a tear slipping out. a life without cole flashed across her mind. it wasn’t one she was interested in seeing. this blows, she thought. sitting up, max wiped the couple of tears that snuck up on her, then rubbed her tired eyes, “i’m glad you’re okay…” she continued in her quiet tone, “and i’m so kicking your ass when you get out of here.” 

eddiemcnson​:

+++

pursed lips, eddie took another drag, buried one hand in the pocket of his jeans. he huffed. oh, he’d known about this stuff for a while, alright. the mere thought of it made his stomach drop, he squeezed his eyes shut for a second, softly, almost unnoticeably, shook his head. trying to shake the image of red skies and black lightning, swarming bats from his mind. 

eddie clicked his tongue, absent-mindedly kicked some gravel. “’easier’.”, he echoed, musing. wondering if he should shield cole from the truth. but he’d been roped into it, too, now. so what good it denial do him. and how cruel would it be of eddie, not letting him in on all the crazy. “remember….remember spring break ‘86? the.. ‘earthquake’ - it wasn’t an earthquake. anyway.”, another drag, eddie quickly exhaled. “anyway. anyway, shit …. went down, basically. like, supernatural shit. and i, well. i almost died.” eddie shrugged, resigned. it seemed so far away now, unreal. though it became frighteningly present again, every other night when eddie woke up in a cold sweat, heaving and panting and clutching at his chest to remind himself that he was alive and breathing. “it’s not …. it’s serious stuff, cole. but it - well, in a way, it sort of gets better. when you get outta here, it gets better.”

he glanced at cole, a small smile tugging at his lips, he nodded. “yeah. friends, i’d like that. that’d be cool. you’re not half bad yourself, montgomery.”truly, eddie hadn’t expected to make any new friends during his summer back in hawkins. and this was a pleasant surprise. 

quirked brows, eddie watched with an amused expression on his face as cole went on about adam, gushing about him, and he felt a warmth swelling in his chest. he was genuinely happy for cole, even more so since they were both so alike. which made eddie hopeful that maybe he could be just as happy as cole one day. “yeah, he seems pretty cool. great catch, cole. well done.”

eddie quickly looked away, flustered chuckle, the mention of steve brought a blush to his cheeks. “it’s… ah, it’s nothng, not really. it’s - “he was cut off by his own incredulous laugh, eddie ran a hand through his hair, then rested his palm on his forehead, he turned to look at cole. “i just can’t wrap my head around the fact that i, like….i made out with steve harrington. king steve. that’s - that’s not real, you know? like, guys like him don’t… they don’t go for guys like me. it’s mental.”

xx.

Cole searched Eddie’s face, noting how viscerally uncomfortable talking about this made him. Clearly, Eddie had seen some shit. If Cole couldn’t sleep because of a vision of Adam’s death, how much worse would he be feeling if he had really experienced any of that shit? 

With a frown, Cole watched the gravel scatter under Eddie’s foot. He nodded, trying to wrap his mind around another tragedy that was actually supernatural in origin. “What the fuck,” he said, incredulously. He almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity, because... why Hawkins? Lifting his eyes to Eddie’s face, Cole nodded at his hopeful conclusion. He patted the other’s shoulder in a slightly awkward display of affection. “I’m sorry... I know that was... fucked up,” he said, at a loss for something more substantial to say. He took a puff of the cigarette and turned it over in his mind. When you get outta here, it gets better. Cole hoped that much was true, and hoped that he and Adam could get out sooner rather than later.

With a teasing smile, Cole flicked his cigarette. “Not half bad,” he echoed, his eyes lingering on the water in front of them. It was nice, something glaringly normal in the midst of everything else. A reminder, almost, that things could be simple and easy. “Don’t let it go to your head,” he warned, with a chuckle.

“Thank you, really... it’s nice to get to talk about it,” Cole said, Eddie’s congratulations causing a swell in his chest. In another world, where they didn’t have to sneak around, Cole would parade Adam around, would wear his name ever on Cole’s lips, because he could never get tired of the feeling that Adam loved him. Despite everything, Adam chose him.

Clearly, Eddie could relate to the feeling. He nodded his understanding, smile still pushing on his lips. “But why shouldn’t he? You’re a catch too.” With a hint of mischief in his eyes, Cole shrugged, “I mean, we already established that I have good taste.”

backtowheeler​:

Nancy was surprised to see Cole Montgomery show up at the little shindig put on by her mom. She knew this was mostly the time for Karen to shuffle her eldest and most successful child around (who knows? Maybe Holly will grow up to be a doctor!) for all her friends to see. It wasn’t so much about Nancy’s friends, and she especially didn’t expect to see Cole. Maybe Max, or Robin, but her and Cole’s family had such a convoluted past that she’d thought he’d sit this one out.

For all intensive purposes, Nancy and Cole should have hated each other. They were pitted against each other from the moment they were born. Nancy could recall early years when Karen would mutter to her that Cole had gotten a better score than her on a Social Studies test, pushing Nancy to try harder and be better, a mantra she would often hear until the day she left Hawkins and moved to Boston. Yet, she never had disdain for Cole. She learned early on that it wasn’t him doing anything, it was her mother perpetuating a different narrative, and while they weren’t close in high school, Nancy was glad they could grow closer in recent years.

“Probably drop dead,” she chuckled, knocking her cup against his. Nancy was legally able to drink (the National Minimum Drinking Age Act had never affected Indiana), but her parents weren’t heavy drinkers and assumed the same for their children. Or at least for Nancy. The booze was mostly there for guests and no one else. “I wish, but I’d like to try to keep her panic to a minimum,” she took a sip from her cup. “What brought you here? Surely it can’t be just because of me.”

Cole chuckled at the thought of Mrs. Wheeler spontaneously combusting; it’s not that he hated her, he didn’t dislike her at all, really, it’s just that he hated what she represented: the overbearing presence of a small town, the way everyone everywhere was ready to whisper about you behind your back. There’s a certain type of person who does well in this town: someone like Nancy, who is generally impressive and straight-edge (or so she seems). But Cole knows what that’s like, and he knows all-too-well the fear of bursting everyone’s bubble.

Maybe that’s what drew him to Nancy. He sensed there was more underneath the surface, that she could also understand the feeling of hiding from everyone. Maybe, together, they could escape from it all a while. Part of him was disappointed when she declined his offer to get out of there, but he knew it was for the best. “Keep her panic to a minimum,” he repeated, “probably best for your sanity, anyway.” 

A wry smile teased the edges of Cole’s mouth. “Funny you should ask, actually, I bummed a ride off Harrington,” he said, raising his beer to his lips and keeping his eyes trained on her face. He hoped he could deduce exactly what was going on between the once-hottest couple in town from her expression, but he guessed Nancy was sneakier than that. She wouldn’t reveal anything she didn’t want to... but Cole was never above prying. “So, you excited to see him? What’s the deal?” 

eddiemcnson​:

+++

droplets of nervous sweat starting to appear above his brow, eddie’s eyes darted down to where cole pulled out that blasted bandana before he took both the cigarette and lighter from him. he clicked it a couple of times, no light appeared, eddie nervously glanced back up at cole, down at the lighter. violently shook it around for a moment, another attempt - it thankfully lit this time and he handed it back to cole.

he was a bundle of nerves. the previous pleasant buzz from the alcohol had almost entirely disappeared, he flicked  the cigarette’s filter repeatedly, fidgeted with his rings on his other hand. as if he was almost….waiting for cole to ridicule him. instead, however, he said something completely unexpected and eddie chocked on his own breath, sputtering cough.

he looked up to lock eyes with him. i am, too. the fuck did he mean? and ‘too’? was this some sort of trap? or was he literally genuinely saying what…eddie thought…he was saying? hadn’t he not gotten any of his surely widely popularly used phrases moments ago? he quirked a brow, took a drag once his coughing had subised. “you are….what?”, eyes narrowed, voice low in case this was, indeed, a trap.

adam richards was mentioned and, oh, jeez, it all made sense. eddie almost instantly felt bad, a guilty nauseau creeping up on him. way to go, munson, way to go. “your best friend, wasn’t he?” brows pulled together, lips twisted into a sympathetic smile. of course, max hadn’t been the only one who’d lost someone on the very ground they were standing on. “listen, man, i’m so…sorry - like, that’s gotta be rough, like, being here and everything. sorry. i can go and  leave you alone if you want to.”

xx. 

Cole didn’t waver under Eddie’s gaze. If he was correct, Eddie’s behavior made sense. Cole felt it too, the fear of being found out by someone who wasn’t safe. It was the reason Cole and Adam snuck around for the three years they were together-- to avoid the football jocks and the band geeks and the teachers berating them and calling them names. Only it never stopped there; it often got physical, violent. Of course Eddie was afraid.

It was like they were playing chicken, like they were standing in front of a train for as long as possible and pulling back at the last second-- exhilarating, maybe, but not satisfying. Something about being in the mall, all his thoughts about Adam... it was the perfect concoction for a confession. “I like guys,” he said, meeting Eddie’s eyes again. “Adam was my boyfriend.”

And then: relief. Cole felt like he’d recovered part of himself, like he’d regained a phantom limb. He hadn’t been able to talk about his feelings this openly since, well, Adam. It was refreshing, rejuvenating even. “If you want, I’ll prove it,” he teased, giving Eddie a once-over. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so open about it, but what’s the worst that could happen?

willthewize​:

     Will looked up from his sketchbook as a familiar figure approached, a surprised smile forming on his face to see him out of the blue. Cole hadn’t called to let him know he was stopping by, but it wasn’t an unwelcome visit by any means. But then something about the nervous tone the other guy spoke with—or just the words themselves, there’s something I wanna talk to you about, which were never usually the opener to a pleasant conversation—clued him into the fact that this was maybe more serious than a friendly little hang-out, and his easy grin faltered.

     “Sure, wanna…?” He motioned to the bench, the space next to him, offering a seat before Cole continued on to say that he had talked to Jonathan, and…why would he feel the need to tell him that, anyway? What was this all abo…Lonnie’s my dad, too. Oh. Oh. That wasn’t the last thing Will had expected to hear: it wasn’t even on the list.  His gaze suddenly focused on the sling Cole wore, the loose threads he fiddled with and he replied, “How is your arm doing?” It was almost funny that he would rather talk about the aftermath of the carnival, with its explosions and casualties, than his—their—father.

     He had to answer the massive revelation that was just dropped. Paradigm-altering information. His dad was Cole’s dad, too. But what was he supposed to say—my condolences? This shouldn’t be quite as much of a rug-pull as all that had been happening this summer with the border and the doppelganger and the cabin and who knew what else. Was it really surprising that Lonnie Byers had had another son with someone out there (even one whose age made it clear that the man had had an affair?) Not really. But Will couldn’t help the feeling that in all of this, he was the butt of some cosmic joke right now.

     It was like he was always the last to know anything, like he was always the one who walked into a room right after something cool happened, always just missing the moment. Or in cases like this—like nobody thought he could handle the truth; he was just too fragile, too sensitive, or at least that was how everyone viewed him. Jonathan knew? Will didn’t even think he and Cole were friends. How long was ‘a while back,’ anyway: a couple weeks or even longer? When the hell would Will become an active participant in his own life, instead of stuff just…happening and him learning to deal with it. Not today, evidently.

     Rather than allowing himself to get upset, Will had to remember that this wasn’t just a big deal to him, in fact it wasn’t about him. It was Cole’s news to share when he felt ready—the fact that they were…they were brothers. They were half-brothers. They were related. They have been this whole time. Well, obviously. Cole has known it, the whole time…? Will forced himself to look up and meet his eyes. “That must have been really difficult for you,” he said. “Thanks for telling me.” That wasn’t what he wanted to say. He had so many questions and no way to verbalize them, because the moment he started, he just stuttered, “So, when did…I mean, have you always…Did you…What?”

xx.

Too nervous to sit down, Cole leaned against the porch rail instead, his nervous fingers moving between picking at the cast to tapping on the splintering wood  Cole’s expression betrayed his bewilderment at Will’s question. Had he heard what he’d said? Had he said it aloud at all? But, autopilot kicked in and he answered with a shrug, “It’s fine, I guess. Just a fracture. Should be off in a few more weeks.” 

He studied Will’s face, trying to read any emotion he could detect, and also trying to find any similarities, any features they shared. Growing up, Cole had always been told he was the spitting image of his mother-- he had her dark curls and her eyes and her cheekbones. Maybe he hoped he had her temperament too-- her easygoing spirit, her openness. But lately he’s wondered what all he’d inherited from the other side: the drinking? The standoffishness? The thought itself made him want to reach for the flask in his back pocket, but he could investigate that urge later. 

Will seemed upset, which was understandable. It was a lot to take in, and Cole’s lingering feeling of being exposed intensified. Maybe Will and Jonathan were upset at him-- maybe he was right in thinking that his very existence was a scandal. It certainly made sense, even his own grandparents had wanted to hide him away, to let his mother and aunt raise him in New York. For a brief moment, Cole entertained the question: what would his life look like now if he’d stayed in New York? Who would he be? Would it be better for everyone in Hawkins if he’d simply stayed gone?

When Will finally spoke, Cole’s shoulders relaxed in relief. Whatever it was, it was better than the silence. But he certainly hadn’t expected this. Cole opened his mouth to respond, then clamped it shut again. Will was... thanking him? He couldn’t make sense of that. Will was a sweet kid, he’d always known that, but this level of empathy felt like too much to ask for. “No, don’t... I mean... I’m sorry,” he managed. He was lost, wondering how Will was being so nice about it all. Maybe it wasn’t a huge deal to him, but... wouldn’t it be to Cole if the roles were reversed? He’d probably be furious, but maybe Will hadn’t inherited the rage gene from Lonnie. 

Then, when Will tried asking for more information, Cole clicked into gear. That he could do. The minefield of what each of them were thinking and feeling, not so much in his lane. “Right. I found out five years ago,” Cole admitted, with an apologetic smile. “There was sort of... a lot going on for you guys. I didn’t want to, like, make it worse.” Cole shrugged, not sure if Max had told Will that Cole knew, but not sure it even mattered at the moment. “Then, I... guess I thought it wasn’t a big deal for a while. But, with everything...” he gestured vaguely, hoping to communicate that he meant the bigger picture in town.

“I wanted you to hear it from me,” he settled on. Not that Cole’s life was in any immediate danger, other than the way that everyone’s was all the time. Still, it felt like an urgent enough need to come here today. 

zccming​:

“something like that…” max stared at her shoes for a moment. she couldn’t recall precisely what the report had said, she merely knew that she was pulled out of the fire along with her friends and what her lines were for when she couldn’t quite place herself in the fabricated story, “–it, it happened really fast.” then, she divulged, “i don’t remember what they even said and i don’t read those stupid articles about the fire.” max huffed, getting more agitated the more she spoke off book. she didn’t take well to personal questions, even from cole. not because she was mad at him, but she was still so mad at everything, and that was an unnerving beast to let roam around outside her mind. yet, max had still managed to share something with him. some real frustration about the cover up, even if he didn’t know.

the ghost of a smile on cole’s face told her that she had been successful in aiding his mood. “i’m always right.” she assured, a curve in her own lips appearing. max took the blunt and puffed on it, mirroring cole’s body position. “and you aren’t?” she deadpanned, “sometimes  i’d say you’re more than–” if he didn’t seem so urgent when cutting her off, she would have told him to shut the fuck up. and once cole fully asked his questions? max was wishing she had. her mouth dried and her jaw clenched. was billy like, different, right before? that didn’t even begin to describe it. lost in the terror in her chest, max didn’t speak until she felt a stinging on her knee. looking down she clocked the source; burning ash on her skin. she had forgotten about the joint. “shit.” she winced, brushing it off, then immediately passed it back to cole. he might have needed it for what she was about to say.

the cover up infuriated her at times, but simultaneously, max understood why it existed. it existed for people like cole, where the lie would hurt less than the truth. the lie would still hurt, greatly, but she wouldn’t wish knowledge of that supernatural can of worms on anyone. ears burning, she prepped the fib on the tip of her tongue, “he wasn’t.” i totally didn’t like, lock him in a sauna or watch him nearly kill my friends. max fought back the urge to pick at her nails, “but then again, billy was always weird.” she rolled her eyes, wishing it was that simple and shook her head, “i don’t know.” 

she left it at that. 

in some kind of miracle though, max’s mind was torn away from billy, and her attention was averted somewhere rapidly different. she looked at cole, brows knitted deeply in thought. so many puzzle pieces clicked together all at once. adam wasn’t a best friend, he was a boyfriend. there was a stray inkling about it, once, a heart-to-heart ago when max was equating his feelings about adam being gone to hers about her best friend el ‘moving away’. but she never followed up on that with cole. she should have. while there were so many things she wanted to say, and a dozen more questions she wanted to ask, max plucked a four leaf clover and went with the unexpected option. tenderness. “oh cole.” a hug, “i’m so sorry.” what a horrible realization of what he’d been going through. 

suddenly, max felt very guilty about lying. 

xx.

I don't remember what they even said. Something about that stood out in his mind, almost like "they" had been feeding Max lines. He felt, deep down, like she was lying. But he dismissed it with the next drag he took. Hadn't the shrink his mom forced him to see said that it wasn't unusual to make up stories to explain away tragedy? Maybe that's what he was trying to do. "Yeah. I guess no one really knows what happened. And we just have to... be okay with that. Move on, or try to," he said, his flat tone evidence of his unbelief.

Though he barreled through her sarcastic comment, her meaning wasn't lost on her. And she wasn't wrong. God, what he wouldn't do to make fun of the selfish prick one more time without feeling the sting of loss. He watched as Max inadvertently burned herself, and he raised an eyebrow at her sudden nervousness. Signs of lying again. But his heart sank all the same at her response. There he was again, trying to explain away the tragedy. "Oh," he nodded, taking the joint back again.

He felt himself leaning away, afraid of her response if she even had one. Maybe it would be best if she didn't, then they could get sober and pretend he hadn't said what he did. That would be better than losing a friend because of a stupid need to overshare. He was surprised at the feeling of her arms around him. The understanding in her voice. Even with the circumstances, Cole felt a lightness in his stomach. Finally, someone else knew. Finally, he wasn't alone with it. His blinks were rapid-fire and he silently willed the moisture to stay behind his eyelids. "Thanks," he spoke after a long pause, his voice barely above a whisper. He tilted his head slightly towards hers, relieved for the comfort, the acceptance. "And I'm sorry too. I know it's not the same thing, but... I get it, sort of."

Cole ventured a glance at Max and his eyes fell to the four-leaf clover. A sign of good luck, ironic. "And if you ever want to talk about it, any of it, or just... remember him. I'd like that," he met her eyes again. "Might make me feel less crazy."