Sinclairss​:

“I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again —”

— Georgia O’Keeffe, in a letter to Russel Vernon Hunter, from Georgia O’Keeffe: Art and Letters (via luthienne)

who: Cole & @elevcnhops​​

where: by the fire

He knew he had almost drowned and then had a mysterious.. burn? And then Dustin had disappeared. But all Cole could think about was finding ingredients to make S’more’s. He wondered if this was how he coped, by just ignoring the unexplainable. And he wondered if that was really a bad thing, given the circumstances. Cole rummaged around the cabin’s kitchen and, at last, found the stash. Graham crackers, chocolate, marshmallows, and even skewers. If he had to bet, he’d put money on these being the forethought of one Nancy Wheeler. With a satisfied hum, Cole shut the door behind him and made a beeline to the fire.

There were a few people scattered throughout the campsite talking and drinking, and Cole’s eyes immediately landed on Adam, who was currently occupied by Melissa. Damage control, maybe. As Cole looked at the fire, he noticed El sitting alone in the dark. Lifting a hand to her, Cole waved. “Hey El,” he raised up the package of graham crackers, “Want to make S’mores?” He sat down on the log near her and began unpacking everything. Handing her a skewer, he slipped a marshmallow on it. “Okay, good to toast it,” he pronounced. As he readied his own, Cole cast her a sidelong glance. “Everything okay?” She seemed... quieter than usual.

Cole hadn’t retained anything that anyone in the last... ten minutes? Thirty minutes? Hour? since the vision. He vaguely understood that Officer Callahan wanted them gone, and that Tessa had agreed, and that now they were going. So, he shuffled towards the front gate like a zombie, falling behind everyone else. His mind was a loop of Adam bursting into flames. 

When Lucas clapped him on the back, Cole jumped. Embarrassed, he swiped at his still-wet eyes and turned to Lucas. “Hey, man,” he flashed a pathetic smile. Something about being stuck in an empty grave together made Cole feel like he could trust Lucas, even if they’d never spoken much before tonight. With a nod, he walked with Lucas towards his car. “Probably should. And your shoulder, too.”

Casting a sidelong glance at Sinclair, Cole tried to read his expression. “So, that was...” he paused throwing his hands out in an I-don’t-fucking-know gesture. Cole knew that Lucas was friends with Will, and that Lucas was at Starcourt when it caught on fire, so he wondered if Lucas was somehow better equipped to handle these things. Or at least, maybe he had some answers. Worth a shot, anyways. “What the hell was that?”

who: lucas sinclair & @colemontgomeryx​​​ where: outside the cemetery when: 5 minutes after escaping a grave💙

lucas’ shoulder throbbed. it was strange how he hadn’t really noticed it during the night, but as soon as all of the excitement died down -and the group was safely out of the cemetery gates- it hit him like…well, like falling into an open grave. he’d left his bag behind, but callahan was probably still hanging around. that was definitely the reason he’d left it behind. 

at least he still had his car keys stuffed in his pocket. lucas tugged them free and spun them on his keyring. he was sober enough to drive. something about being scared out of your mind did that to you. he couldn’t even feel the shot he’d taken ten minutes ago. the group began to disperse, back to their own little worlds, and lucas felt panic creeping up his spine and making his lungs feel like they couldn’t get enough air. he didn’t really feel like being alone right now. not after what he’d seen. and besides that-

“hey,” lucas said, relieved to find that cole hadn’t wandered off too far and jogging over, lightly clapping him on the back with his good arm. “don’t you think maybe you should go get that checked out?” he pointed to his own head and gestured to his beat-up honda, parked edge of the grass. 

jackforeman​:

“Yeah, Adam and I were in the woods together … in the commune. So, I guess they let us go, or we just left together,” he explained with a shrug. Didn’t Cole know that Adam had gone away with him? “I mean, I don’t know, I guess it makes sense. He was one of my friends in high school, so I guess if he’d decided to go into the woods for some shit like this, then the other would’ve followed.” At least, that’s what he was telling himself. Everything made sense.

Jack didn’t recall Adam and Cole being that close in high school. He knew the two were friends, but he didn’t think that they’d be hanging out so much that Adam’s parents would be sick of him, or so he said. “No, I’m sure they’re glad Adam has a friend now that he’s back. You know, someone to hang out with. I went over to Steve’s after I saw my family, you know, just to say hi, but other than that, I’ve kind of just been hanging out with my sisters. Not that they’ve ever missed me before this, but I think they might have this time,” he said with a laugh.

xx.

Cole nodded, going along with Jack’s story. It was certainly easier than telling what had really happened to Adam. Though, it made no sense-- why would Jack have a memory of being with Adam at the commune? None of this made any sense, and Cole was too nervous to figure it out, in case he uncovered something he didn’t want to know. “Right, of course. Well, I’m just glad you’re both back and... relatively okay?” he phrased it as a question, raising an eyebrow at Jack as if to assess his mental wellbeing.

With a smile, Cole agreed with Jack. That much was true, at least with Adam’s sisters. He’d gotten very close with them after Adam-- died, disappeared, whatever-- and he felt as if they were his sisters now, too. “Well, that’s valid. I’m assuming you also didn’t contact anyone while you were gone, right? I’m sure they have a lot fo questions.”  

thequeenofhawkins​:

— ♔ —

Chrissy never considered herself as someone who had close friends. She always kept fellow jocks and cheerleaders at arms length, but there were two people who she kept at elbow’s length. Cole Montgomery and Adam Richards. Maybe it was because they never wanted anything from her, other than a little bit of trust. “It’s totally crazy. I was like, in this forest commune?” Chrissy tried to explain, but she came up rather vague. She had two years ripped away from her and she couldn’t even remember what it was like on the commune. “Kinda gives me the heebie jeebies if I think about it for too long.” 

So, instead of thinking about it, she was more than content to move the conversation to a more pressing topic. Adam. “Yeah, yeah, I have. I think we were like, together the entire time? I don’t know, it’s all fuzzy,” and she left it at that. It sounded like a bitchy move, so she didn’t want to linger on how she had allegedly been with Adam the entire time. It was like they deliberately left Cole out, but that just didn’t make sense to Chrissy because she knew that she’d invite him, and the same could probably be said to Adam.

“So… where does that leave you and Adam?” She asked, resting a hand on one of the racks. Chrissy had a habit of holing herself into Adam and Cole’s relationship business, whether she did it on purpose or not. Either with one of them coming to her for advice or Chrissy seeking it out herself whenever she noticed something was up. “You’re not like, mad at him or anything, right?” 

xx.

Cole frowned ever so slightly when Chrissy mentioned that she was in the forest commune, too. He knew she’d been out of town, but if he really thought about it, he couldn’t remember any details or any goodbye. It was strange; he and Chrissy were close enough that he definitely would’ve wanted to say goodbye to her if she was leaving for a long time. But everyone wrapped up in the forest commune business had hazy memories attached to them. Maybe the drugs, if he were to guess. “Right. I totally get it if you don’t want to talk about it,” he offered, a genuine look of concern in his eyes.

While the forest commune was fuzzy for everyone else, Cole knew what had happened to Adam. He’d gone to the funeral, he’d checked in on Adam’s sisters every week for the past three years. Adam had died. And now he was back, and Chrissy claimed she was with him this whole time? None of it made sense... but maybe it didn’t need to. Maybe he was tempting fate by asking questions and should just shut up and accept it. “Yeah... it’s fuzzy for him, too. I guess we just hadn’t really talked details, yet,” Cole lied. “But, you’re here now. Why not pretend everything is normal for a while?” Cole asked with the biggest smile he could muster.

If he had any doubt about this really being Chrissy Cunningham standing in front of him, the glint in her eye when she asked about Adam confirmed it. Cole had seen that same look in her eye every time she asked about Adam; some cross between fondness and amusement and concern. Honestly, Chrissy was as much a part of their relationship as they were-- besides the obvious bits, anyways. Cole shook his head at her question, a content smile smoothing out his features. “You know I’m shit at being mad at him,” he said. “It wasn’t his fault, you know? Like, he didn’t want to leave... so how can I be upset?”

“Everything’s just... weird right now. Not because of him. Because of me, I think,” he sighed. Cole knew Chrissy would never let him get away with such a vague answer, so he continued speaking and absentmindedly picking through the same t-shirt in ten different colors. “I just mean... I feel like I’m bracing myself. Like I’ll lose him again? And he’s obviously fucked up about it all, the leaving thing. So we’re good-- like, sometimes it feels like nothing has changed-- but it’s like this thing is lurking.” He threw up his hands in mock surrender. “Stop me if I sound insane, please.” 

As he began blinking awake, Cole’s memories from the fucking carnival from hell began to resurface. He saw Lucas crumped on the ground, Jack shoving him away, Adam yelling at him to leave him the fuck alone. But then he woke up and the first thing he saw was Adam, their arms intertwined, blonde head bobbing up and down as he snored. Cole squeezed his eyes shut. Was it a dream? Why did he remember a bomb? An explosion? It was all making his head hurt. 

Cole must’ve fallen back asleep, because the next time he opened his eyes, Max was there. She was holding his other hand and mumbling something. He shifted, trying to sit up, and instantly regretted it. Pain shot through his abdomen and he groaned. His movement caused a barely-cold icepack to shift off of his ribcage; had he broken a rib? 

With a weak smile, Cole turned his gaze to Max. “Tell me you’re not crying over me, asshole.” His throat was painfully brittle, and he attempted to swallow to make it easier to speak up. “The fuck did you do to me, Maxine?” he asked, a piss poor excuse for a joke, and squeezed his eyes shut again in an attempt to stop the pounding in his head. 

WHO: max mayfield & @loverboymontgomery​ WHAT: max checks on cole WHERE: hospital </3

max had been lingering in the hospital for around twelve hours now and had no intentions of leaving any time soon. herself, dustin, and max, worked in shifts, using steve’s room as base. she was in and out a lot, mostly to cry, but sometimes to check on the status of her other friends who had been admitted last night. it was nearing ten-thirty in the morning when max took a break. she went to cole’s room first, after a nurse told her he woke up between now and her last break. anything that stood between her and that door got shoved out of the way or fully knocked over until she was on her knees beside his bed. 

unfortunately, cole was out again when she entered his room. she clocked adam’s close proximity, who was also asleep. not wanting to disturb them too much, but at least see how cole was doing for herself, she took the hand of his that wasn’t occupied and grabbed it with both of hers, then set her forehead on top of it. she sat like that for a second, listening to the chorusing of the heart monitor. all good signs, all good, but still, she found herself wanting to cry again. max rubbed her lips together, then whispered, not intending for cole to hear her, “hey, fucking…stupid shithead…” she mumbled, “i leave for one night and you land yourself in the hospital? geez.” she laughed wryly, a tear slipping out. a life without cole flashed across her mind. it wasn’t one she was interested in seeing. this blows, she thought. sitting up, max wiped the couple of tears that snuck up on her, then rubbed her tired eyes, “i’m glad you’re okay…” she continued in her quiet tone, “and i’m so kicking your ass when you get out of here.” 

Cole hadn’t realized what he’d gotten himself into by volunteering to bring a keg-- scratch that, multiple kegs-- to this shindig. It might not bother everyone, but the sticky beer dripping on the linoleum made Cole’s spine shiver, so he dug into his backpack for something to clean it up with. Digging to the very bottom, he found a black handkerchief. Perfect. Cole wiped down the side of the keg and the floor beneath it, and decided to perch nearby in order to nag people not to let it drip on the floor. Really, how hard was it?

In his bag, Cole caught a glimpse of his cigarettes and felt a familiar pang in his gut. Surely it wouldn’t be in bad taste to smoke inside, given the circumstances? Absentmindedly, he tucked the bandana in his back pocket and grabbed a cigarette. “Hope no one minds,” he mumbled, mostly to himself, and lit up.

Shutting his eyes, Cole allowed the blaring music to distract him from the fact that he was inside the mall where the love of his life died. Light stuff. He wasn’t mad at the music choice, surprisingly. Cole tried not to be pretentious about music, but he could only take so many days of people coming into the Music Center asking for the new Rick Astley or Whitney Houston. Thankfully, this music had some teeth. He wondered who’d been recruited to play it. 

When Cole opened his eyes to take another drag, he was shocked to see Eddie Munson running right at him. Cole leaned back instinctively, confusion written on his face, “Uh, sorry. What’d you call me?” He followed Eddie’s eyes to his pocket and pulled out the handkerchief. “Wait-- flagging? I’m cleaning up the keg because these goddamned kids can’t be bothered to catch their beer...” he paused, suddenly curious. “What did you think?”

where: blue quarry mall who: eddie + cole ! @colemontgomeryx​​

despite the inital apprehension, because he really didn’t need the hawkins police department all up in his business again, not when he’d been a murder suspect barely two years ago, eddie slowly felt himself relax, some of the tension slipping from his body. not all, ever since that upside down debacle he hadn’t been able to relax fully. but the beer helped - bless that kid who’d brought the keg - and the general air of…insanity that lingered amongst the party-goers and protesters.

the sounds of black sabbath filled the mall, eddie felt himself nodding along to the tune, and, hey, he really didn’t care that most of the people here had never heard of ozzy osbourne in their lives. they all seemed to have a great time, anyway. so he didn’t even need to whip out that tape of 1988′s top of the pops he’d recorded, just in case they’d want to burn him at the stake for seducing them with his evil satanic dnd music.

he leaned against a pillar, let his eyes wander among the crowed, took a sip of beer and - hey, there he was, that kid with the keg. definitely not a kid now that he got a proper look at him. eddie tilted his head, his mouth dropped open slightly and he craned his neck, pushed himself off the wall, because… wait a minute.

wait a damn minute. he narrowed his eyes, looked down and. holy shit. well, if his eyes weren’t deceiving him then that - yeah that - that was a bandana. dangling from his - cole’s - back pocket. on display. he nearly choked on his beer, coughed and, taking another sip to ease said cough, he booked it across the mall, tapped him on the shoulder.

“hey, man - cole.”, he said, held eye contact with him for perhaps a tad longer than was appropriate. cleared his throat, gestured down towards his own back pocket. a quick look left and right, they weren’t in hearing distance of anyone else. still, he lowered his voice. “hey man, are you… are you flagging?”

stevehharringtcns​:

.

cole’s response made steve nod his head slowly, letting out a sigh. he figured that someone would have told him about what had happened two years before, but he didn’t feel like talking about it. he was sure the scars on his torso spoke for themselves, if cole had even noticed that. raising an eyebrow once he heard cole talk about how adam didn’t have any marks, he sighed again. they were not close to figuring anything out and it didn’t seem like that was going to change anytime soon. steve just hoped that sooner or later, one of them would figure it out, but it definitely wouldn’t be him. he was better at swinging bats either way. “that’s… weird. but as long as the two of you are okay… just don’t go swimming in there anytime soon. once is enough.” he said with a nod, smiling at cole.

as the conversation switched about steve’s love life, steve wished they were talking about something else. but he had been the one to go looking for answers to cole, even though he probably didn’t have many. but he couldn’t help but to think that his love life had failed all along because he was looking for the right woman instead of… you know. he sighed as he looked at cole and bit his lower lip as he thought. “you don’t think…” he said, clearing his throat. “you don’t think he likes nancy? because apparently they’ve been hanging out lately. and you know, two years ago when eddie got pulled into… all of this.” he said, motioning towards the party and his group of friends. “i don’t know.” he said with a sigh, he wasn’t even sure what he was talking about anymore. but he was a bit relieved to hear cole say that eddie liked him. it made things easier, even if they were still hard. “i guess i just don’t want to scare him away like i do with most girls, you know? it’s just different with eddie, it feels… good.” he said, feeling almost as a weight got off his chest.

steve listened carefully as cole talked about his relationship with adam. they really knew how to keep a secret if steve hadn’t noticed, but then again, steve didn’t notice a lot of stuff. plus, he spent most of his time worried about basketball, swimming and his hair during high school. “i mean, at least you two got back together when he… came back.” he said, not sure what cole meant about the other being dead. he remembered him missing, but that seemed to be confusing a lot of people lately. he looked down at the ground at cole’s advice and nodded his head. “right… you’re right.” he said, although he still cared about what people thought. and he didn’t want people commenting on what he was doing.

xx.

Cole laughed, which was odd, given the situation. But the thought that he would ever swim in Lovers Lake, or anywhere else again? Was laughable. The part of his mind that was still trying to make sense of everything was increasingly concerned that Steve seemed just as lost as him. Shouldn’t Steve have more firsthand experience? Shouldn’t that help find an answer? But Cole pushed the thoughts away, shaking his head vehemently. “Yeah... I may never swim anywhere again, to be honest.” He shuddered, remembering the feeling of a hand or something around his ankle. 

Though he could’ve laughed, Cole instead nodded at Steve’s fears. He remembered having the same thoughts about Adam, and the insane jealousy Cole felt when Chrissy and Adam were together. He and Steve were different though; Cole had never been with a girl, never even wanted to. Everyone figured out their shit at different paces, he supposed. “I’m 99% sure Eddie doesn’t like Nancy, Steve. Or... girls at all.” He said, hoping it could put Steve at ease. Cole smiled. He’d never expected to see Steve Harrington flustered over someone. 

Cole couldn’t help the amused smile on his face. It was so surreal to be talking to Steve about this, and Cole didn’t take that lightly. It was just unexpected. “For whatever it’s worth... people don’t have to know right away. Or at all. It’s no one’s business but yours,” he shrugged. The only reason Chrissy had known was because Adam didn’t want to cheat on her; the only other person who knew was Max. And now Steve, obviously. “I won’t say anything,” he promised, giving Steve and encouraging smile.  

eddiemcnson​:

+++

droplets of nervous sweat starting to appear above his brow, eddie’s eyes darted down to where cole pulled out that blasted bandana before he took both the cigarette and lighter from him. he clicked it a couple of times, no light appeared, eddie nervously glanced back up at cole, down at the lighter. violently shook it around for a moment, another attempt - it thankfully lit this time and he handed it back to cole.

he was a bundle of nerves. the previous pleasant buzz from the alcohol had almost entirely disappeared, he flicked  the cigarette’s filter repeatedly, fidgeted with his rings on his other hand. as if he was almost….waiting for cole to ridicule him. instead, however, he said something completely unexpected and eddie chocked on his own breath, sputtering cough.

he looked up to lock eyes with him. i am, too. the fuck did he mean? and ‘too’? was this some sort of trap? or was he literally genuinely saying what…eddie thought…he was saying? hadn’t he not gotten any of his surely widely popularly used phrases moments ago? he quirked a brow, took a drag once his coughing had subised. “you are….what?”, eyes narrowed, voice low in case this was, indeed, a trap.

adam richards was mentioned and, oh, jeez, it all made sense. eddie almost instantly felt bad, a guilty nauseau creeping up on him. way to go, munson, way to go. “your best friend, wasn’t he?” brows pulled together, lips twisted into a sympathetic smile. of course, max hadn’t been the only one who’d lost someone on the very ground they were standing on. “listen, man, i’m so…sorry - like, that’s gotta be rough, like, being here and everything. sorry. i can go and  leave you alone if you want to.”

xx. 

Cole didn’t waver under Eddie’s gaze. If he was correct, Eddie’s behavior made sense. Cole felt it too, the fear of being found out by someone who wasn’t safe. It was the reason Cole and Adam snuck around for the three years they were together-- to avoid the football jocks and the band geeks and the teachers berating them and calling them names. Only it never stopped there; it often got physical, violent. Of course Eddie was afraid.

It was like they were playing chicken, like they were standing in front of a train for as long as possible and pulling back at the last second-- exhilarating, maybe, but not satisfying. Something about being in the mall, all his thoughts about Adam... it was the perfect concoction for a confession. “I like guys,” he said, meeting Eddie’s eyes again. “Adam was my boyfriend.”

And then: relief. Cole felt like he’d recovered part of himself, like he’d regained a phantom limb. He hadn’t been able to talk about his feelings this openly since, well, Adam. It was refreshing, rejuvenating even. “If you want, I’ll prove it,” he teased, giving Eddie a once-over. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so open about it, but what’s the worst that could happen?

zccming​:

“yeah, and you were only able to fracture it because i saved your ass first.” max huffed. now she understood how dustin felt all the time, no credit paid where credit was due. it wasn’t like she was expecting to be met with high praises or anything, but she had been anticipating a few more thank yous and a few less lectures. cole, at least, wasn’t going to lecture her. he was only going to be whiny, like always. “i’m surprised it isn’t already healed.” max snickered, then condescendingly sympathized, “must be real bad.” then as he made fun of her request for him quiet down, she smiled mockingly at him, “it’ll be quiet enough when you shut the fuck up.” 

despite the hostile words tossed around, max shuffled over to her dresser, grabbed her baggie, and got to rolling. following the mall, she was relieved to find that things seemed to remain normal between them. there wouldn’t be anything weird from her end, but it made her quietly pleased to see cole stand by his choice to share his truth with her. in time, she’d produced a joint for them. moving mostly in silence, max laid staring at her ceiling as they passed the j back and forth until she was lost in her thoughts, the sounds of the radio, and the bugs chittering outside of her thin walls.

cole had shared with her about adam, and all max could think about was how she couldn’t stop relating it to her feelings about eleven. of course, they had skimmed the surface over the billy of it all, but this was a new, equally difficult, perspective. it was horrible of her, but that didn’t mean anything weird, did it? maybe cole would know… thoroughly baked, max distantly asked, “do you ever think about how el has like, the perfect face?” did he even know what she looked like? “or how she’s like, the perfect girl. or perfect person even. it’s… crazy.” it wasn’t exactly explicitly emotional, but in her altered state, max was holding out hope that cole might just read her mind about what she was trying to convey. “i really missed her.” with even less tact than usual thanks to the weed, max somehow brutal and awkward, prodded at cole, “how does it feel when you think about adam? like …what does missing someone…like that…feel like…to you?” then she rasped, “it’s different from…my experiences.”

xx.

“It is real bad, thanks for your sympathy,” Cole retorted sarcastically, cradling his finger in his other hand. “I can’t play the piano with this shit. What else am I supposed to do at work?” he sighed, though his eyes twinkling with laughter. Cole blew Max a kiss with his good hand, playing along. “What, did you invite me over here to sit quietly in the corner? You got a dunce cap I can wear while I’m at it?” he teased, though he wouldn’t put it past her to actually sit him in the corner with a dunce cap, for the bit.

Cole gratefully took the joint and lifted it to his lips. “Cheers,” he breathed out, releasing a cloud of smoke. He still couldn’t believe he’d come out to Max. He hadn’t regretted it-- the opposite, he felt an ongoing sense of relief-- but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a tad on edge, waiting for any sign that Max treated him differently. He passed the joint to her and turned onto his side, studying her face. She acted like something was on her mind.

The mystery only lasted a few seconds more, until she started going on about El. Chuckling, Cole took the joint back from her, “I hadn’t really thought about her face. She’s nice enough, but not really my type.” The two grew quiet and Cole dared not vocalize his thoughts, his suspicion that Max maybe liked El as more than a friend. Maybe he was projecting, hoping that she could relate to him in that way. Then, to his surprise, her questions all but confirmed it. He took a drag of the joint, and then another, turning his response over in his head. “Not to be dramatic, but I think it felt like... I was missing part of myself. The part that only he knew, you know?” he looked down at his hands. “It still feels like that. Like I’m a fraud, like everything I do without him is just pretending.” Cole looked back up at Max, wondering, but not wanting to pressure her. “Maybe I need a shrink.”