Ahh, I See All These People Giving Their Experiences, So I Thought I’d Give Mine. I Live In Europe,

Ahh, I see all these people giving their experiences, so I thought I’d give mine. I live in Europe, so we do GSCEs here. They’re like the hurdle once you finish high school, just before you go to college.

I’ve always been in the ‘gifted’ group, part of the top corner. It’s hard when you’re there, because it’s like you’re just supposed to do better than other people? And you’re out on this pedestal and known for being the ‘goody-two-shoes’ and the one who gets everything right, and the expectations and the desired high marks and the studious behaviour just becomes normal until it feels like if you don’t get high marks, you feel like you’ve failed.

This year, I was due to do my GCSEs. Of course, they were cancelled due to the dreaded c word, and instead the results were based on how students performed in mocks and attitude in class, stuff like that. I stressed so much coming up to the results day, because I had an irrational fear of just.. failing everything. I didn’t want to get below a B. So, results day came, and I looked at the packet containing them, anxiety coating every pore. I opened up the packet, and took them out.

I got all As. I even got a singular A**, and a few A*s. And what did I feel? Disappointment that I hadn’t got at least A*s. After all, I was supposed to be at the top, wasn’t I meant to do better?

Looking back on it now, I feel riotously angry. Yes, the higher-learning group should be allowed to flourish and grow to their full potential, but when the stress of the expectations to always do well gets to earhh-shattering pressure, doesn’t that mean it’s time to stop? Just because some of us have the opportunity to have that knowledge doesn’t mean we always want to. I, for one, am tired of the stupid standards I’ve been raised to hold myself to. I think I even started subconsciously dumbing myself down at one point so that I wouldn’t have to deal with such pressure. This behaviour needs to stop. We need to be able to grow in the right ways, so that we can feel proud of our achievements instead of feeling disappointed.

There Is One In Each Classroom