girl shocked to discover that inaction can have consequences too
me as a child, spitefully: I'm going to act self destructively as a protest! Because nobody cares and I'm going to show them what happens when I'm this abused and neglected! I'm turning on myself! I'll cause myself harm before anyone else could!
my parents, to themselves: lol that was the point, keep at it but if you bring anyone's attention to it, you'll pay for that. Do it secretly so we can't be held responsible.
Your parents are lying to you. You do have what it takes to survive. They're not intrinsical to your existence, but to the sabotage of it. Without them nothing could stop you from figuring it out. All you need is already inside you. They do not get to decide what you're capable of.
In another universe, we were allowed to be children. We could shut our eyes without fear of shadows lurking beyond the door frame, or screams lighting up the quiet of the night. You wouldn’t have to comb my hair or walk me to school and I wouldn’t have to shove the tear stained pillow over my ears to drown out the voices. We wouldn’t have to cling to the other whilst he drummed against the door with a bat, splintering the wood with every beat.
In another universe, our brains would be wired differently and we would believe in a world better than this. Our childhood would be a vivid dream bursting with rose tinted fragments instead of a blurred nightmare stuffed deep within the wrinkles of our grey matter.
In another universe, you might have stayed longer and I wouldn’t have been left alone in the wasteland. You wouldn’t settle and I wouldn’t grind myself to the bone in order to escape. I wouldn’t run away at every chance I got and you would like yourself.
In another universe, I might not know you as you are now. You’d be different and so would I. Perhaps we would know each other less and perhaps we would be all the worse for it.