The Idea That Empathy Is A Weakness Tends To Come From People Who Aren't Observant Or Self-reflective

Even if they say “they didn’t mean it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “they don’t remember it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “you’re delusional, I would never do that, you made it up”, they’re still responsible for what they did, and for trying to gaslight and invalidate your memories.

Even if they say “I didn’t do it, and even if I did, I would be right to do it”, they’re still guilty for what they did.

Even if they have excuses, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they act like it would have been crazy to expect from them to act any different way, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they come at you with an entire agenda of how you should perceive what they did so it actually “benefits you”, even if they insist they did it for your own good, they’re still responsible for what they did to you, and for lying about it.

Even if they cry about how much it pains them to be accused of hurting you, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they cry about how much they love you and how they did it all out of love and never meant to hurt you, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they act like what they did shouldn’t have hurt you and you’re the one responsible for taking damage, for being sensitive to being abused, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they blame you for what they did to you, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they insist someone else did it to them too, even if they insist they had it worse than you, even if they say it’s a cultural thing, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if it was long ago, and they act like you’re wrong for remembering such old wrong doing, it’s still something they did, and they’re still responsible for doing it.

They can lie and deny and accuse and blame and invalidate and gaslight. It doesn’t absolve them of responsibility for what they did. It doesn’t absolve them from guilt.

Nothing can absolve abusers from responsibility for their own actions. Nothing.

if I’m so “useless” then why do you keep using me?

if I’m so “worthless” then why do you order me around?

if I’m so “incapable” why do you care so much about decreasing my confidence?

If I’m such a “burden” then why do you care so much for keeping me dependant on you and making sure I can’t leave and be on my own?

If I’m so “stupid” then why do keep talking to me? Why not find someone else?

if I’m so “ungrateful” then why do you want me around? You shouldn’t want to give your time and energy to ungrateful people now, should you?

If I’m such a “monster” then why do you not try to get away from me? Why would you bother keeping me against your will, aren’t you scared?

If I’m such a “horrible demon” then why are you not running away from me? Why are you talking to me as if you couldn’t be less worried about what happens to you next?

If I’m such a “selfish creature” then why do you give me anything at all? It’s almost like you need to hold something against me, if I’m selfish why should I care if I’m called that?

It’s almost like your manipulative logic doesn’t hold up to tiniest bit of scrutiny. So why are you lying so much? Saying one thing and then doing as if the opposite is true doesn’t show you in good light. It turns out I’ve been plenty useful, plenty valuable, capable, bearing you as a burden even, smart enough to see thru you, grateful enough to tolerate your bullshit even though you never gave me a good reason to, harmless to you to the point where you could take your shit out on me unbothered and unafraid, selfless enough to put away my very own well being for the sake of your needs, so why do you think now, after all, I would forgive you lying to me? Don’t expect forgiveness from me.

sorry i'm being an absent friend i'm being an absent self too

victims of abuse will be like, this person has now made me cry myself to sleep about 30 times, i have flashbacks of things they’ve done and said to me, they know how to hit me right in my worst insecurity and guilt so i feel horrible for days and months, their comments make me feel worthless and like i shouldn’t even be alive, and being around them makes me feel small and meaningless and sometimes suicidal but maybe that’s just me, maybe they’re not abusive? i have to give them benefit of the doubt, what if i’m not justified to kick them out of my life?

Victoria Chang, "Far Along In The Story", The Trees Witness Everything

Abusive parents force you to hide things you would otherwise never have to worry about hiding, because you learn that they can flip out about anything, make a scene from anything, misunderstand one detail and go insane over it. So you don’t tell them about anything you can avoid, and you try to deal with things yourself as much as humanely possible, which takes the burden of taking care of you from them, and onto your shoulders.

This is dangerous as well because you don’t tell them about a friend who did something horrible to you, you don’t tell them about a sociopath who tried to groom or touch you, you don’t tell them about horrifying heartbreak you feel when someone abandons you, you don’t tell them when your world is falling apart because you know that at best, they’ll be uninterested, at worst, they will tell you it was your fault and you deserved it.

Living in secrecy becomes normal and when you develop trauma symptoms it once again feels like it’s your fault because you never said anything, you never told them how much they were hurting you, you didn’t speak up and open up about your problems. But how in the world would you? You know if you had, all that you would get is insults, blame, threats, guilt and shame thrown in your face, how could you possibly take that on top of having trauma symptoms? You can’t, it’s not worth risking. Suffering in silence becomes your only survival option, and you watch your heart break a little more every day that nobody cares that you’re breaking apart.

young artist posting your work online, heed my warning. im holding your face so gently in my hands, you have to stop caring about numbers right now and start caring about making the weirdest and most self-indulgent art you possibly can

Your parents are lying to you. You do have what it takes to survive. They're not intrinsical to your existence, but to the sabotage of it. Without them nothing could stop you from figuring it out. All you need is already inside you. They do not get to decide what you're capable of.